Isabella
by ReddTwilight
Summary: Having your heart broken once is bad enough. I didn't know if I could fall in love again, I didn't know if I wanted to be bothered. But then I met her. This is the story of how she saved me from myself and changed my life forever. AU - All Human!
1. Introductions

**A/N: Chapter 1, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

My name is Edward Cullen and I hate my fucking life.

All I do is go to class at this pitiful college, do my work, and get drunk practically every night. I don't drink myself to the point of alcohol poisoning anymore. I'm past that particular stage of post-breakup-trying-to-kill-myself depression. That's the main reason I hate my life, but I'll get to that later.

I go to the same club every night to drink. But I don't always get wasted. I do that primarily on the weekends, specifically Saturday, when my friend Emmett who happens to bartend at this club, can take me home to my apartment. I'm envious of him. He has his life pretty much in order. He has a great girl and a steady job.

Lucky son of a bitch.

Wish I could say that for myself.

God knows I'm fucking lonely as hell. But at the same time I really don't want to get involved with another girl. Not after what the last one did to me. There, I said it, I thought about it. Great, now I feel like shit.

_Good job, Edward, why don't you just take a gun, stick it in your mouth, and finish yourself off already? You know you want to. _

Just take a deep breath and knock it off. That was a year ago. You've been better for months. You've been better for six months. You've been getting from one day to the next and suicide has only crossed your mind twice. You can keep doing this. You have friends to turn to. You're not alone.

Yes I am.

I am so fucking alone.

"Ed!"

I looked up from where I was staring down into my glass down the bar. Emmett was drying out a glass with a towel. "You want another?" He called to me.

"Yeah." I said to myself, nodding so Emmett knew my answer. I drained what was left in my glass and set it down. Just another Friday night at Club Twilight. Just another excuse to drink and try to force these bad memories from my mind.

"Hey, Bella, can you get him?" Emmett called out.

I looked up as a 5'4'' brunette with chocolate eyes came up to me with a small smile and refilled my glass.

"Thanks." I said quietly, dropping my eyes.

"No problem." She said the same smile still on her face. She set the bottle down on the bar and I could feel her staring at me. I looked up for one moment. She was still smiling at me.

"What?" I asked, trying no to sound rude, but hey it was rude to stare in the first place right?

"So you know Emmett how?" she asked.

"My younger sister is dating his girlfriend's younger brother." I said dropping my eyes to my glass and taking a drink.

"Fiancée." She corrected.

I looked up confused. "What?" I asked, trying to process what she had said.

"She's not his girlfriend anymore."

"Emmett?" I asked, seeking clarification from this perfect stranger.

"Yeah, they got engaged yesterday." She explained.

"Wow." I said, shock hitting me like a train. I ran my hands down my face. "Holy shit, good for them." Lucky son of a bitch.

"Yeah, I like Rose a lot. I mean, sometimes she can be a total bitch, but her heart is in the right place." The brunette said.

"Yeah, she can be." I said draining my glass.

"Want another?" she asked.

"Please."

She filled my glass again. "Don't worry about this one, ok. On the house."

I looked up. "What's your name again?"

"Bella Swan." She said offering her hand across the bar.

"Edward." I shook it once and dropped it. Bella looked away from me for a moment to take drink orders from a few people.

"Is there a last name with that, Edward?" She asked turning away from me for a moment to go to the back counter and collect a couple bottles of alcohol and a few glasses. She came back and started putting drinks together, glancing at me awaiting an answer.

"Yes." I said, intentionally avoiding the question.

"You gonna tell me?" she asked starting to pass the drinks in front of her to their respective customers. I didn't answer, just sipped my drink staring at the wall of multicolored bottles behind the bar.

"Bells!"

I looked up to see Bella glare at me, nothing new from a girl, and then rushed off toward Emmett. I winced for a moment as the music suddenly grew louder. Time for the show.

Every Friday, Saturday, and Sunday night once an hour for ten minutes from eight at night to two in the morning Emmett and this brunette did a flair show. I watched them from time to time and at first I was really impressed with how they threw bottles and glasses and tumblers over their shoulders, behind their backs, under their legs, and sometimes to each other all the while mixing different drinks.

Tonight I watched. It was their sixth show tonight, which meant it was about one something in the morning. Bella rolled a glass down her arm that Emmett caught and in turn threw her a bottle of Malibu, which she spun in her hand and poured out a shot pushing it down the bar to some lucky customer. The crowd around me cheered loudly, some pulling ones, fives, and tens from their pockets to toss in the tip jar that was being passed around. I pulled out my wallet and unfolded a twenty dropping it in the orb-shaped jar as it came my way. In my opinion Emmett and this girl deserved the money considering the college shit that comes through here, myself included, and they have to deal with the brunt of it. I didn't have that kind of patience. At least not anymore, so God bless them.

The music started to quiet, but I could still feel the bass beating inside my chest Or maybe the alcohol was starting to numb my mind. Finally, thank God. Just a couple more hours and I could go home and pass out.

"Here" Bella appeared in front of me with a beer. "Why don't you drink this instead?"

"Why?" I said pessimistically. "The point of hard liquor is to get fucked up. That's my goal."

"What if I said I didn't want you to do that?" Bella leaned forward on the bar. "I see you in here almost every night and ninety-five percent of the time you get really drunk."

"I like being drunk." I said taking beer and sipping it only because my glass was empty. "Besides, why do you care?" I looked at her for real for the first time.

She had dark brown hair that looked almost auburn under the lights, although not quite as bright as my own bronze locks. She was wearing a black strapless top and no bra underneath from what I could tell. Probably one of those built-in shirts. I saw earlier when she had walked off that she was wearing dark blue jeans that hugged her bottom and her small hips just right. Her makeup was dark but tasteful. Dark grey eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner thicker on the top than the bottom, and a gloss on her lips that accented their already natural pink color making them shine. Her hair was down in loose wavy curls that fell past her collarbone. If I had been interested I would've told her she looked hot, but I wasn't so I kept my mouth shut.

Bella shook her head at me. "Suit yourself." She said, a slight edge to her voice, and walked off to wait on other customers.

"What did you say to her?" Emmett asked walking over to me. He put together a couple drinks while he talked. "You know, Bella's not really as graceful and balanced as she appears. She's really just big klutz. That's why our manager doesn't let her unload any of the boxes when we get shipments. It's actually kind of endearing, it's cute."

"Uh huh." I said, staring off in the distance and sipping my beer. "Congratulations." I added as an afterthought. "On you and Rose."

"Thanks." Emmett smirked not looking up from his pouring. "I was going to tell you tomorrow."

"How come you told her first?" I nodded down the bar where Bella was putting eight shot glasses together of some amber liquor.

"Because last night you weren't here, and I saw her first. Sorry if that pisses you off." Emmett said not really meaning the apology. He didn't have loyalty differences when it came to friends. We were all equal. Of course, obviously, he had more loyalty to Rosalie. "So what did you say to upset her?"

I sipped my beer again. "She doesn't approve of me getting drunk all the time. So I asked why she cared. She's not my mother. Its none of her goddamn business."

"She cares, Edward. It's the kind of person she is. You know, she hasn't had the easiest time with guys. Both of her boyfriends cheated on her, one worse than the other. I was there for the second one. I've never seen her so fucked up. I mean she wasn't as bad as you were after what that whore did to you, but you get my point."

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me, Em. Like I need to think about that."

Emmett set the bottle in his hand down on the bar. "I'm sorry, Ed. I didn't mean to."

"Uh huh, no, it's ok cause I love thinking about it." I said darkly.

"You're doing good, though. I mean, you've gotten much better in the last six months."

"Thanks." I said quietly, staring down at the shiny surface of the bar. "It still hurts like a bitch."

"And it's going to for a long time. But you're not alone."

I nodded absentmindedly and Emmett walked off down the bar. I glanced down after him as Bella looked up in my direction. I met her eyes for a moment and saw in them in our brief exchange a deep, buried pain. The same pain that was coursing through my own messed up body. She dropped her eyes and returned to her work. She didn't come back to me for the rest of the night.

When the club closed at three I headed out with Emmett. I normally didn't stay until closing. In fact I rarely ever stayed this late. Tonight had just been one of those nights where I didn't give a shit what the time was. Tomorrow was Saturday, no classes, and no reason to get up early. I only ever lingered this long when I was completely plastered and Emmett typically volunteered to walk me home. But I only did that once a week, tomorrow actually, which was progress in his opinion.

"Wait up, Em!"

Emmett and I turned as Bella jogged across the street in her two-inch black heels hugging her stylish coat around herself against the October cold.

"I'm not going anywhere, Bells." Emmett called back. "I'm waiting for you."

"Huh?" I asked looking at him, feeling my eyebrow quirk.

"I walk her home every night. She only lives ten minutes from Rose and me. I don't like her walking alone."

"What are you her father?"

"No." Emmett said seriously.

I never remembered Emmett walking Bella home on the nights I stayed. Oh right, cause I'm usually a fucking goner on those nights and Emmett walks _me_ home. Most of the time I bail around two in the morning knowing the long walk back to my apartment will usually sober me up for the most part.

"Then why do you walk her home?" I asked.

Emmett threw me a knowing look. "Would you let your friend walk home alone at three-thirty in the morning knowing there are guys out there who would jump her or worse if given the opportunity?"

"I don't have friends." I said looking down and kicking at the sidewalk.

"Thanks, Ed." Emmett said as Bella reached us.

"I didn't mean it that way."

"I know."

"I'll see you tomorrow night." I said and started to walk off in the opposite direction that Emmett and Bella were heading, shoving my hands deep into my pockets.

"Bye." Emmett called over his shoulder. I waved without looking back.

"Good night, Edward." Bella called. "Be safe."

I stopped and turned to look back but Bella had already turned around and was talking to Emmett as they walked further away. I turned to head in my own direction again, completely and utterly lost.

Nothing new about that.

**A/N: The plot isn't really going to change much as I revise this. There may be some lines moved around, though. Any confusion, you can as many questions as you like in a review or PM me. Thanks for reading! **


	2. Bella

**A/N: Chapter 2, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**EPOV**

I went back the following night, mostly to hang out with Emmett whenever he got the chance to walk over to me, which wasn't very often. Part of me, however, was glad to see Bella. She was a kindred spirit and I found something comforting in that thought. She had been through the same hell that I had, albeit mine was worse in my opinion. It was one thing to have your boyfriend cheat on you but with me it had been my fiancée that had left a gaping wound in my soul.

It's been almost a year since I caught her. For Christmas two years ago I had gotten her a very nice and very expensive digital camera that I knew she wanted and had expressed said passion specifically so she could take lots of pictures of us and start a scrapbook. Yeah right.

It had been Christmas the following year that I had found out not only had she cheated on me, but had been doing so for the past two years and with my best friend whom I had known since fifth grade. I had found pictures of them together, sometimes locked in passionate embraces, on that fucking camera. When I confronted her about it I had thrown the five-hundred-dollar electronic guise into the wall where it shattered. She never apologized.

I didn't go to the club Sunday night, opting instead to study for an exam I had Tuesday afternoon, which meant I didn't go back Monday night either. I was slowly regaining my sense of responsibility. But I still needed to take the edge off of life at least four nights a week. One of those nights the week following my first encounter with Bella happened to be Friday again.

I walked into the club around eleven, Emmett and Bella were in the middle of another show. I watched the best I could as I pushed my way through the tightly packed crowd. I noticed as I got closer to the bar that they had come up with a few new tricks, which were earning a very positive response based on how full the tip jar already was tonight. Bella was actually very good at this particular form of entertainment, and it impressed me that a girl as clumsy as her could pull off some of the fast moves and spinning involved without falling on her face.

I had seen some actually proof of the klutz that she was a coupe nights ago when she disappeared into the back of the club, tripping on her feet as she walked along a fairly clear path. Emmett had been right. It was cute and endearing. She didn't know at the time that I had seen her do that and I didn't let on that I had. I knew it would embarrass her and I wasn't an ass like that.

"Hey!" Emmet called to me as the show ended and he had a moment to breathe. I nodded to him in acknowledgement sitting down at the first empty stool I could find.

"Hi." Bella said pleasantly as she came up to me. I looked her up and down quickly. Her hair and makeup were the same as usual but tonight she wore a very silky looking, ruffled blue top with simple shoulder straps and black pants. Beautiful crossed my mind tonight instead of hot, but once again I kept my mouth shut.

"What can I get for you?"

"Just beer tonight. This week was a little more tolerable than usual." I didn't go into details after Bella rattled off a list of bottled beers for me. Instead I told her to surprise me and kept to myself that the week had been decent because every night since Tuesday I had been able to see her. Not always talk to her, but at least see her. She was stable and down-to-Earth, and it was her constancy that had kept me balanced since Tuesday.

"Hey, Bells, take a break." I heard Emmett call to her.

"Can't right now." Bella called back as she placed a bottle of Heineken down in front of me.

"It's slow right now up here, and God only knows how long it'll last. Go sit for twenty minutes."

"I'm not leaving you alone. I might get convicted of intentional manslaughter."

"Just go, you never take breaks. I can handle this."

"Fine." Bella sighed heavily. She looked at me as I took the first sip from my bottle. This particular brand wouldn't have been my first choice, but I've gotten trashed on it before and I had to admit it wasn't bad. "Want to sit with me?" She asked.

"Sure." I got up and started to walk around to the side of the bar where there was a tiny space between the counter and the wall.

"Where are you going?" Bella called. I turned back to see her pushing herself up onto her bottom onto the bar and swung her legs around. She hopped down onto her feet. "Come on, I see an empty table over there."

"Bella!"

She turned back around and caught the water bottle that Emmett threw to her. "You need to hydrate every once and a while, too." Bella flipped him off which earned a laugh from Emmett and an amused smile from me.

We walked over to the empty booth in the corner where the music wasn't quite as loud so we wouldn't have to yell, and slid in sitting next to each other with maybe two feet between us.

"Can you answer a question for me?" Bella asked sipping her water.

"Depends on the question." I answered honestly.

"Why do you like to get drunk all the time?"

"My life sucks." I said flatly.

"Mine does, too, but I don't try and drown my problems with alcohol." Bella responded, a little patronizingly.

"I doubt your life sucks as much as mine does right now." I was intentionally being a pessimist. I really didn't want to talk about this.

"I asked Emmett about the attitude last week, the night we "met". He said that you've had a really hard time this past year." Bella's voice went soft and understanding and I turned to stare at her for a moment before I looked away and sipped my beer.

"Yeah, and lets leave it at that, ok?" I said. I glanced sideways at her. "So why does your life suck?"

"Where do you want me to start?"

"Why do you work here?"

Bella sipped her water again. "Good money. I live on my own now and I have a huge rent because I don't pay any utilities. It's somewhere around two-thousand a month."

"Fuck me. How do you afford that?"

Bella shrugged. "I work seven days a week at ten bucks an hour, plus tips."

"Of which you have to pay tax on."

"Yeah, don't remind me."

Silence passed between us. So she wasn't financially secure, no surprise. No one living on their own in the city was. Well, except me, because I wasn't paying anything. Thankfully my parents were loaded enough to afford my monthly cost of living and my shit tuition.

"So I assume included with this two-thousand a month is also the cost of food?"

"Yeah, that's another hundred a week because I go to this natural food market. Everything just tastes better from there. It's expensive as hell, but I'm managing to afford it."

"So what else makes you life suck?"

"Shit relationships." Bella said staring off into the club at the packed bodies swaying back and forth on the dance floor.

"Emmett told me about those. That does suck."

Bella sighed and nodded. "Yup." She sipped her water and exhaled loudly. "First one didn't surprise me when it happened, granted it stung, but it didn't blow a gaping hole in my chest like the second one did."

"You don't have to share." I said apologetically.

"I will only if you want to hear it."

"Only if you're comfortable."

"My first boyfriend I dated from my junior to my senior year. After six months he asked me to sleep with him. I said I wasn't ready yet, so he said he could wait until I was. No rush. Fucking liar." Bella mumbled at the end. I saw the pain that flashed across her face as she remembered and offered her my beer.

"Thanks." She said quietly, and took a long sip from it handing it back. "God that's good, I may want one to myself later. Anyway, just before graduation I found out he was cheating on me. Like I said, I wasn't surprised, I mean I wasn't putting out and it had been over a year since he asked. I always told myself I wanted my first time to be special, I wanted it to be right. It just didn't feel that way with him."

I sat there watching her, watching the expression that crossed her lovely features and felt a pang of true sympathy for her. "You shouldn't feel that way that he was justified cheating on you because you weren't willingly screwing around with him."

"I know." Bella said, more so to herself than to me. Almost like she was still trying to convince herself into believing that, years later. "But when someone says to you, 'What the hell was I supposed to do? I wasn't getting any action from you', you're self-esteem hits the dirt."

"Well, if it helps, when I broke up with my ex, my self-esteem didn't just hit the dirt, it got buried six feet under. Which, for a time, was where I wanted to be."

Bella looked me, her chocolate eyes full of sympathy. "Don't say that, Edward." She said quietly. She shocked me then by reaching onto the table and laying her hand on mine for just a second and then pulled back. "Sorry." She whispered, looking down.

"It's ok." It came out sounding like I was forgiving her for touching me. But it really meant that her touch was ok. It felt good. It felt warm. And the fact that I could even feel it shocked the hell out of me. I'd been keeping myself numb for so long I didn't think I could actually feel anything anymore.

"How do you feel now?" Bella asked hesitantly.

"Can we just talk about you?" I retorted quickly.

"Yeah, fine. What else do you want to know?"

I took a moment to come up with something while I sipped my beer again. "What else do you do besides work here?"

"I'm taking one class at a local college. It's all I can afford. I only make about three-thousand a month, sometimes less, the majority of which goes toward my rent."

"What's your apartment like?"

"Small, but it has a separate kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, and small living room. It's nice for someone like me."

"Have you always lived alone?"

Bella shook her head and glanced toward the bar for a moment. It was still docile so she settled back down. "After my first break up I was pretty depressed and who helped me out of it but my next boyfriend. I moved into the city with three other girlfriends from high school, one of which was the girl my recent ex cheated on me with. Of those three girls I'm still in touch with just one of them." Bella took a breath. "You want me to continue or are you tired of this melodrama?"

"No, keep going." I said looking at her.

Bella smiled shyly and sipped from her water bottle. "We'd been in the city for two years and' I'd been working here for a month. I started here the week after my twenty-first birthday. That's how I got to know Emmett. He taught me how to flair bartend. At first I was just a bartender, but not on the weekends, I was the waitress then. I've only been behind the bar permanently for the last six months. But anyway, I came home in the afternoon one day and the main thing on my agenda before going to work was that I needed to talk to one of my roommates. Because I was earning more at my job than the other three girls, I paid more toward the rent.

"Well, that month Jessica, the girl I needed to talk to, wasn't able to scrounge enough money together to pay her full share. I wanted to tell her that I would cover it but she would have to pay me back later. So I knocked on her door, we shared two bedrooms between four girls, and it opened on its own and there they were in bed together. I know I dropped everything in my hands because they were empty when I ran out of the apartment covering my face as I cried."

"Holy hell." I whispered loudly. I offered Bella the rest of my beer but she shook her head and told me to enjoy it.

"I ran to the first park I could find, curled up under a tree, and cried into my knees. I don't know how long I was there, but the next thing I knew Emmett was getting me to my feet and walking me back to his apartment." Bella continued.

"I'd only known him for a month at the time, but he was already my best friend and looked after me like a big brother. He's been like that ever since." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Later on I found out that Angela, the girl I'm still in touch with, had seen me run out of the building after I caught Jess in bed with my boyfriend.

"She ran upstairs and they were both leaving. She found my cell phone in my bag and called Emmett. I'd talked about him a million times to her and how he was such a good friend. Emmett told me as we walked to his apartment that afternoon that he had been out looking for me for two hours panic-stricken after receiving that phone call. He let me get completely trashed that night. He called us both out of work saying it was a family emergency, and they owed him time off anyway, so he just got drunk right along with me."

"Rose wasn't there?" I asked.

"No, thank God. She was away visiting her family for the weekend."

"How much did you drink?" I know I emptied my liquor cabinet the night I ended my last relationship.

"Four beers and twelve shots of JD."

"You got sick didn't you?"

"Violently." Bella laughed in an attempt to lighten the dismal atmosphere that had settled around us. "I woke up on the couch the next morning and ran to the bathroom where I camped out for almost an hour. Emmett made me toast and a Bloody Mary with extra Tabasco."

"Did it help?"

"Sort of. The Tabasco helped more than the vodka did."

I laughed quietly. Yeah, I had been in that situation before, too.

"I need to get back." Bella said getting up. She walked around to other side of the table and looked at me. "Are you staying tonight or bailing at your usual time?"

"I'll stay." I said getting up, and started to walk back toward the bar with her. As we walked down from the small platform that the tables were on, Bella's kitten heel caught between the ridges in the tile floor and she tripped. I caught her as she fell against me, laughing lightly at her typical clumsiness. But then I was caught off guard when I realized how close her face was to mine.

Bella shut her eyes for a moment as I breathed, trying to calm my now erratically beating heart, and I swore she started to lean in closer to me. She pulled back and set herself straight mumbling an apology as she moved past me quickly back to the bar.

~*~*~I~*~*~

I sat at the bar for the rest of the night thinking about that brief moment between Bella and me. What the hell had that been? And why was I confused about it? I watched Bella from time to time, offering her a glance and quick smile when she placed my second and third beers down in front of me. I hung around after the club closed at two waiting for Emmett and Bella to finish cleaning. They didn't have much since they were cleaning glasses behind the bar all night and the constant stream of people died down significantly at two when the club portion closed; although the bar stayed open till three. Some nights the owner left the club open till three depending on the flow that night.

Bella was ready to head out before Emmett was and said she was going to wait outside for us. She "needed a minute". I saw her jot something down on a piece of white paper and shove it in her pocket.

"I'll be outside." She said to Emmett.

"Don't go any further than across the street." He said as he shrugged his coat on.

"Yes sir." Bella mocked saluted him and smirked as she walked out.

"Wise ass." Emmett said with a smile shaking his head after her.

"She's good at that." I said getting up.

"At what?"

"Being a wise ass."

"She learned from the best." Emmett bragged proudly.

"Yeah, no shit." Emmett punched the back of my shoulder lightly, but it still hurt. "Jerk." We walked out and he pulled a security lock from his pocket looping it through the chain that kept the front doors of the club locked, locking it shut with a key and shoving that in his pocket. Bella was waiting for us across the street where she said she would be, looking a little anxious.

"I'm freezing." She said as Emmett and I approached.

"Then why did you come out here?" Emmett asked as we walked up onto the sidewalk.

"I told you, I needed a minute alone to think. Busy night. I needed to clear my head."

I looked down at the concrete beneath my feet going over everything in my mind that Bella had said tonight. She had given me just a tiny bit of insight into the person she was and what she had been through in the last three years.

"Are you coming by tomorrow night?" Emmett asked. I looked up at him.

"What?"

"Are you coming by tomorrow night?" Emmett repeated, a little bit more sarcastically.

"Oh, Uh… Not sure."

"All right. Well, see you maybe." I watched him and Bella turn to go and I turned as well to head in my direction when Bella called my name.

"Edward."

I spun back around to face her and watched as she walked up to me. The next thing I knew her mouth was against mine and she was taking my hand. I felt my eyes widen in shock for the briefest moment as she continued to press her lips to mine with just enough pressure, but they shut as her other hand buried itself in my hair. After maybe ten seconds she parted from me pulling her hand from mine. She stared up into my eyes with her impossible brown ones, and smiled a small, embarrassed smile and then turned to go.

Emmett was glaring at her as she approached him. I looked down at my hand as my fingers curled around the white piece of paper I had seen her write on earlier.

"What the fuck was that?" I heard Emmett ask her as they started to walk off.

"I can kiss whom I want, Em. I don't need your express permission."

"Why did you do that?" Emmett continued.

"None of your business." Bella snapped back.

"Bells, that was seriously the stupidest thing I've ever seen you do."

"Piss off, Emmett." Their voices faded as they walked farther away and I was left standing there feeling completely dumbfounded and in a state of shock.

I unfolded the piece of paper, my fingers coming up to touch my lips as I read the name and jumble of numbers that I was staring at.

**A/N: Review please!**


	3. Holding Me

**A/N: Chapter 3, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I don't know why I walked in this direction for fifteen minutes, but I was standing outside the building at the address on the paper in my hand.

What am I doing? I challenged myself.

Why am I here?

Is this really what I want?

I shouldn't be doing this.

I shouldn't be here.

I looked up at the building wondering which floor I would have to walk up to. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed then ten-digit number that accompanied the address.

"Hello?" Bella's thick, sleepy voice answered.

"Hi." I answered, for lack of a better response. "Did I wake you?"

"Edward?"

"It's me."

"Um, yeah, you woke me, but it's ok. I wasn't… um, expecting you to call tonight." She said through a yawn.

"Then why did you give me your number and address if you didn't want me to show up?"

"I just wanted to let you know you can reach out to me if you need to."

"I hardly know you, Bella."

"It was an offer, Edward. You don't have to take me up on it."

I stood there looking the building up and down as an uncomfortable silence passed between us. "Why did you kiss me like that?"

"I didn't kiss you in any specific way." Bella said, sounding more awake now. Strangers calling at four AM could do that to you, especially if they were using a cynical tone like I was.

"Yes you did. That wasn't just a kiss, Bella, there was emotion behind it, something hidden and buried beneath the surface."

Bella sighed on the other end and I heard a creaking noise in the background. She must have been sitting up in bed. "Do you really want me to answer that?"

I thought about it for a minute, shuffling on my feet. I saw a light turn on in a window and looked up to the top floor. I hoped she didn't live up there. "No right now." I finally answered. "Bella, what if I said I wanted to reach out to you?"

"Is something wrong? Where are you?" Bella's voice had suddenly grown a little panicky and I heard the urgency in it.

"No, I'm fine. I'm outside actually."

"Of my building?" She asked sounding calmer now.

"Yeah, and its freezing."

I heard Bella take a breath and the sound of sheets fluttering. I thought I heard floorboards creaking but I couldn't be sure. "Do you want to come up?" She asked.

"Yes." I said without thinking. "What floor are you on?"

"Look up." I did and saw Bella standing at a window on the top floor. Of fucking course. Sometimes I really hated it when I was right. "Hi." She said smiling down at me.

"Hi." I responded, but didn't return the smile.

"I'll be down in a minute." I watched Bella talk into her phone. She waved and hung up. I slipped my phone back into my pocket and waited at the door for her. I saw her descending the stairs a couple minutes later, a ring of two or three keys in her hand. She walked up to the door and unlocked it from the inside pushing it open for me. "Are you sure you want to come up?" She asked as I walked in and the heavy door shut behind me. It sounded too final.

"Yeah, I'm sure. I want to talk to you some more. Unless you want to get some sleep?"

"No, no. I'm wide awake." Bella said locking the door. I looked her up and down quickly. She was wearing a thin ice blue sweater over a gray tank top that she was obviously not wearing a bra beneath and gray sleep shorts. She had white ballet slippers on and her hair was tied back into a loose knot with a ribbon that matched her sweater.

"Are you sure?" I asked as we headed for the stairs. "I can go if you want me to."

"No, I want you to stay." Bella said looking straight into my eyes. "I mean you might as well now that you're here." She said recovering from her slight trance.

"Well then, lead the way." We got up maybe two flights of stairs before I started complaining. "My ass is going to be so sore tomorrow."

"You get used to it, especially if you're carrying bags of groceries with you. At least I don't have to pay for a gym membership."

"True."

"You know, I just thought of something." Bella said as ascended the third flight.

"What's that?"

"You still haven't told me your last name."

She was right. "Cullen." I said with a small smile.

"That's my best girlfriend's last name." Bella said sounding pleasantly surprised.

"What's her first?"

"Alice, why?"

"Oh God… Is she shorter than you with dark spiky hair? Looks like a pixie and acts like one, too?"

"Yeah, are you two related?" Bella asked enthusiastically.

"Yeah." I nodded. "That's my little sister."

"Wow." Bella breathed.

"Small fucking world." I said sounding a little exasperated. How much more was life going to throw at me in the course of one week? "She's never mentioned you, though. Well, I haven't exactly spoken to her in a year. Maybe once or twice in the last eight months."

"Yeah, me either unfortunately. We email every now and then and keep each other up to date, but we haven't actually hung out since Halloween last year. She's been really busy with her new job and me with mine so…" Bella stopped at a door. "This is me." She said taking the key ring out again and selecting one of the three to unlock her door with.

"So what is each one of those for?" I asked.

"One is for the door downstairs, one is for my door, and one is for my mailbox downstairs. Emmett has an extra key for my apartment just in case of emergencies."

"Isn't that illegal?" I asked as we walked in and Bella shut the door sliding the deadbolt and chain lock into place.

"No, my landlord gives everyone one extra key. I just didn't keep it. Whenever I move out, if ever, I have to get it back from Emmett."

"Hm." I nodded as I looked around. "Wow, you weren't kidding when you said small."

"It's big to me." Bella said dropping her keys in a bowl on an end table by the door. She flicked a light on. "You want something to drink?"

I turned to look at her as she walked into her kitchen that was just off the door. "Sure, what do you have?"

"A lot. Whenever we get shipments in we always get two crates more than we need in just about everything and over time that builds up so instead of letting it all go to waste our manager lets us take home bottles every now and then."

"That's cool." I said looking around again, avoiding her gaze. It was too penetrating, like she could see straight into my soul, and I wasn't sure if I wanted her to. At least not yet. "What do you have cold?"

"Baileys, wine, I have come vodka in the freezer."

"Wine sounds good."

Bella smiled and went about getting two wine glasses down from a cabinet and a bottle of Zinfandel from the fridge. She filled both glasses half full and handed me one.

"Thanks."

"Want to sit?"

I nodded and followed her to the couch where she sat in the middle and I sat off to one side. I still wasn't sure if I was entirely comfortable being here let alone if I wanted to be.

"I think it's your turn to tell me more about yourself, Edward. I did most of the talking earlier."

I took a deep breath and downed my entire glass of wine. Bella had brought the bottle over wit her and was now refilling my glass. "Thanks." I said again. I took another deep breath and let it out slowly this time. Bella watched me as I ran my hand through my always-mussed hair. She held her glass underneath the goblet portion as she sipped her wine waiting patiently for me to begin.

"Where do you want me to start?" I asked, mimicking her from earlier.

Bella blushed, smiled shyly, and dipped her head for a moment before looking up at me. "How long have you known Emmett?" She asked.

"Three years. Since he and Rose started dating. I met him through Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, who happens to be Rose's younger brother."

"Yeah, I remember you told me that. Wow, really, really small world."

"Yeah, talk about degrees of separation."

"How long have you been living in the city?" She asked next.

"Since I was nineteen. I moved her with my-" I stopped. I almost said girlfriend. "Sorry." I said taking a breath. "I moved here with my… My…"

Bella reached over and took my hand. "It's ok, Edward, you don't have to say anything."

I didn't respond but just took a breath, not reacting to her touch this time. Bella pulled back and set her glass down on the table. She moved next to me so our thighs were touching. I didn't look at her, my head down and my eyes shut trying to fight back the sudden flood of tears that had threatened to fall.

"I'm sorry." I whispered holding the bridge of my nose. "I'm being such a pansy."

"No…" Bella said comfortingly. She took my hand again and this time held it between both of hers with no sign that she was going to let go this time.

"I'm just… I still haven't gotten over it completely." I said looking at her now. The water in my eyes had receded a little, but they still felt glassy.

"Over what?"

"Oh right, I haven't told you that. I've been cheated on, too. And she wasn't just my girlfriend, Bella. She was my fiancée."

Bella gasped audibly but she didn't let go of my hand to cover her mouth the way most people did. I was thankful she didn't let go. Her touch was a soothing balm right now, keeping the pain at bay.

"Oh, Edward, I had no idea."

At least she wasn't apologizing. I hated it when people did that. It didn't really mean anything. It was just a reflexive, human response.

"Emmett saying I've had a hard time is an understatement. Mine about wanting to be six feet under was closer to the truth."

Bella didn't say anything, she just let me talk. I hadn't wanted this to happen. I'd just wanted to have a conversation with this girl again. Hear her voice and hope it chased my ghosts away. I didn't want it to turn into a bitching fest.

I can't do anything right.

"You don't have to keep going, Edward." Bella said softly after a minute of heavy silence, with interspersed sniffing from me, passed between us.

"I don't think I can. And I've been so good lately."

"Yeah you have. You've gotten much better over the past six months I've been behind the bar permanently. I've watched you. You look so much better than you did eight months ago."

I looked up at her. "I honestly don't remember you. Well, eight months ago I was just starting to go to the club every night at Emmet's suggestion. I broke up with my ex at Christmas last year and for two months I did nothing. I couldn't. I dropped out of college and just stayed at Emmett and Rose's. He didn't want me being alone. I started back with my classes last month."

"Where do you go?"

"Just this little shit college five blocks from the club."

"That's where I go."

I snorted a laugh. "That's not a surprise."

"Yeah, we have more in common that I thought we would."

I breathed out and raked my free hand back through my hair to clear it out of my eyes. "Yeah I'm only going there because it's where my ex was going since all of her friends from high school went there after. I should be at the Ivy League college I got accepted to, but I wanted to be with Ta-" I didn't know if I could say her name. I let out a shaky breath and felt Bella squeeze my hand comfortingly.

"It's all right, Edward. Let's talk about something else. What are you studying?"

"Chemistry, I'm pre-med."

"OOhh, impressive. But I hate chemistry." Bella made a gagging sound and I chuckled the best I could despite my current mood.

"What classes are you taking?" I asked, trying to keep the conversation away from myself.

"Class." Bella corrected. "Single, it's all I can afford. History. That's what I want to major in eventually."

"Was that you favorite subject in high school?"

"No, biology was. My least favorite was PE. You can guess why."

"Grace isn't your middle name." I stated.

"No, it's Marie." Bella teased, going along with the joke. "But yes. PE plus klutzy Bella equals someone gets hurt besides me."

"What's your full name?" I asked reaching for my glass and taking a long sip of the now semi-cold wine. Bella let go of my hand with one of hers so she could sip her wine as well.

"Isabella Marie Swan." She said setting her glass down. "What's yours?"

"Edward Anthony Cullen."

"Nice to meet you." Bella said sticking her hand out in my direction. I smiled a small, amused smile and took it with my freehand shaking it t better than I had the first time.

"Nice to meet you."

Bella smiled and yawned. I glanced at the cable box and saw that it was close to five AM. "I should go." I said but I didn't mean it. The last thing I wanted to do was to leave and lose this aura of peace that Bella created around me and go home to my empty two-bedroom apartment.

"Do you want to stay? I mean, there's really no point in going, it's five in the morning. Stay and sleep on the couch."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'll get you a blanket." Bella finally let my hand go and I felt emptiness where she had been holding it for so long. She got off the couch and disappeared into her bedroom returning a moment later with an old quilt in her arms. "This always helped me fall asleep when I was kid, no matter how crappy my day was. There's just something comforting about it. Use it, it might help." She said leaving it on the arm of the couch for me.

"Thank you." I said as I got up. "Uh… Can I use your bathroom for a minute?" I asked feeling a little embarrassed.

"Sure. It's through my bedroom on the right."

I nodded and headed in the direction she jabbed her thumb in. This also gave me the chance to see the rest of her apartment. Her bedroom was small, but not tiny. Big enough to fit a full-size bed, two nightstands, a rocking chair, a tall armoire, bookcase, and a standing full length mirror. Her bathroom, however, was tiny. She had smallest standing shower I had ever seen, a single counter with a sink and a mirror above it, and of course a toilet. Everything was in shades of blue. I liked it, but it was too small for me. I took care of my business and was just washing my hands when I heard Bella knock on the door.

"I just wanted to let you know I have an extra toothbrush in the cabinet over the sink if you want to use it."

"Thanks." I said hoping she heard me through the door. I opened the small mirror-cabinet over the sink and found the packaged toothbrush. I noticed the one she had in the stand by the faucet was green. The one in my hand, blue. At least there was definite difference between them. I brushed my teeth and rinsed and then left the toothbrush in the stand next to hers.

"Thank you." I said walking back out into the living room. Bella was in her small kitchen space washing out the glasses. She had already put the bottle back in the fridge.

"You're welcome." She said turning over her shoulder and smiling at me. When she finished she dried her hands with a towel, which she simply tossed onto the counter. "I'll leave my bedroom door open in case you need anything. I'll see you when the sun is completely up."

"Ok, see you then."

Bella turned to head into her room and I started to unbutton my top shirt so I could sleep in just my t-shirt underneath when she turned and whispered my name. I turned to look at her.

"Edward," she said again, remaining where she was standing three feet away from me.

"Yeah?" I asked, stopping with my unbuttoning.

Bella walked up to me and stood on her tiptoes to kiss my cheek. "Sleep well," she said softly.

I looked down at her for a moment watching the small, shy smile that played at her lips. "You, too." I whispered.

"Thank you."

This time when she turned to go she didn't stop and look back and disappeared through her open door.

~*~*~I~*~*~

I don't know how long I was lying on her couch for, it felt like hours, but when I rolled over and looked at the cable box it said 5:30. Great. I hated it when I couldn't sleep. The sun had come up just a little bit more behind her closed curtains. There was still not much light from it outside from what I could tell. I rolled back over to face the back of the couch and pulled Bella's quilt up to me shoulders. It was definitely warm and smelled sweet, like strawberries. She must use this on her bed. It had to be her scent. No way would a blanket naturally smell this good.

But I knew why I couldn't sleep. Talking about my breakup had stirred a lot of old, excruciating memories for me and they kept playing like a movie behind my eyes. I tried to remember how it felt when Bella held my hand and the peace that had accompanied it. A memory was nothing like the real thing. I knew exactly what I needed, well wanted, at that moment.

I got up from the couch taking the quilt with me and headed for Bella's room. I walked in with the quilt over my arm and saw her sleeping there balled up on her bed under just her sheet. She didn't look to be shivering but I wouldn't be surprised if she was considering the quality of heat in this place. I went over to the side of her bed and leaned down to gently place my hand on her shoulder, but I stopped and just stared at her face as she slept. It was so tranquil and still. I envied her peace of mind. The only thing that was moving was the piece of hair that fallen across her perfect pink lips and drifted up and down as she breathed.

I reached out and brushed it away trying my best not to wake her, but I learned that night that Bella was a light sleeper, and she reached up to take my hand, her eyes fluttering open.

"Hey," She said quietly. "You ok?"

"No, not really."

Bella surprised me then by scooting over a foot in her bed and holding the sheet up, inviting me to lay with her. It really shocked me how well she could read me, almost as if she could read my thoughts. "It's ok, Edward. Actually, I could use the warmth. It's freezing in here."

"What do you expect when you give me your only blanket?" I asked as I spread it out over her bed on top of the sheet. I was still wearing my jeans, and I was sure Bella didn't want to feel the denim, so I stripped them off before climbing into her bed beside her in just my t-shirt and shorts.

Bella lay on her side and I lay on my back. I expected her to snuggle up next to me, and frankly I wanted her to. I wanted to repay her for the half hour she spent freezing. But she surprised me again when she told me to lay on my side facing away from her so my back was to her.

"Edward," she said looking at me, supporting herself on an elbow. "I can tell your mind is reeling right now and you need more than just sleep. Roll onto your side." She said gently. I did as she asked and gasped as she spooned up behind me, snaking one arm underneath me and up around my chest, making me lift off the mattress for a moment, and slipping the other over my side so I was wrapped in the complete circle of her arms. She pulled me flush against her and stroked my chest through my t-shirt.

"Bella," I whispered her name but she shushed me and told me to try and fall asleep.

"Just try. I'm right here, ok? I won't let you go. This is what you need right now, what you've needed for months. You just haven't been mentally ready for it. But I think you are now, or you wouldn't have come in here in the first place."

She pressed her soft lips to the back of my neck and continued to stroke my chest comfortingly. "It's ok." She whispered again. "I'm right here, Edward."

I couldn't say anything. I had no words. Just this utter peace that was so perfect. And all she was doing, this girl I had just met a week ago and hardly knew, this perfect, beautiful stranger that I knew next to nothing about, was simply holding me.

**A/N: Review please!**


	4. Comfort

**A/N: Chapter 4, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I woke before she did, looking down at her peaceful face as she slept in my arms, her head cradled against my chest. She had been holding me last night, and I'll admit she was right I'd needed to be held, quite desperately. But eventually she had gone completely limp in her sleep and I had woken some time around eight so I had shifted the best I could without waking her and rolled onto my back so I could hold her against me. I'd fallen back to sleep almost immediately and had woken again only minutes ago. Glancing over at the alarm clock on Bella's nightstand I saw it was eleven now. I looked back to her, watching her eyelids flutter delicately in her sleep and feeling the gentle rise and fall of her chest as she breathed evenly.

Slowly I lifted my hand from her side and ran it gently down the side of her face stroking her cheek. Bella moaned softly and shifted against me, her eyes opening.

Oh right, she's a light sleeper.

Oops.

"Good morning." She said quietly, smiling softly up at me.

"Good morning." I responded.

Bella looked around for a moment taking in our current position. "You're holding me." She said, sounding a little amazed.

"Yeah, you gave me something last night that no one has thought to give me in ten months. And you were right. It was exactly what I needed, to be held."

Bella just looked at me as I continued, her hand flat against my chest. Whether or not she realized it was over my heart I didn't know. "I don't want to sound girly or pathetic, but I do need to be held. And I just thought I'd return the favor."

Bella blinked up at me and then turned her face downcast and wrapped one arm underneath me and one across my chest. She laid her head on my heart now. I wrapped my arms firmly around her in return.

"You're right." She whispered. "Sometimes it is exactly what you need." She sighed contently and snuggled a little closer. "You're warm in the morning."

"I'm human, I should be."

"No, I mean comfortably warm." Bella laughed. "You make a good pillow, too." She looked up at me. "You just all around feel good to wake up next to."

I tucked my finger under her chin to keep her face angled up to mine. "So do you." I whispered. I noticed then how the soft glow of the sunlight coming through her window was illuminating her face. She was astonishing and beautiful. I let my finger trace along her jaw and the angles of her cheekbones.

"Bella?" I said her name softly. "Can I try something?"

"Anything." She answered in a breathy voice.

I tilted her face upwards more and I leaned down to gently press my lips to hers. Bella kissed me back just as gently, sensing the hesitancy of the moment. I parted from her, but just for a moment giving neither of us the time to open our eyes. I pressed my mouth to hers again just a touch harder this time. She responded in the same way her hand slowly finding its way into my hair.

After maybe a minute I felt myself rolling Bella onto her back and laying myself atop her. She now wound both of her hands in my hair holding me. I parted from her to change the angle of our kiss, the pressure still soft, both of our mouths closed. I lifted Bella up to wrap both of my arms around her, her breath catching as I kissed her just a little bit harder.

I buried one hand in her soft, silky hair as hers left mine and traveled down my back to slip under my t-shirt and stoke the skin of my back. It felt so good, so comforting. Her touch was gentle and like nothing I had ever felt before. The intensity of it was too much and I pulled back from her rolling away.

"I'm sorry." Bella whispered as I settled on to my back.

"It's no you, it's me." I said. "I'm not as ready for that as I thought I was."

"But at least you're trying." Bella said propping herself on one elbow. She reached out laying her hand on my stomach. "However, you're trying to make leap and bounds when you should be taking baby steps." She ran her hand gently up and down my torso. I could tell from the softness of her touch she was trying to comfort and not seduce.

"At least you're trying." She repeated quietly. "And that's always a step in the right direction. You can't expect yourself to snap out of it overnight."

"I know." I said. "I don't expect that, but you'd think I'd have snapped out of it by now."

"It's been a year for me since my break up and I still haven't snapped out of it."

I looked at her. I was shocked. She seemed so stable, so together. It truly surprised me that she was still getting over her break up. A brief silence passed between us.

"Are you hungry?" Bella asked eventually.

"Yeah." I admitted.

"What would you like?"

I thought for a moment. "You cook?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'll make whatever you want. What are you in the mood for?"

No one had cooked for me in a long time. I'd been living off of Chinese food, pizza, and frozen meals. Occasionally I went out with friends, but not that occasionally. I'd only managed not to round out in the last ten months because Emmett made me go running with him four times a week under the guise of making sure I got enough sunlight.

"Eggs." I said finally.

"Ok, I'll make omelets. Anything else?" Bella asked starting to get up. She grabbed her ribbon from the nightstand and tied her hair back into a ponytail again.

"Toast."

"I'll make my special toast then."

"What is it?"

"It's a surprise." Bella smiled at me. She started to get off the bed but I reached an arm out looping it around her waist and pulled her back down to me. I leaned up to kiss her but Bella put a finger to my lips to stop me. "Baby steps, Edward." She whispered.

She must have really wanted to kiss me again, which confused me since we hardly knew each other. I saw the desperation in her eyes and heard it in her breathing as it hitched.

"Why don't you go take a shower?" She suggested getting back up. "Emmett has an overnight bag in the bathroom, you can use his stuff."

"Huh?" I asked, feeling an eyebrow quirk.

"I'll explain later, it's nothing like that." Bella assured me as she threw a knee-length robe on over her sleep clothes. I believed her.

"Bella," I said as she walked out.

"Yeah?" She asked turning back to me.

"Thank you."

She smiled brightly at me. "You're more than welcome, Edward." She breathed for a moment before adding. "Take your time, too. I'll be in the kitchen." Bella shut her door as she walked out.

I let my mind wander as I walked into her bathroom. I couldn't believe that the last twelve hours had really happened, that Bella and I had actually had all of those radical conversations. To me we were still essentially strangers. We had only known each other a week, but we seemed to connect on such a deep level. It was all just utterly confusing. Maybe a hot shower would help soothe my mind a little.

I took my time in the bathroom like Bella has asked me to and tried to relax, but I just couldn't. Here I was in a perfect stranger's apartment. Well, I suppose she wasn't that much of a stranger anymore. But I was using her shower. I looked around at the products in her shower as I went through my normal routine of washing my hair and body. I noticed her shampoo and temptation won over.

I popped the cap on it and sniffed. Strawberries. So I had been right about the blanket. God it smelled wonderful. I let myself entertain the thought that it probably smelled even better on Bella than it did in the bottle. Just the thought of how it would combine with her natural pheromones started to give me a slight hard on and I reached for the knob, turning the water from scalding to ice. There, that was better, for now.

Oh no, what am I getting myself into?

Stop it, Edward Cullen, you're a grown man.

Trust yourself.

I got out of the shower and toweled off quickly and dressed even faster. When I went back out into the bedroom I noticed that Bella had retrieved my button down from her living room and had folded it and my jeans and left them on her bed.

After pulling those on I made up her bed for her, it was the least I could do after the hospitality she had been showing me. I did a terrible job of course, the sheet was bunched up underneath the quilt, and the pillows lay at odd angles… I never made my own bed so what had made me think I could make hers was beyond me.

When I walked out of the bedroom finally I first caught the smell of garlic, and then oregano, and then something else. What was she making? That didn't smell like omelets. I turned the small corner and looked into the kitchen. Bella was standing at her stove with her back to me. Her left foot came up and rubbed the back of her right leg for a moment. It was a cute little movement for her. Something unconsciously done.

"That smells really good." I said to get her attention.

Bella turned and smiled at me. "Hey, I was wondering about you. Guess you needed a long shower?"

"Yeah, sometimes you just need to stand there and soak."

"I understand." Bella said turning back to the stove.

I walked into the small kitchen space and stood beside her at the stove. She was indeed making an omelet, but it wasn't one that I recognized. Diced up tomatoes were mixed in with the eggs and the overwhelming smell of Italian spices was assaulting my senses, but in a very good way.

"What exactly is in that?" I asked.

"Bruschetta." Bella answered simply. "My own concoction. I came up with it after I bought some one night for dinner and had a little left over in the morning. When I made it that time I used Swiss cheese, but this time I'm using Provolone. I think you'll like it."

"Sounds very savory." I leaned back against a counter and watched her carefully flip the omelet over in the pain.

"It is. That's what my special toast is for." Bella nodded to the counter opposite me where she had two plates ready to go, each with two pieces of toast on them already. "You want to butter them for me and sprinkle them with the cinnamon and sugar, please?" She added at the end, smiling endearingly at me.

How could I resist? "Sure."

"So, when was the last time someone cooked for you?" Bella asked as she walked over and placed the omelet on a plate. She had a second one going in a separate pan that was ready to be flipped.

I finished with my task and turned to watch her work. She was fascinating to watch. She was very systematic and organized, but loose. Not everything had to be perfect and done right. It just had to be done plain and simple.

"A long time ago. Emmett would cook for me when I stayed with him, Rose doesn't cook, but someone just cooking for me because they want to… It's been a long time." I wanted to say her name, I just didn't know if I could. I had to at least try. I took a deep breath. A motion that didn't go unnoticed by Bella and she smiled apologetically at me.

"Tanya cooked for me every once and a while, I did most of it when we were together, but every so often she would surprise me with something special that she had made all on her own. She was a lot like Rosalie, just less loyal and not quite as blonde. I mean that literally. She was more of a strawberry blonde. That wasn't a ditz crack."

"I know." Bella laughed. She walked over to me and placed the second omelet on the empty plate and handed it to me with a fork. "I hope you like it." She said.

"Thanks."

We stood there in the kitchen eating. Technically I inhaled. Number one I was starving, and number two it was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted. Bella watched me the whole time with a pleased smile on her face.

"So," I started looking up from my plate finally, "what's with the overnight bag?"

"Oh right." Bella said as she remembered from earlier. "Uh, when I first broke up with Mike last year I was a mess, and I had no choice but to remain in that apartment. I spent a lot of nights at Emmett and Rose's, and she eventually helped me find this place. I think it was mostly because she wanted me gone, but I knew she was also doing it because she cared."

Bella ate for a minute so she could pause and organize her thoughts before she continued. "After I moved in here right before Christmas Emmett still didn't trust me to be on my own so sometimes he would spend the night to make sure I was ok. He hasn't done that in about five months. I really should give that bag back to him."

"So I assume that means you're ok now?" I asked placing my plate in her sink.

"No, sometimes I have a meltdown and I'll stay over night with Emmett and Rose. She doesn't care as much now. I just sleep on the couch and then leave in the morning. Sometimes I just don't want to be alone at night." Bella looked up at with glassy eyes.

I immediately walked over to her and pulled her into my arms pressing her head to my chest. She just stood there and let me hold her and rock her back and forth. Her arms wrapped lightly around me her hands resting on the small of my back.

"Thank you." She whispered.

"It feels gratifying to know that I can provide this for someone when I'm such a fucked up mess myself."

"You're not fucked up, Edward." Bella said quietly, looking up at me earnestly.

"But I am a mess."

"Aren't we all in one way or another at some point in our lives? It's just a part of being human. It's just a part of life."

"That we're all made to suffer?" I asked. Bella pulled back from me a little bit and continued to hold my gaze nodding solemnly.

"Yes." She said simply. She folded herself back into my embrace and I held her steady. "But it helps if someone else is there for you, to provide the comfort and security that we all need to get through our trials and tribulations in life."

I hadn't felt compelled to do this for someone in a long time, but something inside me wanted to provide just that for Bella. Hell, she was already providing it for me. The least I could do was give it back to her in some degree in return. She deserved at least that if not more. She truly deserved more than she settled for in life. I wanted to give it all to her, but the realization of that want scared me. Terrified me actually.

I did my best not to let it show as we continued to stand there in her small kitchen holding each other. It was a nice moment. A peaceful moment. I didn't want to shatter it and wind up hating myself all over again. I would have to deal with my fear alone.

**A/N: Review please!**


	5. Thanks Emmett, Thanks a Lot

**A/N: Chapter 5, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

I walked into the club on Saturday evening with Emmett's overnight bag in my hand. I'd forgotten it for over a week now to bring it to work with me. I also hadn't heard from Edward in the past week. I'd seen him every night at the bar and we talked, but he didn't call me and he didn't come by. He never even mentioned in passing that he was interested in doing so.

Had I done something wrong?

Was it something I said?

Maybe I'd scared him.

Maybe he wasn't ready to let someone in.

He'd been through more of a hellish ordeal than I had. Still, I'm here. _I'll help you_, I thought, _but when you're ready._

"This is yours." I said putting the black zip bag on the bar.

"Don't need it there anymore?" Emmett asked as he dried a couple glasses.

"Nope." I said confidently, sitting down on a stool.

Emmett smiled proudly at me, like a big brother would to his little who'd just taken her first step. "Good." He finished his task before leaning on the counter for a moment and looking around as if searching for something. Then he looked at me. "I like it here before we open for the night, when it's quiet."

I pulled my cell phone from my purse and flipped it open. No new calls. Oh well. "Yeah, it's nice." I said absentmindedly, placing my phone down on the counter.

"So, Edward tells me he stayed at your apartment last week." Emmett said. I could hear the accusatory tone in his voice. "What's that about?" he asked.

"Nothing. Can I have some water?"

Emmett glared at me while he got out a tall glass. "Answer the question."

"Nothing happened. Nothing like that. And what did happen is none of your business. Thanks." I said as he placed the glass down in front of me.

"This isn't what he needs right now, Bella." Emmett said staring at me.

"And what exactly do you think it is that he does need?" I asked placing my glass down and folding my arms on the bar.

"He doesn't need someone providing a crutch for him to lean on. He needs to stand on his own." Emmett explained without being rude about it.

"I'm not acting like a crutch, Emmett. I'm letting stand on his own. Bu people can still topple over and I just want to be there to catch him. He shouldn't have to fall alone, again." I could hear the compassion in my voice and it shocked me. I know I meant every word and I know I have feelings for Edward… And I know how strong they are. I looked up at Emmett for a moment, my expression soft, and then dropped my eyes. I knew he could see the real emotions in them, I'd wanted him to.

"Bella?" Emmett asked, and from his tone it sounded like an eyebrow had quirked. "Please don't tell me…"

"I love him, Emmett." I said looking up and taking a breath. "I've been in love with him for months now, but from a distance."

Emmett shook his head. "I assume you haven't told him."

"No, I can't. At least not yet." I sipped my water.

"Good, don't." Emmett said and turned away from me.

I set my glass down and stared at his back. He was going over the bottles on the wall behind the bar. I watched his reflection in the mirror behind the bottles. He stared back.

"And why the hell not?" I asked.

Emmett turned back to me as he wrote on a small pad and then set it down. "I told you, this isn't what he needs right now."

"You're wrong. This is exactly what he needs." I folded my arms on the bar again and stared up at Emmett intent on getting my point across to him. "I'll tell you one thing that happened. He slept in my bed with me and I held him. He told me later that morning that it was exactly what he needed."

"He doesn't know what he needs." Emmett said shaking his head. "And he definitely doesn't know what he wants." He picked up the pad and a pen and turned back to the wall to continue checking the bottles.

"You need to give him a little more credit. He's come a long way. I've watched him slowly return to some definition of normal over the past six months. And he does know what he needs maybe not what he wants, but he knows what needs." I said firmly.

"And what exactly do you think that is?" Emmett asked without turning to look at me.

"Companionship or something like that. Just have someone there for him."

Emmett shook his head again. "He needs this time alone to figure things out."

"He's been alone long enough, Em." I said quietly, and sipped my water again.

"He hasn't come back has he?" Emmett asked turning to me now, leaving the pad on the back counter.

"Not to my apartment, no."

"That's a good thing, Bella." Emmett said sincerely. "You two don't need to get involved with each other. You have too much in common in terms of problems."

"Who do you think you are? You can't tell me who I can and can't get involved with." I said angrily. Honestly, Emmett may act like an older, protective brother, but he _wasn't_ my brother and therefore had no authority over me. "And it's good that we have the same problem in common, we can talk to each other about it and help each other. Why do you have a problem with it?"

"I can see this ending one of two ways." Emmett said slowly. "One, you two live happily ever after. Edward comes out of his funk and loves you back and you both grow and heal together. Two, he sees you as just a friend, nothing more, and will never see you as more than that. He'll never see you as "relationship material"." Emmett stared at me the whole time he made his speech making sure I heard everything he was saying.

"And when he heals you'll still be just a friend to him, nothing more, and I know that will break your heart. I'm sure just thinking about that possibility and thinking about watching him fall in love with someone else is breaking your heart right now. And I don't want that to happen to you again. But I'll let you know right now that if it does I won't help you pick up the pieces."

"So basically you're saying its ok if I'm just friends with him, and that I shouldn't get my hopes up because in the end neither one of you are going to be there for me. Thanks, Emmett." I turned in my seat angrily so I wouldn't have to look at the asshole.

"I know which ending you would prefer." Emmett said quietly. "I would prefer neither and just have the two of you forget you know each other, but things have been put motion now that I can't stop."

"What about what Edward wants? Doesn't that matter? What if he does want me?" I asked desperately. "I mean, I know from where you're standing that just doesn't seem like a possibility, it's downright ludicrous that someone would want me, but hey…" My tone was positively dripping with sarcasm and angst. I was so mad now I just wanted to stomp out of here like a five-year-old, but I was a grown woman and I knew how to manage my emotions.

Emmett reached out to touch my shoulder but I shrugged it off. "That's not what I meant, Bells, come on you know that. I think you're desirable."

I snorted a laugh. "If that was true, and I was, then why did two guys cheat on me?"

"Because they were trash, and they treated you like trash. I just don't want-"

"Edward won't treat me like trash, Emmett." I interrupted. I knew exactly where he had been going with that one. "He doesn't right now. He's a good man and you know that."

Emmett just sighed and went back to cleaning glasses. I finished my water and as soon as I placed the glass down on the counter my cell phone vibrated. I picked it up and looked at the ID. A small smile crept onto my face as I flipped it open.

"Hello." I said pleasantly and trying to sound casual at the same time.

"Hi." Edward said simply. I loved it when he did that. Just that one simple word and the sound of his voice was already making my anger melt away. "Sorry I haven't called or anything, I've had a lot on my mind that I needed to sort out."

"I figured that' what it was. How are you?"

Edward sighed on the other end. "Good, actually. I was wondering if you could get tonight off."

"Did you have something in mind?" I asked. I glanced up at Emmet. He scowled at me, arms folded across his chest.

"I want to take you out to dinner. There's this little place in the park by my apartment I think you'll like."

I could feel butterflies dancing around in my stomach. I wondered what had brought this on with him. I'd have to interrogate later. "Uh, I need to ask, can I call you right back?"

"Yeah, sure." Edward said pleasantly.

"Ok, bye."

"Bye."

I hung up and looked at Emmett seriously. "Is Sam here, I need tonight off."

"To go on a date?" Emmett asked dryly.

"Yes. I don't need your permission to date."

"Go, I'll tell him you weren't feeling well. And this doesn't mean that I approve or that I'm giving you my blessings. I don't support this. Neither of you needs to be jumping recklessly into a relationship right now."

"We're not being reckless, and its just dinner, Emmett." I said getting up and slinging my bag over my shoulder.

"Which could lead to a lot more." Emmett shot at me.

"Which wouldn't be quite the crisis you're thinking it would be." I shot back. "There's nothing wrong with a little sex."

"Don't be flip, Bella, please. I know you're good at being a wise ass but now is not the time." Emmett was quiet for a minute and looked down at the small sink behind the bar that he was filling with fresh water and soap. I watched him, waiting impatiently for him to continue. It was getting closer to seven every minute and I still needed to call Edward back.

"Bella, I just want to say that this is the most irrational thing I've ever seen you do."

"Than just close your eyes or ignore it and it won't be there anymore." I said and turned and walked out without saying goodbye.

I didn't need his approval and I didn't want it. I pulled my phone from my pocket and dialed Edward's number. I couldn't wipe the grin from my face that had formed as soon as I heard his voice, and I didn't want to.

**A/N: Review please!**


	6. Mixed Feelings

**A/N: Chapter 6, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

After calling Edward to let him know I was free, I went straight back to my apartment to get ready. I would be lying if I said I didn't have a serious of nerves. So I put on some classical music to calm my mind as I dressed. As the last piece finished playing in the background I put my brush down on the edge of my sink and stared at myself in the mirror. What Emmett had said earlier played through my mind.

'_he sees you as just a friend, nothing more. And he will never see you as more than that. He'll never see you as "relationship material". And when he heals, you'll still be just a friend to him, nothing more.'_

I didn't want to believe that. I wanted to be with Edward. I love him. But I had to leave everything to fate right now and let the chips fall where they may. This is out of my hands.

I looked out to my bedroom when I heard my cell phone go off. I rushed out of the bathroom to grab it and flipped it open. "Are you here?" I asked.

"Yup, I'm downstairs. Want me to come up or are you coming down right now?"

"I'll come down. I'm almost ready."

"Ok, I'll see in a minute."

"Bye."

I put the phone down and shut off my stereo before slipping my black pumps on. They weren't that high, only three inches. Any higher and I'd have a problem. I usually refrained from wearing anything higher than kitten heels seeing as I was the clumsiest person on the planet and could easily trip walking across a flat surface.

I glanced at myself one last time in my full-length mirror before grabbing my simple black clutch and my coat. I took a deep breath before walking out of my apartment, locking it behind me.

~*~*~I~*~*~

**EPOV**

I waited at the door outside, hands in my pockets, waiting to see Bella descending the stairs. I rocked back and forth on my feet for a couple minutes thinking. Why did women always take forever? I heard a soft clicking on the stairs finally and looked up to see the most beautiful creature I had ever laid eyes on.

Bella had chosen the basic black dress. The length was perfect, it fell to her knees and the cut accentuated the little curves of her body in just the right way. The neckline was low but not indecent. It left a little to the imagination without reveling too much. She had done her makeup as normal. Minimal foundation, she already had the perfect complexion, grey eye-shadow mixed with a little black and a light application of mascara giving her eyes a smoky appearance. Her hair was down in tresses instead of curls, like she had left it in braids all day. She was breathtakingly stunning.

The source of the clicking was her heels. "Are you going to be ok in those?" I teased as she came outside.

"Yeah, I got the down five flights of stairs didn't I?"

"True." I helped her into her coat taking a moment to assess what I was wearing. Nice shoes, button down shirt, and nice jeans. Not too dressy, just liker her. The place I was taking her to wasn't formal but you didn't exactly show up in sweats to it. I noticed before Bella had put her coat on that she wasn't wearing any of her regular jewelry either.

If I had to describe Bella's taste in jewelry it was simple, elegant, and sometimes slightly "punkish" if that's a word. It depended on what she was wearing, and considering the fact that she worked at a club and bartended she normally gravitated toward the "punk" variety. Or maybe "rocker" was a better descriptive word. Whatever you want to call it, she always looked beautiful and never overdone.

We both walked to the in-park restaurant with our hands in our pockets. I'll admit I was trying to discreetly play a little pocket pool with my index finger trying to provide a little relief. The initial sight of Bella had given me a significant hard on. It was involuntary I can't help it, and it was only getting worse every time I caught the sweet scent of her next to me. Thankfully it was dark out and the streetlights were low.

We talked about how about how both of our past weeks had been, Bella doing most of the talking. Although our stories collaborated when it came to what we did at night. I talked about midterms that were coming up and Bella commented that the one class she was taking didn't have a midterm. Lucky, I had four.

"So what brought this on?" she asked.

"What?" I looked over at her and once again felt my jeans constrict a little. Calm down, it's like it's been forever since I'd last had sex. Well actually, it has. Great, making up for lost time. Not a good thing on a first date.

"You asking me out." Bella clarified.

"Oh. Well I just wanted to thank you for being so… For everything you did for me, for being such a good person." I couldn't string a sentence together. This was going to be an interesting night. "Sorry, I can't really describe it that well."

"No, it's ok." Bella said reaching out and touching my arm. "I get it." She wrapped both of her arms around her slim body and shivered. "I'm freezing. I can't believe a place like this is still open at the end of October."

"Do you want my coat?" I asked gesturing to the grey wool coat I was wearing. I always thought it was exceptionally warm.

"No, it's ok." Bella said quickly. I could hear her teeth chattering in between the words.

"Are you sure you don't want this?" I offered my coat again.

"I'm sure."

Should I risk causing myself more discomfort or should I warm her up? Tough choice. I must be masochistic deep down. "Come here." I said quietly. Bella looked up at me, my arm outstretched toward her. She stepped sideways to stand next to me and I wrapped my arm around her back. "Better?" I asked.

"Yeah, thanks." Bella smiled shyly up at me. This time there was no southward rush of blood, just a warm, fuzzy tingle somewhere in my chest. I like that I made her feel good, it made me feel good.

"Just to let you know, this place is enclosed September through March, so you won't be freezing much longer." I said. I pointed out my apartment building as we passed it and said maybe we could go back there after dinner instead of walking back to her apartment. Bella shrugged and smiled at me but didn't give a vocal response.

Two more blocks of easy conversation and trading small smiles and we were at the park. I kept my arm around Bella for the remainder of the short walk to the building that housed the small restaurant this time of the year. It was simple and elegant, like Bella, all white and grey stone outside with columns in the front and a huge, glass front door.

When we got inside I took my coat off and then helped Bella out of hers holding both as we were shown to a small round table for two in the back. I watched a few guys turn their heads at Bella as we walked past and felt my ego swell slightly.

That's right she's with me, losers.

Continuing my attempts at chivalry, something I had rarely ever done with Tanya, I pulled Bella's chair out for her and pushed it in when she sat down. I watched her take in the ambient atmosphere. The inside was just as picturesque as the outside. White walls and white tablecloths with small votive candles and small round vases with red roses them serving as centerpieces.

It was a touch romantic, but not obviously so. Bella seemed quite comfortable, and that helped me relax. I was scared shitless right now along with having a slightly crippling erection. Thankfully it had subsided a bit due to the cold on the walk from Bella's apartment.

When the waitress came over we both ordered a glass of white wine. I noticed that she carded Bella but not me. Sometimes it was good to be tall. Bella shot me a smirk as she placed her license back in her small clutch. After telling us the specials for the night, which didn't sound very interesting or special, the waitress said she would be right back with our wine.

I glanced across the table at Bella and caught her eyes as she smiled at me. The soft yellow glow from the candles cast a dim shadow across her face, but it also illuminated her deep chocolate eyes. "You look beautiful." I said quietly.

"So do you." Bella responded in a breathy voice gazing into my eyes. "I mean, you clean up nice." She blushed fiercely and looked down for a minute. I laughed quietly to myself for a moment and shook my head at her bashfulness.

"Thanks." I said quietly. I hadn't shaved in a few days before tonight and contemplated doing so, but Tanya had always told me I looked sexy that way. At least in the beginning she did. And Bella had never expressed a negative opinion about it when I showed up at the club with the same amount of growth. So I had left it.

Despite the fact that I hated everything about myself and my life, I thought I actually looked good tonight. I'm naturally pale but lately, since Bella had come into my life, I was noticing some color in my face. The other day when I had gone out for lunch with Alice, finally, she had even commented on a slight sparkle in my eyes. She also pointed out that it only appeared when I talked about this particular girl.

I neglected to mention Bella's name strictly because I had no idea where this "relationship"/friendship/"arrangement" was going. Honestly, I had no idea what to call this. Alice didn't need to know, at least not yet. If this turned into something serious, and something inside me wanted it to, maybe then I would tell Alice.

And that's what was scaring the fuck out of me right now. I hardly knew this girl and already, deep down, there was this nagging need to be near her. I noticed during the last week when I wasn't at the club and didn't see her I had this physical ache inside. However, when I got there at night and saw Bella smile at me I felt something in my chest swell. There were too many emotions flying around in my head right now. Good thing I got something alcoholic. I just needed the edge taken off tonight. It was not a night to get plastered.

"So," Bella said breaking the silence that had settled around us. "Emmett is not that enthusiastic about us going out, or about "us" in general."

"Yeah, I wasn't expecting him to be supportive right off the bat. He's just as protective of me as he is of you."

Bella nodded at me across the table, glancing up as the waitress appeared with our glasses. Our conversation was paused for a minute as Bella glanced down at the menu in front of her and ordered just a salad. I glance down at mine as well and picked the first thing I saw. Something chicken

"Where were we?" I asked looking back to Bella as the waitress left. "Oh yeah, Emmett. He knows that we've been through a lot of pain in the past and he doesn't want to see either of us go through it again, and especially he doesn't want his two best friends unintentionally hurting each other. He can be abrasive, but his heart is in the right place."

"Yeah…" Bella sighed. She looked away, her eyes becoming distant as she sipped her wine.

"What is it?" I asked, my tone soft and concerned. I started to reach across the table to lay my hand on hers but stopped myself and pulled my hand back. "Did he say something to you?"

"Yeah, but I'll tell you another time." Bella said looking at me. She smiled. "Let's talk about something different."

"Like what?"

Bella chewed on her bottom lip for a moment in thought. It was adorable. "Ok, maybe we are out of new topics." She laughed.

"Why don't you just tell me what Emmett said?" I pressed lightly.

Bell took a deep breath and sipped her wine again. She absentmindedly ran her finger along the rim of the glass, but since neither the rim nor her finger were wet, no musical sound came forth. "He said that he could see one of two endings happening with us. One of them he said he saw ending in heartbreak, on my end." Bella glanced up at me. "And that he wouldn't help me pick up the pieces if it came to that."

This time when I reached out I did lay my hand on hers. "Bella, I swear I will never do that to you. The last thing I want to do is hurt you in any way."

Bella turned her hand over on the table and I laid mine down in her palm. She held my hand for a moment and we just gazed at each other. I saw something in her eyes, something she was dying to say but was holding back, and at a painful price from the solemn look on her face. I wasn't going to push her that far. If she wanted to say it, she would. But I had no idea what it could be that would cause her to look that way.

It just added more confusion on top of everything else that I was already feeling. Never had Tanya had this effect on me, even before we started dating in high school. Bella was just an all around anomaly to my mind. I couldn't read her at all. Her expressions were guarded but her body language was completely open. You can't lie with your eyes, so if I wanted to honestly know what she was feeling, I had to physically look at her and not try to read her.

And I had no problem with that. She was absolutely beautiful. I would never tire of gazing into her lovely brown eyes. They were the softest dark chocolate I had ever seen. Bar none, her most outstanding feature.

I traced the lines of her palm for several long, quiet minutes watching as Bella shut her eyes at my gentle touch. Her skin was satin soft and smooth. I wanted to touch more of her, to know if her hair felt as soft and silky as it looked. It shined in the dim light around us.

What was happening here? I never paid this much attention to the features on a girl. I never paid attention to girls. Why was this one so different? What was it about her that was making me feel this… This… Oh God…

I couldn't be.

I'm not ready for something like this, but then again, I had no fucking clue what "this" was. I'm just going to have to trust it, let it go. What's the worst that could happen? I know I want to be happy again, but is Bella the one? I just have to let it go and play out.

But something inside me was telling me yes.

Yes she was.

**A/N: Review please!**


	7. Believing is Knowing

**A/N: Chapter 7, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"No, that can't be true. I thought they only did that in movies!" I laughed out loud. Bella laughed beside me as she dug another spoonful of chocolate ice cream from the small carton we were sharing as we walked back to my apartment.

"It's true." Bella nodded, licking her spoon clean. "I really sprayed a guy one night with the soda gun. High pressure soda, too, I might add." She dug another spoonful out and handed me the carton. "What was I supposed to do? He was staring at my chest all night, always looking at my boobs and not my eyes. Then he asked me to unzip my shirt a little, said he'd tip me well if I gave him a peek. I don't think so. So I took the soda gun and sprayed him."

"Good for you. That must have happened on a night I wasn't there. I don't remember that." I dug a few spoonfuls out for myself and after a minute handed Bella back the carton. We walked in silence for a couple minutes as Bella enjoyed a couple more spoonfuls and then handed me the carton once more.

"No you were there, you had left before this happened."

"Damn, that's unfortunate."

"Yeah… Emmett gave me a high-five after. Then he told me to go home early, said I deserved it."

"Yeah, after a night like that. You want to finish this?" I asked holding out the carton. There was maybe three spoonfuls left.

"I'll share it with you." Bella offered. I handed her the carton and she took a spoonful that was half of what was left and gave me back the carton. I took my share and tossed the empty carton in a trash as we passed it.

"Wait." I said, as Bella was about to eat her share. She stopped walking as I did and looked up at me confused. "You said share, so…" I eyed my spoon and started to offer it to you.

"Oh, right." Bella laughed in acknowledgement. She stepped closer to me, stood up on her toes, and we fed each other our spoonfuls. "It actually tastes better that way." Bella said as she stepped back from me.

"Mmm…" I nodded in agreement. I looked up noticing we had stopped in front of my building and looked back to Bella. "Do you want to come up, maybe have a beer with me?"

"Sure," Bella smiled, "I'd like that."

I led Bella through the front door of the building and down a hallway to one of the elevators. I watched as she took in the slight opulence of the interior. Outside it looked average, decorative stone and glass and bronze doors. Inside was tiled hallways and carpeting. Tanya had picked it, not me, and since my parents offered to pay the rent I didn't complain. I felt bad now since I was living alone and they were still supporting me. But I had no job, no way paying for everything on my own. They always told me not to mind, they could handle it.

We rode the elevator up to the third floor and walked down the hall to my door in silence. It made me uncomfortable and I started to feel frightened again. What the hell was I doing? Why was I inviting Bella up to my place? Things could happen, physical things that I wasn't sure I was ready for.

I got the door unlocked and opened it, with a little bit of difficulty, and held it for Bella as she walked in ahead of me, and shut and locked it securely once we were both inside. I reached over onto the inside wall and switched the lights on then helped Bella out of her coat. She turned and smiled in thanks at me over her shoulder.

I took my own coat off and tossed them both over the arm of the chair in the small entry hall. Bella toed her pumps off leaving her barefoot as she walked across the soft white carpet further into my apartment.

"This is really nice, Edward." She said looking around at the living room. She turned and smirked at me. "Definitely better than my place."

I leaned against the wall and watched her, my arms folded across my chest. "But your place suits you." I said quietly.

"You think so?" Bella asked as she stopped at an end table and picked up the framed picture sitting on top of it.

I knew that one. It was of my parents, Alice, and me when she graduated high school. It was one of my favorite pictures. I had found it and put it out after Tanya moved out. There had previously been a picture of her and I on that end table, which I had rightfully smashed, tore up, burned and flushed the ashes down the toilet. When I told Emmett about that he'd laughed and said I was finally starting to get over it.

I slipped out of my shoes leaving them next to Bella's and walked over to her standing behind her as she put the frame back down on the end table. "You look so happy." She commented still looking at the photo.

"I was that day. I was so proud of Alice. She graduated valedictorian."

"Wow. I was never anywhere near that in high school. I just kind of floated through it like a ghost. I don't really remember much, just that it was survivable." Bella turned and looked up at me with a small smile and a shrug.

"You never went to any dances or prom?" I asked, a little bit surprised.

"No. No one ever asked me."

I scoffed. "Come on, you don't really expect me to believe that do you?"

"I would've said no even if someone did ask me. I can't dance." Bella admitted, blushing slightly.

"Hm…" I reached out slowly taking first her hand and seeing how she reacted to this one light touch. When she didn't pull away I reached out with my other hand and gently grasped her waist pulling her toward me. I held her against me for a moment, closing my eyes and breathing in the sweet perfume that was Bella.

I glanced down after a moment to see that she had her eyes closed as well and looked to have stopped breathing all together. I pushed her back from me and held our interlocked hands up as I spun her out from me slowly. Bella stopped and looked at me.

"What?" I asked with a small smile.

"I told you I can't dance. I don't know why you're trying to make me." Bella laughed to herself and looked down. "Unless you want to end up in the hospital."

"You're not that clumsy. You're too little to cause me that much bodily damage. And besides," I breathed deeply and let it out as a sigh, "I've been in the hospital enough this year."

Bella looked at me confused. "You… Have you tried…?"

"No, no." I said as I picked up where she was going with her question. "I would never do that. Yes, I thought about it, but I'm too much of a coward to be that selfish."

"Yeah, those were my thoughts, too." Bella said quietly.

"You?" I asked, hardly able to believe that someone like Bella would ever think of taking her own life.

"Yeah, me too, Edward." She said looking up at me with doleful eyes. "When you go through something that painful the only thing you can think about is finding some way to make the pain go away."

"Yeah." I said slowly. How had we gotten onto this subject? I figured I should close it quickly before it went somewhere neither of us wanted to go ever again. "But I was in the hospital because I was drinking way too much and got violently sick. My father was always afraid of me getting alcohol poisoning, but I was always just a touch away from it never quite there. My mind always had a way of telling me to stop before I went too far, no matter how inebriated I got."

"I'm glad." Bella said quietly. Her hands were pressed flat to my chest as she looked back up at me. "I don't know what I would do without you, Edward."

I don't know if she meant for it to sound the way that it did, but her tone rocked me to my core and I swear I thought I heard something in her voice that sounded like compassion. Not the compassion where you only care for the person, but the kind of compassion that came from deep within your soul, the kind that signifies love.

But again, I thought I heard it, and again I didn't know if that's how Bella meant for her statement to sound. Still, it terrified me only because I thought I was feeling the same.

I wanted to run.

I wanted to hide.

I'm not ready for this.

Physically I want nothing more, but emotionally… I'm just not there. I don't know if I ever can be again. Tanya not only tore my heart out, but she stomped on it until it was a pulp and there was nothing left. I never have managed to put the pieces back together.

I remembered then that Bella had been through the same shit. Twice. That's more than me, and I had no idea how she even managed to come out of it in one piece and without losing a part of herself. Had she, though? Because she seemed together and stable to me. But I only have so much insight into the life of this fascinating, beautiful girl. I only know as much as she has told me.

"Bella." I said her name softly, my hand finding its way to the small of her back and pulled her toward me again. I held her like that for a long, quiet minute, the only sound being our breathing.

I don't know who initiated it, but in some kind of silent agreement we started to lean towards each other, me down and Bella up, our mouths meeting in the softest, gentlest kiss I had ever experienced.

I immediately held Bella tighter against me increasing the pressure of my mouth against hers. My eyes squeezed shut. Her arms found their way around my neck and one of her hands buried itself in my hair, her fingers massaging my scalp. It felt like forever until we parted, both of us breathless. We just stared at each other as we panted lightly.

I couldn't fathom why, but my hand started drifting up her back and stopped just below her shoulder blades where I held her, my palm pressed to her soft, warm skin. She let her arms fall from around my neck, her hands sliding down my shoulders until they reached the top of my shirt where she started undoing the buttons one by one. I waited for my objection to come forth, but it never did.

I tried to slow my breathing as she pushed my shirt from my shoulders and down my arms. It fluttered silently to the floor behind me. With a slightly timid expression on her face Bella turned away from me and held her hair up, gazing at me over her shoulder. She dropped her eyes to her back and then looked back to me. I reached out and started to pull the zipper down on her dress. I did it slowly in case she asked me to stop, but she never did.

I pushed the shoulder straps down her arms first and then brushed the silky black material down her body until it puddled at her feet. I was left with the image of Bella Swan standing before me in her matching black lace bra and underwear. When she realized I didn't have anything to say, simply because I was struck speechless by her beauty, she started to cross her arms over her chest to hide herself.

"Don't." I said softly, reaching out and bringing her arms down. "Don't hide."

Bella didn't say anything. She just nodded and took a step toward me. "You might want to take your socks off before you forget." She whispered, her eyes meeting mine. I reached down silently and removed them before standing straight. Bella kept her eyes locked with mine as she reached out and started to unbuckle my belt. She got the front of it open and then popped open the button on my pants. I'll admit I wanted them off at this point. I'd been fighting with a significant erection all night and it wasn't going to die down any time soon.

I let out a quiet moan of relief as she pulled the zipper down and pushed my pants down. I stepped out of them and kicked them behind me. I caught Bella's eyes for a moment as we looked each other up and down. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, but I didn't know if she was blushing from being in her underwear with me, or from me moaning a moment before. It was so easy to make her blood pool beneath her cheeks and turn them rosy. I adored her blush, it was so lovely.

I took a step toward Bella closing the already limited space between us. My hands fell to her naked waist and I held her there contemplating my next move. I sucked in a breath and lifted her up. Bella instinctively let her legs wrap around my waist and I held her firmly so she didn't fall. I was shocked that she felt so light. She couldn't weigh more than 112 pounds. I was also shocked at how utterly bony she felt in my arms now. I could clearly feel her hips bones and ribs, and I was sure I could count them under her creamy skin if I really wanted to.

As I walked us toward my bedroom Bella let her arms drape naturally around my neck and we held each other's gaze. I kicked the door shut behind us toppling onto my bed the next moment. We both gasped as I landed on top of her, knocking the wind out of her. Bella actually groaned a little in discomfort at the feel of all of my weight on her at once. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and stared down at her. She stared back raking her fingers through my hair.

I let out a breath of relief and slipped one arm around her back to pull her up off the bed a couple inches and popped open the hooks on her bra. I slipped the garment off her shoulders and discarded it behind me. Nothing prepared me for the feel of her naked chest against mine. Bella tossed her head back moaning loudly, her body arching up against mine, and her arms once again finding their way around my neck. I mouthed the hollow of her throat for a minute and thought about maybe drifting a little lower, but I didn't want to possibly offend her. Bella may not actually like that.

If I didn't run for the hills after tonight I might have to explore that particular desire next time. We hadn't even actually had sex yet and I was hoping there would be a second time. What the fuck was going on with me tonight? What the hell was it about this girl, what made her so special that I suddenly wanted, or more so needed, to be with her, around her every second of the day now? I hadn't felt a pull this strong ever. And I mean ever. This was definitely an all time first for me. Never had I felt such a desire to simply want to just be with someone. Let alone a girl. Something was wrong with me. It was that or maybe something was just absolutely, finally, right.

I know everything about this moment felt absolutely right. Her lips on mine. My hands on her almost completely naked body. The feel of my skin flush with hers. It was simply heaven. It was peace and serenity and I wanted nothing but to just surrender all of myself to her, and I wanted her to surrender in return.

I. Wanted. Her.

I started pushing us along the bed backward toward the headboard and yanked the comforter and sheet out of the way to lay Bella down against fitted sheet. Her dark brown spread out below her in halo of perfect contrast to my white sheets. She looked like an angel. I stared down at her for a moment, supporting myself on my hands when the reality of the moment hit like a kick in the gut. I lost my breath and nearly collapsed on her.

"What's wrong?" Bella asked looking up at me. She held my shoulder in one hand and ran her fingers through my hair with the other. "Is it me?"

"Yes and no." I answered honestly.

"You're not ready to share this bed with another woman are you?" She asked, hitting the nail on the head.

"I don't know." I whispered, my eyes shut. "I'm so confused right now." I opened them and looked down at her. "I'm so scared, Bella."

"I am, too, Edward. It's been a long time since I've done this."

"Me, too."

"I always wondered why Mike cheated on me in the first place. I mean, I gave him my virginity, I loved him. I always thought it was something I did."

I fell to my side next to Bella and she rolled onto hers to face me. "Didn't you tell me once that you could count on one hand the number of times you had sex with him before you broke up?"

"Yeah, but I should up it to two hands."

"How long were you going out with him?"

Bella bit her lip in thought. "Two and a half years I think. We didn't start sleeping together for about six months though."

"Ten times or less in two years, that's… That's unforgiveable."

Bella rolled onto her back and looked away from me. "Yeah, and it was usually me to initiate it. I always thought I sucked or something, trying to come up with a reason why."

"Well, I can't exactly offer a valid opinion on that."

Bella rolled back over onto her side and reached out to run her hand down the side of my face in a delicate gesture. "No, I suppose you can't."

I reached up and held her hand there. Then I took a breath and pushed myself toward her rolling Bella onto her back and supporting myself on my arms above her once more. She looked up at me patiently, holding my arms.

"It's ok, Edward." She said quietly, one of her hands finding its way into my hair. She stroked and ruffled it for a minute. "I'm right here."

"You said it's been a long time for you. How long is a long time?"

"Over a year." Bella admitted, not embarrassed.

"So this is going to hurt." I said matter-of-factly.

"I don't care."

"I don't want to hurt you, Bella." I said cupping the side of her face.

"It's inevitable, Edward. I'm ok, I promise. If it gets too painful I'll let you know."

"Ok." I breathed. Bella reached down first, sliding her hands down my back and into my shorts. I gasped as she pushed them down my legs far enough so I could kick them off. I reached down next and slipped her underwear down her legs. Once off I pulled her left thigh up to my hip and inched a little closer to her.

"Do you have a condom?" She asked suddenly.

"No, sorry. I haven't exactly had a reason to keep them around."

"Ok, its fine. We'll be ok."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, positive."

Silence passed between us as I looked around unsure. I was nervous, and I knew it was obvious on my face. Bella reached up and pressed her hand to the side of my face. "It's ok." She whispered. "I'm ready."

I nodded and shut my eyes breathing normally for a moment before they turned into deep breaths, never letting go of Bella's leg where it was pressed to my side. She had one hand on my spine and one in my hair. She lay there not pushing me or nagging. She was quiet, waiting for me. Giving me the control. I respected that. I took a final deep breath and pushed forward.

If I thought her bare skin on mine was extreme, it was nothing compared to being inside her. I practically collapsed at the intensity of the sensation, my head falling to her shoulder where I whispered roughly in her ear, "God, it's like coming home."

Bella clutched at me now, her legs wrapping around my hips as she breathed harshly and whimpered in obvious discomfort. I prayed I wasn't hurting her. I wouldn't be able to live with that. I picked my head up and looked down at her. Her eyes were open, but I could see the pain in them. It made me wince.

"I'm ok." She said reassuringly. "I swear."

I believed her. She resumed her position of one hand in my hair and one on my back. I made the first move, pulling out a little bit and pushed back in. I moaned in satisfaction, my head falling once more. I felt Bella's soft lips against the side of my neck as I repeated the motion. This time she moved with me and we both gasped at how utterly good it felt.

We moved together, rocking back and forth for several minutes until our bodies synchronized and we found ourselves completely twisted together. I never wanted to move from this position holding Bella so close to me there was absolutely no space between us. I didn't know where I ended and she began. And I didn't care. All I cared about at this moment was the breathtaking beauty in my arms, moaning my name over and over in my ear when she wasn't kissing my neck.

I knew I wasn't going to last long considering I'd been sufficiently hard since the beginning of the night, and I was dying for release. It started low and moved to the base of my spine where it unfurled and burned, setting my skin and blood ablaze with desire. I started shoving against Bella harder, grunting her name every time she shoved back. She met me thrust for thrust, stroke for stroke, and kiss for kiss.

I devoured her mouth greedily as my orgasm built up even more. I was so close, and so was she. I could feel it in the way her body trembled every time I hit a particularly sensitive spot inside her. I wrapped an arm around her and clutched her too me burying my face where her neck met her shoulder and inhaled the sweet scent of her hair. She whispered my name one last time that I could remember before I finally exploded. I scared even myself when I moaned incredibly loud. It almost sounded like a roar.

Bella held onto me as I rocked her into the headboard and pushed her down into the mattress. She continued to meet me movement for movement as she came along with me. It was intense and overpowering, and I collapsed on top of her panting hard as the last of the most powerful orgasm I had ever had ebbed away. Bella breathed with me her chest rising and falling beneath me. She pressed my head to her collarbone and stroked my damp hair and back as she mouthed my forehead.

I picked my head up after a minute and stared at her, still catching my breath. "You're taking care of me?" I asked, pleasantly shocked, "after sex?"

"Yeah, is that ok?"

I nodded and laid my head back down on her chest. "Yes." I whispered. "It feels good."

"Good." Bella whispered. She continued to kiss my forehead, stroking the back of my hair and running her other hand up and down my spine. We lay like that for a very long time. I eventually wrapped both of my arms around her and held her as she held me.

When we both caught our breath finally I rolled off of her and pulled her to my side keeping one arm wrapped around her back so I could stroke her side. Bella laid her head on my shoulder and stroked my chest. "Edward," she said quietly, looking up at me.

"Yeah," I responded looking down to meet her gaze.

"I need to tell you something." She propped herself up on one arm and stared down at me for a long minute before she ran her fingers through my hair smoothing it back off of my forehead. She then leaned down and kissed me very gently, but passionately. She pulled back and just looked at me. "I love you." She whispered.

I stared at her. I didn't know what the expression on my face was saying because I was feeling too many things at once. Shock, confusion, happiness, peace… I couldn't make sense of it all. I couldn't make sense of anything. Bella continued to look at me waiting for a reply. She finally dropped her eyes and started to move like she was going to lie back down but she started to inch away from me.

"What are you doing?" I asked, tightening my arm around her. "Don't go. I don't want you to."

"Are you sure? You look like you're in shock."

"I'm sure, Bella. Come here." I held my other arm out to her. She cuddled back up against my side and I wrapped both of my arms around her now.

"I really do love you, Edward." She said quietly and sincerely. "I've been in love with you for a while now."

"How long?" I asked genuinely.

"Six months. I just never thought it was appropriate to tell you."

"Until now."

"I can't hold it inside anymore. I had to tell you."

"I'm glad you did." I looked down at her. "It's nice to hear again."

Bella propped herself up again staring at me incredulously. "I'm serious, Edward."

"So am I."

"I love you." Bella said fiercely. "I truly, honestly love you. I can't believe how many times I'm saying it within a minute. Edward," She gazed down at me longingly. "I love you."

"I believe you." I said back. "I just have no other response, I'm sorry."

"And that's ok. But I just had to tell you," Bella said quietly, running a hand down my face, "I love you so much."

I leaned up and kissed her deeply. It felt so good and so right. Everything we were doing now felt perfect, like it had all been tailor made for us. Surely there had to be a catch. There had to be some kind of test on the horizon.

Nothing ever felt this right without there being some kind of trial to follow. I parted from Bella and looked up at her. She smiled at me and continued to stroke my hair. "You're so beautiful." I whispered.

Bella smiled softly and leaned down placing a soft and gentle kiss on my lips. I kissed her back for the brief moment we were connected and then tipped my head back as she started to kiss down my neck. I shut my eyes and breathed normally, my hand falling back to its position on her side. Bella continued to kiss down my body, soft, innocent, chaste kisses, until she got to my heart. I looked down at her watching as she mouthed my chest knowing she could feel the erratic beating just beneath the skin.

She stopped, sighed, and laid her head over it now wrapping an arm across my torso and holding me. "I love you, Edward." She whispered against my skin.

I took a breath, feeling exhaustion start to hit finally. I looked down at her, watching as her eyes began to close. "I know." I whispered, and before I fell asleep I bowed my head and placed the softest kiss on top of hers.

**A/N: Review please!**


	8. Chocolate Chip Pancakes

**A/N: Chapter 8, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

For the second time I woke before Bella and for the second time she was cradled against me with her head on my chest. It was easily my new favorite way to wake up. Watching the gentle rise and fall of her chest, feeling the soft mounds of her breasts pressed against me was producing expected results on my body and I felt the hot rush of my blood as it headed south.

Who was I to deserve this angelic beauty? Who was I to deserve her love, kindness, patience, and trust? I reached over with the hand that wasn't wrapped around her and gently stroked her face. She sighed but didn't wake. I'd learned the first time not to touch her too roughly first thing in the morning, it would wake her.

"Bella," I whispered into her ear, "wake up."

"Hm…" She sighed and I felt her smile against my skin. "Do I have to?" she mumbled, eyes still closed.

"If you want me to make breakfast, yes."

Bella looked up at me with a quirked eyebrow. "You cook?"

Déjà vu, I thought to myself. "Yes, what would you like?"

"Pancakes." Bella said as she smiled and settled back against me, her hand reaching across my chest to hold me. "With chocolate chips." She added as an after thought, kissing my side. She looked up at me and smiled. I watched her as she started to kiss up to my neck and I tipped my head back to allow her better access.

"I think I can manage that, but only if you stop what you're currently doing." I gazed down at her with a smile.

Bella swept some of her silky brown hair behind her ear and smirked at me. "Ok, fine." She said, and rolled off of me onto her side.

"My turn," I whispered as I rolled over pinning Bella to her back and started assaulting her neck with a generous amount of open-mouthed kisses. I sucked and nibbled her tender skin relishing in the feel of her arms as they wrapped around me. Her legs parted involuntarily and I fit myself between them comfortably.

They kicked as Bella threw her head back against the pillow, her arm locking themselves around my neck and her hands burying themselves in my hair as I kissed, sucked, and gently bit the supple skin of her throat. She moaned continuously a mixture of noise and my name and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't turned on. I wrapped both of my arms around her and held her close crushing her chest to mine.

"Bella," I gasped her name as she arched up into me, the flat expanse of her belly stroking my ever growing hard on. "Oh God." I returned to passionately mouthing her neck and bucked against her as she continued to moan noisily in my ear.

"Just make love to me, Edward."

I needed no other encouragement than that.

~*~*~I~*~*~

After, we lay there for a long time staring into each other's eyes as we lightly ran our fingers down the angles, planes, and curves of each other's bodies. I was in love with the dip between Bella's ribs and the slight swell of her hips. I couldn't stop stroking it. Bella seemed to enjoy running her fingers along my cheekbones, and jaw, and forehead, and then running her whole hand back through my hair as she sighed. No matter how she touched me it all felt so good…

Some time later Bella's stomach began protesting. She blushed and buried her face in my pillow in embarrassment. I chuckled at her and reached out to tuck my finger under her chin and lifted her face to mine.

"Hungry?" I asked with a smile. Bella absolutely melted. "What?"

"I love that smile." She sighed staring into my eyes. "It dazzles me." I chuckled again, this time in embarrassment. "Yeah, I'm hungry." Bella said quietly.

I leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Go take a shower and I'll get breakfast started."

"Do you want to keep me company?"

I shook my head and tried to flash the same smile at her. "Your stomach is growling that's my bigger priority right now." I teased.

Bella mock pouted at me, but I could tell she wasn't offended. "Aww…" she snuggled a little closer to me and tucked her head under my chin. "I love you, Edward."

I stroked her back for a moment before responding. "I know, Bella, I know."

We eventually, and unwillingly, tore ourselves from my bed and Bella sauntered off into my bathroom while I dressed in clean shorts and a t-shirt. I picked up our clothes from the living room and left Bella's on my bed for her while throwing mine into a pile on the floor.

I started breakfast after that mixing up a batch of pancakes for two and added the chocolate chips that Bella had specially requested. I knew from now on I wasn't going to be able to deny her anything, no matter what it was. Along with the pancakes I decided to introduce Bella to a special treat that my mother would always Alice and I on our birthdays and at Christmas. Real bacon baked in the oven and brushed with real maple syrup halfway through cooking.

"Hey,"

I heard her voice behind me smooth and sensual, and turned around with a pancake in mid-flip. I finished the task and turned completely. Bella had dressed in her underwear from what I could tell but she had opted to wear my button down shirt from last night. It fell to her knees and looked unbelievably sexy on her.

"Hi," I responded, drinking in her beauty. "You look wonderful."

Bella blushed and her eyes fell downcast for a moment as she shifted from one bare foot to another, and then she looked back up at me with a small smile, her hands clasped behind her back. "Thank you. It smells really good in here, Edward."

"Sit, it's almost done. Would you like anything to drink?"

"Screwdriver." Bella said as she settled onto one of the stools at the counter that looked into the kitchen.

"That actually sounds really good." I said flipping the last pancake. I left them to cook for a couple minutes and went about mixing up two glasses of orange juice and vodka. I had a moment of pride as I handed Bella her glass and clinked mine against hers. She wasn't the only one here who could mix drinks.

"Mm… The good stuff." Bella said with a pleased smile as she set her glass down.

"The booze or the juice?" I asked looking at her over my shoulder.

"Both."

We shared a laugh and I flashed her another crooked smile. It only grew broader as I watched Bella melt yet again. We ate breakfast at the counter trading laughs, smiles, and stories. I learned that Bella's parents were divorced and that her mother had remarried a few ago and was blissfully happy with her husband.

"I wonder if that'll ever happen for me." Bella though out loud.

"Marriage?" I asked.

Bella drained the last of her screwdriver and looked at me nodding. "Yeah, I just never really considered myself marriage material. Well, not until I started dating Mike."

"That's all I really want in life." I admitted piercing the last bite of pancake on my plate. I looked at Bella and offered it to her. She smiled gently and leaned over close enough to me so I could feed it to her. I could tell she had something to say, perhaps a response to my statement.

"That's it, just get married?" She asked.

"Among other things."

"Like what?"

I sighed and folded my arms on the counter and looked at the last gulp of orange juice in my glass. I downed it and set the glass down. "Children."

"How many?"

"At least one. A daughter. Tanya never wanted to touch that subject. I could tell from her attitude about it that she didn't want children. So after a few months of an uncomfortable dance around the topic, I finally dropped it and gave up."

Bella watched me for a minute before she spoke again. "What about now?"

I looked over at her. "I still want everything I dream about." I said quietly. I just didn't admit that those dreams now included her.

**A/N: Review please!**


	9. Broken

**A/N: Chapter 9, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I can't believe everything that's happened in the past month. I felt like a completely new person. Bella had awoken something in me that I thought had been lost for good. We saw each other quite often now. If there was a night I wasn't going to be at the club I'd take her out to lunch if she wasn't busy, or I would show up outside the doors at three in the morning when she and Emmett left. I didn't mind making these small sacrifices if it meant I got to spend even one more moment with her.

I looked over at Bella where she sat next to me on her couch doing her nails. We were just hanging out this afternoon before she had to leave to go to the club. She had a complete spread going on her small coffee table. Nail kit, check. Polish remover, check. Black polish, check. I smiled at her and shook my head as she methodically went about turning her nails from normal to shiny black. I had to admit it looked good on her. She wore dark polish well, and she never let her nails grow obscenely long. I hated that on girls. It just didn't look right.

We were watching _The Nightmare Before Christmas_ right now, a movie I had found out was among Bella's favorites. Mine, too. The two main characters reminded me so much of Bella and myself that I found my attention drawn more to the movie right now trying to decipher it in a way I never had when I was younger. Every once and a while I looked over at Bella and watched her for a moment. She was truly fascinating to observe, God knows I love watching her sleep.

"What are you doing for the holidays?" I asked.

Bella stopped painting her nails for a moment and looked up at me. "Nothing why?"

"Want to meet my family?"

Bella put her bottle of polish down and sat back against her couch breathing noticeably for a minute before she turned to me. "Yeah, actually. That's sounds nice."

"You sure? I'm not trying to put any pressure on you or anything."

"I know," Bella sat back up and continued her task, "but what if I told you I wanted to meet the woman who did a hell of job raising you?"

"I'm telling my mom you said that." I laughed.

"Go ahead, it's the truth."

I turned my attention back to the TV for a couple minutes watching the movie before I heard Bella beside me to start to clean up. I looked over at her as she blew across her nails drying them. "Are you coming by tonight?" she asked as she got up taking her things with her.

"Maybe, I don't know. What's today?" I called over the couch.

"Thursday," Bella called back from her bedroom.

"Yeah, I might show up." I said settling back down.

"Good," Bella plopped down next to me and I wrapped an arm across her shoulders as she curled into my side laying her head on my chest. She felt so good. So strong and steady. I bowed my head and placed a kiss on top of hers. "Thank you," Bella whispered. She was about to fall asleep. I reached out picking up the remote and turned the volume down a little, and then adjusted Bella so her head was in my lap. She sighed and I caught the small smile she flashed at me without opening her eyes.

I stroked her hair as she fell asleep, listening as her breathing evened out and deepened. She needed a nap, she'd been pulling longer shifts than normal the past couple weeks. Actually, that didn't sound like bad idea. I picked up the remote again and turned off both the DVD player and the TV and settled back against the couch keeping one arm around Bella and one hand in her hair. I shut my eyes and let the pleasant sound of her voice in my head slowly put me to sleep.

~*~*~I~*~*~

I arrived at the club a lot earlier than I had planned to simply because Bella left her purse in my apartment. We had headed over there after leaving her place for the same reason that I was walking across the street right now. But one thing had led to another once we were behind a closed door and Bella left once more without her purse. So here I am, the shining white knight come to save the day.

The door was locked but I banged on it twice and Emmett opened it a minute later. "Hey, what are you doing here so early?"

I held up Bella's purse. "Is she here?"

"Yeah, just got here, she's actually looking for that in the back right now. Said she thought she brought it with her and must have put it down somewhere and forgotten. She's going ballistic."

"Well, she can calm down now." I said walking in past Emmett.

"You gonna just hang around till we open?" He asked as we walked toward the bar.

"Can I? I didn't know that's allowed."

"Yeah, I don't give a shit, I know you're not going to do anything stupid and get us in trouble. Not anymore at least."

I laughed, a little uneasily, and sat down at the bar. Bella walked out of the double doors in a huff, but it quickly melted away when she saw me, and even more so when she saw her bag sitting on the counter.

"Oh my God, thank you!" She shouted rushing over and throwing her arms around me in an innocent hug of gratitude.

"You left it behind, again."

I saw Emmett flash a look of confusion in our direction. "Left it behind?" He asked pulling out a drying towel and beginning his usual tasks of cleaning.

"Yeah, we got together for lunch this afternoon at his place." Bella half lied.

"Is this a frequent occurrence?" Emmett asked.

"Recently," I said. I traded a private mischievous grin with Bella. I felt just a touch irresponsible, but it was our private life and it should remain that way.

Bella went about unzipping her small black bag and started digging around in it. I knew why she had been going crazy a couple minutes ago. It was that time of the day for her, time to medicate. She hated being even a minute late for it. In her rush to find the little, round, plastic dispenser she knocked her purse off the counter and it hit the floor where all of the contents spilled out.

Emmett crouched down to help her pick everything up, but stood holding two things in his hand. I recognized her pale pink birth control pill case, but what caught my attention was the orange prescription bottle and the name of the medication printed on the label.

"Two questions, Bells," Emmett started. Bella stood up with her bag and shoved everything inside it and reached for the containers in Emmett's hand, but he yanked them back. "One, I thought you had no reason for these anymore," and he set her birth control down. Bella snatched it up and opened it to pop out today's pill. I noticed in the moment it took her to do so that in three days she would be starting her sugar pills.

"And two, why the fuck are you still taking these?" Emmett slammed the prescription bottle down and the top popped off. I grabbed it as it rolled toward me and handed it to Bella.

"Well, I'll answer your only question since the first was more of a statement. I still need them, Emmett." Bella shifted her gaze uncomfortably to me. I know I looked confused. "I'm sorry," She said to me.

"Valium?" I asked.

"I'll explain later, I promise."

"Bella, why are you taking birth control again?"

"Why the fuck do you think, Emmett?" Bella shouted. I watched as Emmett's gaze switched from Bella to me and back to Bella.

"Oh God, please don't tell me you two…"

"I'll leave." I said quietly, and started to get up, but Bella reached out and grabbed my hand and gave me a look that told me to sit and stay.

"Emmett, please don't do this." Bella begged, "Why can't you just accept it? Is there really something so wrong with us being together?"

"Yes," Emmett said simply.

"What?" I demanded. Now I understood Bella's frustration whenever she talked about this confrontation. Emmett was being completely judgmental, and that wasn't like him at all.

"Look, Emmett, if you can't come up with a valid reason, then we're not going to explain ourselves." Bella said after a minute of complete silence from Emmett.

"I suppose I just don't have one." Emmett said quietly. "I just didn't expect this to happen and it's caught me entirely off guard, I'm sorry."

Bella walked over to our mutual friend and hugged him. "Just cut the shit, ok? I've had enough fighting with you."

"Ok," Emmett agreed. I felt my eyebrows lift momentarily and I breathed loudly to get their attention. "What?" Emmett asked.

"Can I have her back now?"

Emmett smirked and returned Bella's hug before giving her a light shove in my direction.

~*~*~I~*~*~

I sipped my drink and continued to watch different couple gyrate against each other, but one caught my eye. They were in the middle of the crowd but they weren't dancing like everyone else around them, they were just holding each other. I watched them for a moment longer and then spun back around and faced the bar. Emmett walked past me then.

"Hey, did Bella take a break yet tonight?" I called over the usual noise.

"Bella take a break, you're funny, Edward." Emmett laughed at me.

"So I guess that's a no."

"That would be a no." Emmett confirmed looking up at me from where he was filling a draft glass.

"Well, could you tell her to take a break?"

"Of course I can, I tell her all the time, doesn't mean she will."

"How about you try telling her I'm requesting it."

Emmett glared at me for a moment and then sighed heavily. "Bella!" She turned for a moment from the customer she was serving and held her index finger in a 'just a minute' gesture. She finished with the group of young girls she was waiting on and then walked down to Emmett and me. "Lover boy wants you to take a break." Emmett said sarcastically and walked off.

"Lover boy?" Bella asked.

"I'm gonna beat the shit out of him for that." I mumbled watching Emmett. I then turned to Bella with a smile. "Come on,"

She breathed intentionally hard to indicate her feelings toward my request, but she walked to the side of the bar and slipped out of the small exit there. "You better have a good reason for this." She mock threatened.

"I hope you consider this a good reason." I said getting up and taking her hand as I led her to the dance floor.

"No, actually I don't, Edward Cullen. You know I can't dance!" she yelled at me over the music. "Especially like this." She gestured to the people around us.

"I never said anything about dancing like that. In fact I never said anything about dancing." I found a small opening amongst the packed bodies and pulled Bella against me placing one hand on the small of her back and the other between her shoulder blades. I heard her gasp in surprise, but her arms snaked their way around my neck and she pressed herself closer to me. We both looked up at the speakers above us as a new song started to play and the lights dimmed a little. I swayed us back and forth gently, not really moving, but making sure I was holding her the entire time my eyes never leaving hers.

As the song faded Bella leaned up toward me, one of her hands finding its way into my hair to pull me down toward her and our mouths met gently at first, but it soon turned fierce and I squeezed Bella against me. There was so much flooding my mind now, too many emotions all at once, but one was stronger than all the rest. It scared the crap out of me and I pulled back from Bella.

"You ok?" she asked, running her hand down my face.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

I can't believe it but I had I just lied to her. I was far from fine right now. I was fucking confused, but at the same time, I was fucking ecstatic. Looking into her eyes I knew what I wanted to say right now, but I just couldn't. Not yet. I didn't know how to word it, and frankly I didn't now if it was really real. Was I just feeling an effect of the atmosphere around us, or was this really…

"Don't force it, Edward." Bella whispered to me. I looked down at her in shock. How could she possibly know what was going through my mind right now? She looked up at me with those gorgeous chocolate eyes. What she said next would stick with me for the next two months as I continued to battle with this and figure out my feelings for her.

"Because then how will you know if it's true?"

~*~*~I~*~*~

As we walked back to her apartment later that night, Emmett beside us, I looked down to where I was holding Bella's hand and squeezed it gently. She looked up at me and we traded soft smiles then she laid her head against my shoulder.

"I remember you saying something about explaining the Valium." Emmett commented as we continued to walk.

Bella picked her head up and glared daggers at Emmett. She had a point. He did know how to spoil a good moment. "And I think you owe the explanation to both of us." Emmett continued.

My curiosity and concern got the better of me and I looked down at Bella. "Why were you taking it in the first place?"

"My break up." Bella said simply. "It's a long, long story…"

"Which you should tell him eventually." Emmett interrupted.

"And I will when we're alone." Bella shot back. She took a breath before continuing, "But after my break up with Mike I was fucking mess, as you know, Emmett dear."

"I'll never forget. He really messed with your head, Bells." Emmett said sincerely. "I was mortified at what she became. I never thought she'd be the same girl again."

"But let's get back to the point." Bella looked at me now, "I started working twelve and fourteen hour shifts at night, and then started having panic attacks and meltdowns…"

"And she collapsed one night, just fell right over."

I switched my gaze from Emmett to Bella staring at her in fear and shock. "It's ok," She said touching my arm. "Emmett went with me to the hospital and stayed there all night and the next day. He never left."

"Rose came by at one point. She completely understood. I was shocked by that, believe me. She just sat with me and we watched over Bella together until she finally woke up." Emmett explained.

"Rose and I have been closer since then," Bella continued, "but we're still not quite friends."

"Rose is hard to reach." Emmett said looking at Bella. "Don't take her shit personally."

"I don't. I know her heart is in the right place, Em. What she did means a lot to me."

"I told her that, too. Believe me, she was touched."

"Back to the point," Bella said, "After getting out of the hospital I was prescribed anti-anxiety meds. When the first scrip they gave didn't work because it wasn't strong enough they tried upping the dosage, and that still didn't work, so the doctor just gave me something stronger. And it's been working well. Every time I get tense or start to get tense I have to take one. I still have panic attacks from time to time."

"But they're not as bad as they used to be," I stated, "You're better now."

"Yeah," Bella said softly, and then she pressed herself closer to my side and gazed up at me. "Now I am."

**A/N: Review please!**


	10. Too Much on My Mind

**A/N: Chapter 10, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do now own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

"Edward, stop!" Bella jumped out of my arms and danced, or at least that's what it looked like to me, across my apartment and grabbed the handle of my vacuum cleaner and put a hand on her hip. "Just stop," She laughed at me. "I have so much cleaning to get done. Go, go on your jog with Emmett. Leave me alone." She picked her foot up to press down on the peddle to turn the machine but I leapt up from the stool I was sitting on at my kitchen counter and grabbed Bella around the waist before tackling her down onto the couch. I pinned her down and started tickling her.

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!"

I laughed above her as I continued my assault and watched her attempts to try and breathe as I ran my fingers up and down her sides and along her ribs where I knew she was the most ticklish. I let her go after getting kicked in the gut three times, though I hardly felt it, Bella really did fight like a girl.

"All right, all right." I said getting off her and pulled her off the couch. I let her catch her breath and prepared myself for the counter attack. She did nothing, just shook her head at me and walked back over to the vacuum. "You don't even live here and you're cleaning." I complained flopping down on my couch.

"Someone has to do it." Bella said turning the machine on and started to push it around.

"God you sound like my mother." I muttered.

"What?" Bella called over the noise of the vacuum.

"Nothing." I called back. I got up and stretched briefly. As I was finishing there was a knock on the door.

Emmett walked in and noticed Bella. "What the fuck is she doing?" He asked me gesturing to Bella. I raised my hands. "Whatever, you ready?"

"Yeah," I went over to Bella and tapped her shoulder. She turned and saw Emmett and waved and then turned the vacuum off and leaned up to kiss me goodbye. "I'll see you later." I said when we parted. Bella nodded and kissed me again, a little more passionately this time and I couldn't resist lingering. I'd been kissing her a lot lately, and not because I wanted to initiate sex. I was kissing her because I wanted to, because it felt good and I liked the way her lips felt melded against mine. I liked holding her close and stroking her hair while I caressed her tongue with my own.

I waved to Bella as Emmett and I walked out and she waved back. I felt my heart sink as soon as Em and I were outside. We jogged to the park and as soon as we reached it I grabbed my iPod out of my pocket and clipped it to my jacket before putting in the buds. I turned the little thing on and easily pulled in front of Emmett. I heard him yell in protest and a moment later he was beside me again. We jogged with silence between us for a long time. I just let one song play into the next as we made our way through the park.

It was a typical spring day. Warm enough to be outside the way Emmett and I were, but with a slight breeze. It was cooling and relaxing. I plucked my iPod off my pocket and clicked through a couple songs on the playlist to get to one I actually wanted to hear.

I slowed to a walk and stopped at a bench. Emmett stopped beside me panting lightly. I sat down on the bench and Emmett sat next to me.

"You want water?" he asked nodding towards a small concession cart close to us. I nodded and Emmett got up and walked off. I clicked through a couple more songs to find something relaxing. I stopped after maybe skipping through a dozen songs and let the one play. I knew at once Bella had put it on here when I let her fiddle around with my iPod. I guess I could give her taste in music a try. I leaned back against the bench and shut my eyes.

"You ok?" Emmett asked as he walked back over and handed me one of the two bottles he was holding.

"Yeah, fine." I said quietly, sipping the water.

"Hey, come on by tonight. Bella and I have a whole new routine that we've been working on since New Year's."

"Yeah, I'll think about it." I muttered, sipping my water some more.

"Come on, I never ask you to come by. Just indulge me, please."

"Fine." I said getting up. I drained what was left of my bottle and tossed it toward the trash. It bounced off the rim and fell in. "I'm ready if you are."

Emmett smirked at me and finished off his own water chucking the empty bottle in the trash and we took off around the park again. This time I paid no attention to the music playing and let my thoughts consume me. All I could think about was Bella. I craved her company and I was constantly counting the time in between when we saw each other. I hated to be away from her and only felt truly whole again when she was with me.

Of course I tried to justify these feelings as fierce and loyal friendship but if I was being honest with myself, and I know I know better, I would say I was in…

"Ed, slow down!" Emmett called out behind me. I looked back. I hadn't even realized how far ahead of him I had gotten. I stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"Sorry, not really focusing."

"Obviously." Emmett stopped and paused to catch his breath. I was a little breathless myself but not from the running. "You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah, fine." I said not meeting his gaze.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing."

"Then what's wrong, you're never like this, normally I have nag at you to keep up."

"Same shit different day, Emmett." I looked at him now, "what I tell you every time you ask what's wrong."

"Stop being a wiseass. What's up with you lately? You've been absentminded like this for months. Well, only since Christmas actually, so just one month." Emmett stopped talking to catch his breath. "Is it Bella? Did something happen between you two, I mean considering what I saw right before we left everything seemed like it was ok…"

"Yeah, everything's good." I said shuffling from one foot to the other. "I just… I don't know… There are things I want to say to her I just don't know if I can." I looked up at Emmett squinting a little in the bright sunlight.

"Well, it's obvious you two are crazy about each other, I still don't think you should be jumping into a relationship yet. Neither of you are ready yet."

"Emmett, how are we supposed to know we're ready unless we try?"

"Fair point." Silence passed between us as Emmett stopped to look out over the lake. He didn't turn to look at me but said, "Do you think you're in love?"

"I don't know… It feels like I am. I can't stop thinking about her and all I want is to be near her."

Emmett still didn't turn. "Have you talked to her about this?"

"No, I'm afraid to. I don't want to scare her or anything. She loves me, I know that."

Emmett turned resting back against the side of the stone we were standing on. "She more than loves you, Edward. She would die for you. If there was a way to save you from whatever, she would find it and gladly forfeit her own life to save yours."

"Is that a direct quote?" I asked.

"No, I can just tell from the way she looks at you, and the way she touches you. She's more than in love with you. I don't know if you see it, but when you look at her and I mean really look at her, her eyes go extremely deep and you can tell the only thing she sees is you. Nothing else exists to her. She's so deeply in love with you there'll never be a way for her to break free. She doesn't want anyone but you. "I'd rather die than stay away from him." That's a direct quote, Ed."

"Let me guess, in response to you dissuading her from me."

"Yeah, but that was months ago, and that's stuck with me since. When she said that, and the way she said it I knew I was never going to be able to sway her decision or her choice in you."

"Is that all true?" I asked, unable to believe that anyone but my own parents could love me like that.

"Yeah, that's all true. I can't believe you've never seen it. I wonder how she feels about that."

"She tells me everyday that she loves me, and if she doesn't tell me during the day she makes sure she tells me at night before we go to sleep." I said staring past Emmett's shoulder. "You think she feels rejected because I haven't returned her affections?"

"I don't know I'm not a chick. I don't want to understand how their minds work, they scare me sometimes." Emmett laughed lightly. I knew he was referring to Rosalie and the fact that she could never make up her mind, even over the simplest, most trivial things.

"I'm gonna head back." I said after another couple minutes of thick silence passed between us.

"Yeah, that sounds like a good idea. Maybe Bella will be in a good enough mood to make lunch, I'm starving."

I chuckled. When we got back I knew the first I was going to want wasn't lunch. And Emmett may not want to stick around at that point.

**A/N: Review please!**


	11. Loving Me

**A/N: Chapter 11, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**EPOV**

I'd had no intentions of actually showing up at the club tonight. I'd wanted to stay home, maybe talk Bella into staying with me. I wanted it to just be her and me tonight, I needed to talk to her, explain the things I was feelings. Maybe she could help me through them. When Emmett and I returned from our run together Bella was just finishing cleaning and she took one look at me as I walked right past her into my bedroom and shut the door. She was beside me in a moment asking me what was wrong.

I didn't want to go into it just then, I wanted a shower and some time to organize my thoughts, and I didn't want Emmett there. I told Bella as much, and she just wrapped her arms around my waist, kissed my back and told me she would be out in the kitchen. I secluded myself to the bathroom after that and lingered a long time under the hot water letting my mind and body relax.

I got out eventually and changed into something comfortable, technically whatever I had lying around my room. Bella and Emmett were out in the kitchen when I rejoined their company. They were talking in hushed voices my name coming up here and there. As soon as I appeared Bella looked up and Emmett stopped talking. She smiled at me and looked to the empty seat where she had placed a plate and a glass for me.

Emmett was already working his way through a chicken salad sandwich and what was left of my one bag of chips. I sat down next to Emmett and Bella brought over lunch for me and herself. I started to eat but Bella was hesitating, waiting for something.

"All right, I'm heading out. Thanks for lunch, Bells." Emmett said getting up.

"You're welcome." Bella said smiling at him as he walked past us toward the door.

"I'll see you guys around."

I looked over my shoulder as Emmett headed out shutting the apartment door firmly behind him. "What was up with that?" I asked turning back to Bella. She was eating now.

"I'm not going in tonight. I'm staying here with you. He said you were acting a little off during your run together, like you need to talk about something, but not to him. So, I want to stay here with you tonight."

"Ok," I said quietly.

"Is there something you need to talk about?" She asked taking a small spoonful of the soup she'd made herself.

"Yeah, actually there is. I've just been having a lot of thoughts lately." I didn't look at Bella when I said this, avoiding her gaze as I sipped my iced tea.

"What about?"

I didn't answer her. I still didn't have my thoughts in order and I didn't want Bella to think I was avoiding her either. I turned and looked at her with an easy smile and leaned in, kissing her gently. "Later?" I asked quietly.

"Whenever you're ready." Bella responded softly. "No pressure."

"Thank you,"

~*~*~I~*~*~

We'd been lying in bed for a little while when I felt Bella pull herself a little closer to me and wrap an arm across my torso. She snuggled her head into my shoulder and sighed. I looked down at her and she gazed back up at me. I thought back to the afternoon. After lunch Bella had run back to her apartment to take care of a few things and I decided to rest for a while. I was still asleep on the couch when she got back and was woken by the smells permeating from the kitchen. Bella had made one of my favorites for dinner, chicken cacciatore.

After dinner we cuddled on my couch for a couple hours making out until Bella couldn't keep her eyes open any longer. I still had yet to breach the subject of my "off" attitude. Honestly, I hadn't been thinking about it, and I was sure Bella wanted to know what was going through my mind. Feeling confident that she could wait till morning, I knew she would assume I needed to sleep on it and I was fine with that, I pulled her off the couch and carried her into my bedroom kicking the door shut behind us.

But Bella was awake still two hours later, looking up at me from her current position on my chest. "How tired are you?" She asked quietly.

"Not very, why? Did you have something in mind?"

"I want to make love to you." I reached over and drew Bella on top of me. "No, Edward." She whispered placing two fingers on my lips as I leaned up to kiss her. "To you, not with you. I want to show you how much I love you."

"I know how much you love me." I whispered staring into her chocolate eyes.

"I know you do, too. But…" Bella bit her bottom lip for a moment, "I want to try and give you something back that you lost. That was taken from you."

"What is it?" I asked, genuinely curious. I knew she was referring to something to do with Tanya, but I had no idea what.

Her voice was soft and gentle as she said, "Just a feeling, Edward. I can't explain or describe it, it's just a feeling."

"You know, it's not really yours to give back."

"Well, then I just want you to feel it again." Bella dipped her head and kissed my chest then slid up my body and whispered in my ear, "I want to at least try. Trust me, you'll know." She pulled back and gazed down at me for a moment gently running her hand through my hair. "I want to make love to you, Edward." She brushed her lips lightly across mine. "But you have to just lay there and not move, just let me love you."

I traced my fingers along her face silently, thinking over her proposition. I think I could handle her making love to me, I didn't know about the staying still part, though.

"I've hesitated in asking you because I didn't know if you would be emotionally ready."

I sighed loudly and looked up at her. My finger paused on her soft lips and she kissed it closing her eyes for a moment. "Make love to me, Bella."

She opened her eyes and gazed down at me again. She settled herself fully on top of me comfortably and pressed her mouth to mine her hand slowly skimming down my body until it passed my waist and slipped into my shorts. Her fingers grasped firmly curling around my already engorged cock.

"Bella," I gasped her name and my hips reflexively thrust upward. Bella put a hand to my chest to push me down.

"Don't move." She whispered firmly.

"Can I at least hold you?" I asked, my voice a little strained.

Bella bit her bottom lip in thought. "I'll think about it. Now just lie still. Don't make me tie you down." She laughed and leaned over holding my gaze as her hand pumped my growing length inside my shorts. God it felt good.

I shut my eyes and let my head relax back against the pillow. I felt Bella kiss my lips and I kissed her back. She then moved her mouth to my jaw and trailed it down my neck. She stopped at my pulse and nibbled the skin there sucking my pulse point.

She continued trailing her hot mouth down my neck to my shoulder, collarbone and finally my chest. As she showered my skin with feather light kisses she continued to stroke my cock, but not hard. I very nearly bucked at her when she ran the pad of her thumb across the head, but I grabbed the sheets around me in my fists and groaned. I felt her smile against my skin and looked down to see that she had kissed all the way down to my abs. Good God was she going to keep going? Bella let me go then pulling her hand from my shorts only to push them down and off my legs.

"Do. Not. Move." She commanded looking up at me from her current position. Her tone was firm but gentle. She bowed her head and continued kissing down my stomach. I felt my body tremble lightly in anticipation and had to fight not to thrust at her again. "Calm down," Bella said quietly.

"That's impossible at this point." I responded, my voice growing tight.

"Just relax. I'm not going to torment you."

"Feels that way." I teased, offering her a small smile.

Bella shook her head at me and returned the smile. "Lay back, close your eyes. Just feel." She said quietly. I did as she told me and the next thing I felt was Bella's soft lips on the inside of my left thigh. I sucked in a sharp breath as her hand came up to caress my balls for a moment. She stroked my erection as well, her mouth moving up and then over to the inside of my right thigh.

"Bella," I breathed her name hoping she heard the plea in it. I remained relaxed as best as I could, my eyes shut.

Her lips continued to trail up the inside of my thigh and then I felt them on my abs again just above my groin. She kissed me languidly, her hand not letting go of my cock. I felt her bring it slowly toward her and then nearly howled as she pulled the head into her mouth. I groaned her name loudly as she worked her tongue around the swollen head, pulling several more inches of me into her mouth. I felt her hand on my stomach, obviously there to restrain me, but she was stroking the skin in an attempt to keep me relaxed. Her other hand was at the base of my cock working the skin up and down as she pulled me in and out of her mouth. She wasn't rough and she wasn't fast, but she was insanely good. Suddenly I felt silk running through my fingers. I'd buried my hand in her hair. She wasn't stopping me so I just held her, letting the soft brown curls thread around my hand.

I could lie here all night and let Bella do this it was so amazing. I moaned loudly when she ran her tongue along the underside from base to head, and then she drew just the head into her mouth and sucked it.

"Bella!" God I wanted her to keep going until I came. But if I knew Bella, she had a lot more in mind than just sucking my cock. "Bell-Bella-stop." I panted. Bella pulled back hopefully understanding why I asked. I felt her kiss the head of my painfully hard cock and pet it before getting up on her knees and pulling her underwear off. I caught a whiff of her arousal and felt my cock twitch. She leaned over me then straddling my hips and took my face in her hands.

"You ok so far?"

"Yeah," I choked out, "keep going."

"Ok," she ruffled my hair and kissed my forehead as I panted below her. "Remember," she said looking at me, "don't move." I nodded and Bella sat back on her knees and pulled her tank top off. She then began sliding my hard length inside her intentionally slow. I gasped, panted, and felt her pushing me up against the pillows more as she buried my cock in her body. She didn't stop until I was past the hilt and looked down at me again.

She started moving, gently at first, and I brought my hands up to hold her waist. I did my best not to move but Bella still pushed my hands off her. "Just lay there for now, ok. Just feel." She placed her hands on my chest. "Feel my hands on your body. Feel every move I make." She ran her hands up and down my torso and sides, and then cupped my face and ran them down my body from there. She leaned over me and whispered in my ear, "Close your eyes, my love." She then pulled back and watched as I did what she asked and suddenly I felt her lips on my eyelids. I gasped audibly.

Bella began trailing the lightest, softest line of kisses down my face starting at my forehead. I breathed her name and was abruptly silenced by her kissing me. She parted from me as I sighed, her lips continuing down my neck, my shoulder, my clavicle, collarbone… All the way down to my heart where she pressed her mouth firmly to the skin. I couldn't take it anymore. I wrapped my arms around her and held her to me as I moved against her now. Bella didn't stop me this time, she moved back harder in response. I was overcome by the want to roll us over so I could then pull us up off the bed and hold her, but I remained lying there. Everything she was doing felt so right. Like something had been wrong for too long inside me and Bella was drawing it out like poison leaving behind a warmth and comfort that I couldn't describe.

Everything about her was beautiful and mysterious right now. I didn't want to let her go and have this stop. She was pushing me toward the deepest, most pleasurable release I had ever had. I could feel it building at the base of my spine and starting to unfurl its heat. I began moaning Bella's name in her ear as she rocked me harder still, riding me with abandon. My body was starting to tremble with the anticipation and want of release.

I let Bella take complete control, I let go of her and she sat back up taking my hands. She placed them back on her waist and took hold of my shoulders. God, I was right there, just a little more. I think Bella sensed how close I was and rocked against me one last time. That did it. I came hard howling and growling into the dark. My thoughts completely dropped off and I all felt was…

As soon as I came to my senses again and could start trying to catch my breath I felt Bella lean over me and kiss my forehead as she pulled me up and held me against her rolling us over so she lay on her back cradling me to her. She held me like she had after our first time together. As we lay there I was suddenly overcome by the emotion flooding my veins and I felt moisture in my eyes. I didn't want to seem like a weakling, but I couldn't help it.

Bella didn't say anything as she kissed away the two silent tears that fell down my face, and just held me that much tighter, stroking my hair. "You ok?" She asked softly.

"I'm great." I whispered back, meaning it. Actually, great was a severe understatement. I didn't know what I was in that moment, but it was so far beyond just 'great'.

"What are you feeling right now?"

"A lot," It was an honest answer. There was no way that I could describe or explain what I was feeling. I just knew it was good. I looked at Bella, the soft expression of pure love in her eyes caught me off guard. I was overwhelmed by it and couldn't help it when I leaned in and kissed her deeply.

She threaded a hand in my hair holding me to her and kissed me back with the same emotion and adoration. She clutched at me like she was afraid that I was going to leave. There was no way I was leaving her now, not that I ever wanted to in the first place.

"Bella," I said quietly as I pulled back from her. I gazed down at her as she smiled at me, ruffling my sex-mussed hair. It felt so good and relaxing and comforting. I shut my eyes for a moment and sighed contently. "Bella, I need to tell you something." I continued. She pulled her hand back and they both fell to hold my waist. I couldn't say what I had to in this position. I rolled us so we were lying on our sides facing each other. I traced my finger along the angles of her face as she reached over and wrapped an arm around my side to stroke my back.

"What is it, Edward?" she asked quietly.

I breathed normally letting the air fill my lungs and allowing the old air to flow out. I continued to run my finger along her face, my entire hand eventually moving to her back and I pulled her a little closer to me. I took another breath and leaned in kissing her softly, barely brushing my lips against hers. I pulled back and looked straight into her eyes, my declaration coming out as a soft whisper.

"I love you."

**A/N: Review please!**


	12. Where Do We Go From Here?

**A/N: Chapter 12, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**BPOV**

Hearing those three words slip from his mouth sent my mind spinning and my heart racing at an accelerated rate. I felt myself stop breathing. All I could do was stare into his green eyes repeating his words over and over in my mind. They were heaven to finally hear, and to finally know that he felt the same. That he knew as well as I did that this was right. I continued to just stare at him, words failing me when I tried to respond. Edward reached out and brushed his thumb across my cheek. I felt something cool and moist being wiped away. I didn't even realize I'd been crying.

"I love you, Isabella Swan." Edward whispered staring straight into my eyes, "with everything that I am and everything that I have, I love you."

I let Edward pull me toward him and press his mouth to mine in a gentle, passionate kiss, feeling his arms wrap completely around me encircling me in his warm embrace. Gone was the brooding young man I had once known. Gone was the darkness and cynical view of life from his mind. Gone was all doubt and fear in his voice. And his eyes… They spoke true volumes of what he was feeling.

I pulled back from Edward and just looked at him. His lower lip was still trembling from when he had been crying a minute before, and it looked as if he could cry again. If I was being honest with myself, I wanted him to. I didn't want him to be afraid of sharing emotion, or be afraid of showing it.

I wanted him to learn that he could be himself around me, and trust me not to be judgmental, because God knows I won't be. Edward's trust means far too much to me for me to jeopardize it. And his love even more so.

As he pulled me closer and rolled me onto my back I knew in an instant, from the way he was holding me and gazing into my eyes that everything between us no matter where this relationship would lead us was going to be ok. Nothing could drive us apart.

Not ever.

~*~*~I~*~*~

"I believe you still owe me an explanation." Edward said as he reached along the counter with the coffee pot and refilled my cup. We both sat there munching the scones he'd made for us.

I looked up as he set the pot back down on a padded trivet. "Thanks," I muttered, my voice still a little thick with sleep. "What do I owe you an explanation about?"

Edward reached over into my purse where it sat on the far corner of his breakfast counter and pulled out a very familiar looking orange bottle. "Oh right," I said in acknowledgement. "Well," I took a breath and sipped my black coffee. "I don't really have a need for them anymore, but I still do get a panic attack here and there." I explained slowly.

"But this is heavy duty stuff." Edward said placing the prescription bottle back in my bag.

"I know, but it works."

He looked at me quizzically. "Why do you still get panic attacks? I mean, I can understand initially, but now?" He picked apart the scone in his hand popping little bits of it into his mouth and chewing slow.

"I still get them because I worry." I said quietly.

"About what?"

"You," I said looking at him. "Edward, the last few months have been pure heaven for me. But they've also been a bit stressful."

His expression changed from confused to concern and he reached over taking my hand in his. "How come?" he asked gently and I could hear the love in his voice.

"Because at first when I told you I love you, I wasn't expecting you to say it back… But then a couple months went by and all of a sudden your actions changed. You became lighter, more open with me, and soon I was waiting for you to say it, and you never did. It stressed me out a little. Ok it stressed me out a lot. I just kept thinking about what Emmett said about how he could see this relationship ending one of two ways.

"One where you and I end up happy together, and two, where eventually after all is said and done between us we go our separate ways. And I'll be the one still standing there, still in love, and all alone. I just kept thinking that's what was going to happen and, I'm so sorry about that, but…" I looked down ashamed of myself and felt Edward tuck his hand under my chin and raise my face to his.

"You have nothing to worry about, my love." He whispered, sincerity coating every word. "I love you, Bella, and I don't want to be with anyone else but you." Edward leaned in then and brushed his lips lightly across mine. It was a perfect moment.

Edward slipped an arm around my waist pulling me closer to him and deepened our kiss. I leaned into him willingly, wrapping one hand around his neck and burying the other in his hair. He kissed me hard and passionately for the longest, most intense moment, never letting his hold on me go. He kept me securely braced against his warm body. I felt secure all over, I felt safe. I knew this man would never hurt me, not like others had in the past.

I could trust him, and to finally feel secure in that thought was almost as liberating as knowing Edward loved me.

Almost…

~*~*~I~*~*~

**EPOV**

Her reaction couldn't have been more predictable. Of course she cried. I was expecting that. I would've thought I'd done something wrong if she hadn't. After I kissed her we lay there for maybe an hour talking, just whispers between lovers meant to be heard only by the two saying them. Sweet, simple pillow talk.

Eventually Bella began to yawn so I pulled her against me burying her head in my shoulder and let her snuggle against my chest. She fell asleep almost immediately. In part due to her obvious exhaustion when she started yawning, and in part due to the melody that I hummed to her.

I'd neglected to mention in the past months that among my talents of irritation, unluckiness, and this just wonderfully angsty attitude I'd had, I was also a musician. I'd been playing the piano since I could sit upright on the bench next to my mother.

I had learned to play mostly from her, but of course she made me take proper lessons when I was old enough. I'd stopped taking them my freshman year of high school. There was nothing else my instructor could teach me at that point. It was all up to me after that when it came to learning the more finite techniques of stroking ivory keys.

There was long, unbroken line of first place trophies on a shelf in my room at home that epitomized my devotion and seriousness with which I took my playing. It was only release in life, my only outlet. Until now, at least.

Bella. I looked down the counter at her watching in silence as she ate. My eyes drifted over to her purse and I saw the familiar white top of an orange bottle sticking out from under her black wallet. I grabbed the pot of coffee off of its coaster and reached over to fill her cup.

"You still owe me an explanation." I said, trying to broach the subject politely, the coffee being my guise.

I set the pot back down and looked over at Bella. I was met with a bemused expression on her part and she shrugged. I grabbed the pill bottle from her purse and set it down on the counter. She nodded in acknowledgement and shot off into a quick explanation.

When she admitted that she was still the medication because she was having panic attacks about me, and the fact that I had been quite closed-mouthed over the last few months in terms of my true feelings for her, I'll admit I was shocked. I had never wanted her to worry in any way, and there I was, making her anxious. The one thing she didn't need to be anymore, and I was making her go through it.

I can really be an ass sometimes. My initial assessment some months ago when we first "met", had been correct. I couldn't do anything right. I was still unsure about this whole "relationship" between us. I love Bella, yes, and I know I know that now. I swear I believe it, but where the hell exactly is this relationship really going?

Where are we going from here?

We've declared ourselves. We've both admitted how we truly feel. Now what do we do? I know what I did the last time, and look how that turned out. Fuck, I did it again.

_Stop thinking about the past, Edward, stop thinking about the past. You will not fuck up again. You _will not_ fuck up again. _

I took a breath and looked over at Bella. "You have nothing to worry about, my love." I whispered to her. "I love you, Bella, and I don't want to be with anyone else but you." I leaned in then taking her face in my hands and brushed my lips lightly across hers. The gesture left the poor girl swooning from what I could tell. She was leaning dangerously off to one side of the stool, and it looked like she had stopped breathing.

"I think I'll take a shower now," Bella said quietly, trying to get down from the stool safely. She started walking off to my bedroom but stopped and looked over her shoulder at me, pure seduction written clearly on her exquisite features. "Want to join me?" She asked in a low, soft voice.

I got off my stool and walked over to her looping my arms around her waist from behind and laid my head on her shoulder. "Only if you feel the need for my company." I whispered in her ear.

"Always," Bella whispered in return.

"Forever," I whispered back. And I knew it was somehow going to be true.

**A/N: Review please!**


	13. Losing Control

**A/N: Chapter 13, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

Tonight was just not fair. The crowds were not fair, the time was not fair. It dragged too much. What she was wearing and how she smelled was absolutely the most un-fucking-fair thing in the whole goddamn world! How she did her hair and makeup tonight was also unfair and not helping one fucking bit. Life was, obviously, just not fair tonight.

Tonight Bella had dressed for work in terms of how warm it was getting outside. It was March now, two months into our "official" relationship. I say "official" because it was only official to me, her, and Emmett. But with Emmett knowing, of course Rose knew, and Rose also knew to keep her little, (well, big if you're considering she's a gossip mill), mouth shut to her younger brother. Alice didn't know, my parents didn't know, and Bella's parents most certainly did not know.

Bella and I had sat down again the morning after I told her I love her, after our shower of course, and talked more about where exactly we were going with this relationship. We're both in love so obviously we want to be together. I know I don't want anyone else, and Bella has made it blatantly clear that she'd rather die than be away from me. After several hours of deliberation, and quite a few more rounds of passionate love making, we came to the conclusion that this relationship is still very young and just starting out, and that right now we were going to take it easy and just enjoy being with each other. Neither one of us could see an end to this any time soon. So maybe, and I did not voice this particular thought to Bella, maybe in a couple months I'll make a return trip to that little jewelry store… The last time I was in there at Christmas I noticed a rather lovely diamond ring.

But back to what Bella is wearing and driving me up a fucking wall with. First off, she should know better than to wear a little, pleated schoolgirl skirt around me, especially one that showed off as much leg as this one did. The girl was obviously a glutton for punishment, because God knows I am a horny little bastard.

To go with her mouthwatering skirt, Bella chose a tank top that left little to the imagination underneath it. It clung to her slight womanly curves just right, and was just tight enough across the chest accentuating her natural beauty there but not over emphasizing it and like I said it left little to the imagination.

She flitted around in her little outfit, her hair down and naturally curled in its soft, thin wave of chocolate silk. Her makeup dark and seductive. Her eyes were the smokiest I've ever seen them, her lips pink and tempting.

_All right, stop it Edward,_ I chastised myself. I had to or I was going to jump over the bar and pin Bella to the nearest wall. And I knew they didn't tolerate molesting the bar help here. I would get thrown out for sure, no matter who I knew.

I'd shown up a couple hours late tonight intentionally. I didn't want to sit around all night waiting for Bella to take a break just so we could have our usual twenty minute make out session in some random booth, and then I would go back to sitting at the bar horny as hell and with no outlet. It's a guy thing, sorry for the bluntness, but I can't help it.

It was close to one AM now, two more hours and they would be done for the night. It was also time that Bella finally step away for twenty minutes. She'd been going, going, going nonstop since eight this evening. She deserved to sit for a while and let me – cough – take care of her. Why all of a sudden were my fucking hormones out of control?

I continued to sit there in silence watching Emmett and Bella rush around behind the shiny, cobalt blue bar like chickens with their heads cut off. It was entertaining to watch, don't get me wrong. It was spring break this week and add to the fact that it was also Friday night, this place was out of control right now.

I glanced down the bar to see Bella pouring a couple drinks for a group of guys who if I was any closer to I would throttle the shit out of for the way they were ogling my girlfriend. I watched as one of them leaned forward toward Bella as she pushed the glasses toward them and say something to her. Bella scoffed at him and turned but he reached out and grabbed her wrist, his fingers easily closing around it almost twice.

I was out of my seat in a second, my own drink forgotten and raced down to the other end of the bar. "Get your hands off of her!" I hissed to the guy, my fists clenching together tightly. Bella looked to me and shook her head. "Don't" her eyes pleaded with me.

"Who's this asshole?" he asked looking to Bella, his hand dropping from her wrist.

Bella's eyes flicked up to me again. "My boyfriend, James, if you don't mind." Bella said addressing this guy by his name. Must be a regular.

"When did you get a boyfriend? I thought you were waiting for me?" He snickered at Bella and glared at me.

"Well, considering you were still dating that redhead, what was her name? Oh right, Victoria, the model… Well, I don't like to fuck with other people's relationships, ok? Take it easy from now on or next time I will let him beat you." Bella threatened, looking to me, and then turned away and left. Defense technique, I was sure. I understood. I watched her walk off toward Emmett and take him aside for a moment.

James got up and walked off with the group he was with not chancing a second glance to me. I was definitely going to have to be here every night now if this was the shit Bella had to deal with. I don't want to seem like an overprotective jerk, but no one has the right to be treated like that, and damn it all to the deepest pits of Hell if I was going to let Bella deal with jackasses like that on her own. Even with Emmett here with her.

"You ok?" I heard behind me. I spun and saw Bella standing there, her brown eyes soft and her expression apologetic.

"I should be asking you that." I said reaching down and taking her hand.

Bella waved her other hand in the air in a nonchalant manner. "He's a regular, him and his friends. They hit on me all the time and I tell them every time to cut the shit or the next person to help them will be Emmett."

"Yeah, help them right out the fucking door."

"Exactly," Bella smirked. "Now answer my question."

"I'm fine," I lied. I really wasn't. I was still a tense from nearly knocking the shit out of James, that and I was still horny as all Hell.

"Your expression all night has been strained, tight. What's wrong?" Bella asked, and she reached up to stroke my face.

"Just thinking," I said, closing my eyes and reveling in her touch.

"About what?" She asked.

"You," I answered simply. "You look so beautiful tonight." Beautiful wasn't the word I would truly use to describe Bella tonight, but I don't want her to think I'm shallow.

Bella smiled softly, and then to my utter shock she reached down and discreetly stroked the front of my pants. I pretty much fell forward. "Jesus," I hissed in her ear.

"Just thinking, huh?" she teased, I could hear the smirk in her voice.

"It's your fucking outfit, Swan. If I were a lesser man right now I'd already be in a straight jacket after the few hours I've been watching you. It's driving me crazy."

"So you like it, I gather?"

I looked Bella in the eye for a moment before glancing her up and down sarcastically. "It's ok," I grinned. Bella just shook her head at me and chuckled to herself.

"Come on," She laced her fingers with mine and started pulling me through the crowd.

"I assume you're on a break right now." I said to her, raising my voice enough for her to hear. Bella didn't answer, but she nodded to show that she had heard me. We stopped at the bathrooms.

"One second," she said and disappeared inside the men's room, to my great shock. She reappeared a moment later and grabbed my hand dragging me inside. I guess it was empty.

As soon as we were behind the closed door, she slid the deadbolt to lock it. It was much quieter in here, but strategically placed speakers in the ceiling allowed for the music to drift at a much more tolerable decibel.

"What exactly are we doing?" I asked, although I had a pretty good idea. People didn't drag their lovers into bathrooms and lock the door just to talk.

Bella backed me up against the cool tile wall with a soft thud. It felt good. I let out a heavy sigh as my back made contact and I gazed down at her. "Someone is having a pesky little problem tonight with me… Thought I would be kind and try to soothe that for him." She winked at me and then proceeded to stand on her tiptoes and kiss me.

I devoured her mouth greedily, holding her face in my hands and delved my tongue in to twine with hers. Bella responded just as enthusiastically, her hands already working at getting my belt undone. I heard it hit the tile floor with a metallic thud. Her hands then went to my shirt and started to undo the buttons. I let mine travel to her waist where one hand stayed and the other drifted lower to catch her behind her right thigh and lift it to my hip.

I drew Bella closer to me crushing my center to hers. She moaned noisily and I felt my ego swell. She finished unbuttoning my shirt, but didn't strip it off. Instead she opened it and began trailing kisses down the skin of my chest. I let my head fall back against the tile as her tongue swiped my neck and she gently bit into my shoulder.

I could feel the hand on the underside of her thigh drifting higher. Bella didn't seem to notice. She was too busy trying to get the fly down on my jeans. With a little more effort than usual she managed to lower the zipper over my already protruding erection and yanked my jeans down to my knees.

My hand drifted just a little higher up her thigh and hooked into her underwear. I started dragging it down her right leg first, letting that leg down as I pulled them lower. The left side fell down easily and soon the little scrap of fabric was stuffed into my pocket.

Bella threw herself at me then looping her arms around my neck and attacking my mouth with fervor. We fell to the floor together and Bella positioned herself so that she was straddling my hips. She parted from me for a moment so she could drag my shorts down low enough. I groaned with the satisfaction of being free finally from the constricting confines of my clothing.

I grasped Bella's waist firmly and lifted her up just high enough only to bring her back down a half second later and impale her completely. We both moaned throatily this time as I slid home. She felt so fucking good tonight. I kept a tight hold on her waist and she held my shoulder in one hand, the other wrapped around my neck.

We worked up a frenzied pace that had no distinct rhythm to it. I thrust upward from my seated position against the wall and Bella thrust forward, riding me with abandon. Our intermingled moans of delight filled the bathroom. I wasn't concerned at all with being loud. Someone would have to have his or her ear pressed to the door in order to actually hear us out there.

The look Bella was giving me as she continued to work her tempting little body up and down my shaft was one of pure, unadulterated lust. The girl was just as pent up as I was. Just as fucking horny. Oh, this was too good. I knew something had been up earlier when she looked up at me from under those gorgeous lashes as she poured my first drink. That and the wink she gave me sent all the blood in my body south and it hasn't dispersed back to its proper places since.

I'd been sitting at the bar for two hours with the most ridiculous hard on I had ever had, barely able to contain myself, and there she knew the entire time what she was doing to me. Oh, I was going to make her pay later on when we got back to my apartment. I was going to have her whining and whimpering, and writhing on my bed begging…

I snapped back when I felt Bella push hard against me. Oh that was good, that helped. I was so close now. I had been close all night, but typically as soon as I started sex I could manage to hold out just long enough to make the sex last, and then let myself explode. Bella was moaning indecently in my ear now, her head buried in my shoulder. I could feel her too, she was close as well.

She shoved against me as hard as her frame would allow, panting, her voice still as smooth as silk as she breathed harshly on my skin. She wanted it. I pulled her head back from my shoulder and kissed her deeply. The action caused her to buck, and the resounding guttural moan that filled the bathroom drowned out the music filtering through the speakers.

I shouted her name as I came hard, clutching at her as her body rocked against mine, the force of her own orgasm milking me for everything that I had. Sweet release flooded through me as I emptied into her, thrusting hard enough that I was sure I was leaving bruises.

Finally our bodies calmed, the spasms quieting. Bella slumped against me utterly spent and panting hard. That had been the best sex I had ever had publicly. I let my arms form a loose circle around her body and held her as we both caught our breath. My head slumped back gently against the tile. The cool feel of it was welcoming.

Eventually Bella started to move again, sliding away from me. She got up and walked over to the closest stall and returned a moment later with a wad of toilet paper in her hand. I was still sitting on the floor, naked from the waist down. Bella got back down and proceeded to clean me off. I loved how she took care of me. It wasn't motherly at all, and also strangely erotic. She pulled my shorts up and I handed her back her underwear.

I'll admit the moment of silence between us as we both finished rearranging our clothes and getting some of them back on was a bit awkward. Afterwards Bella went over to the sink and checked her face and hair, straightened her tank top and then turned to me.

"Ready to face the crowds again?" I asked. Bella winked. Fuck.

"Don't jump your gun, Edward." She said sauntering over to me. She looped her arms around my neck and kissed me gently this time. "I love you so much." She whispered when she pulled back.

"Not as much as I love you," I whispered back. Bella smiled and leaned up to kiss me again. I kissed her back now, hoping that everything I felt was being conveyed. When we parted she took my hand and led me over to the door, unlocking it, and then pulling me through back out into the crowd.

~*~*~I~*~*~

The next two hours flew by in a blur and before I knew it we were back at my apartment. I hadn't liked the way Emmett had been scowling at us as we walked off in the opposite direction that he was. I thought he was over the whole 'disapproving' attitude. Whatever.

The moment the door closed I had Bella's back to a wall and we were all over each other once again. I lifted her leg to my hip as I had done earlier and ground my erection into her reveling in the feel of her arms around my neck and her lips on it. I let her go after a minute, her hands working quickly to get my belt off. She flung it across the living room where it landed somewhere with a dull thud.

We started working our way to my bedroom, mostly along the wall, shedding our clothes along the way. Our mouths never left each other's skin. Once all of our clothes were gone I lifted Bella up so she could wrap her legs around my naked hips. The last thing I remember before collapsing onto my bed with Bella for the rest of the night was kicking my bedroom door shut with a very loud and satisfying bang.

**A/N: Review please!**


	14. Upsetting Call

**A/N: Chapter 14, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight**

**EPOV**

"You got that one ok?" I asked as Bella walked up the stair past me carrying a very full box. She seemed to be struggling with it, but her balance was fine.

"I'm ok it's only a short walk down the hall." She said shifting the box in her arms trying to distribute the weight evenly. I waited until I was sure she could manage it without hurting herself and then continued back down the stairs to get another box.

Bella was officially moving in today. We'd asked Emmett for help but he had yet to show up. I hoped it wasn't for the reasons I thought it was. It had been a couple weeks since our little bar copulation stunt and Emmett hadn't had anything negative to say. In fact he wasn't saying anything at all about the whole event.

I'd already shrugged it off as Emmett being Emmett and let it go. It was my life with Bella, not him. But of course now with Bella moving in he had made it blatantly clear that is was time to let my family know what was going on between Bella and me if I was intending on taking things further. I was, but I didn't voice that to Emmett.

As I was heading back up the stairs Bella passed me and smiled at me. She was adorable in her shorts and t-shirt. She wore a light jacket with the sleeves pushed up to the elbows. I remembered to shut my mouth before I gave myself away.

The couch I'd had I'd gotten rid of because Tanya had picked it out and so we were moving Bella's loveseat in later. I pondered for a moment how we were going to get it down five flights of stairs, but it was a loveseat not a couch, and I was always up for a challenge. It was technically a new piece of furniture, and as Bella stopped in front of me I had the distant thought of maybe breaking it in just a touch more.

Bella took my jaw in her hand and kissed me lightly. No matter how many times she expressed her affection for me it always still took my breath away. 'How many more boxes are there?" She asked as she continued down the stairs.

"Just a couple more." I said. I dropped off the box I was carrying and jogged back down the stairs to help Bella with the rest. When I got outside I saw that Emmett had arrived, and not empty handed, or alone. He'd stopped by Bella's apartment and gotten her loveseat, and what looked like her end table, nightstand, and rocking chair as well. Jasper was with him, which made me feel better that Emmett hadn't moved all that furniture alone, with Alice in tow.

Thank God I had already told her or this would've earned a real guilt trip with my little sister. "Hey, guys!" Emmett called as he jumped down from the cab of his pickup. "Sorry we're late, you know women." Emmett glanced back at Alice with a smirk and she flipped him off.

"Oh stop, Alice." Jasper chided her gently. "He didn't mean it. And you should know better than to upset the pixie, Emmett. I'll get the brunt of it later."

I chuckled to myself and watched as Emmett and Jasper unloaded the loveseat and carried it inside to go up one wide flight of stairs with it. I grabbed the end table and Bella and Alice each got the last two boxes. Our little parade must have looked quite comical as we all ascended the stairs together.

After we got everything settled that came, Alice and Bella stayed behind in the apartment to start emptying boxes while Emmett, Jasper, and I headed back down for the last of the furniture Emmett had brought over on his first trip. We still had to go back over and get her bed, dresser, table and chairs among other things…

Most of Bella's furniture was going in the second bedroom for now. If things between us continued on the path they were on then someday we'd have more bedrooms within a house to put all of this. Right now I couldn't envision a future more desirable. I could see Bella and I sitting on a porch next to each other, Bella with a little baby on her knee…

"Ed!" Emmett called, and I felt something soft lob the side of my head. "Snap out of your daydreams, bro, there's work to be done."

I crouched and picked up the pillow on the ground and caught the second one Emmett tossed at me from the bed of his truck. He got down and pulled the nightstand out to give to Jasper and laid a table lamp on the pillows in my arms.

"What were you thinking about so hard anyway? Your eyes got all glassy."

"Bella," I answered simply, "What I'm always thinking about these days."

Emmett rolled his eyes and lifted the rocking chair out to carry upstairs. I eyed the piece of furniture, and I knew someday I would see Bella sitting it with a little baby nestled in her arms. It was a future I had always truly desired, to have a family of my own to raise and watch grow.

~*~*~I~*~*~

**BPOV**

Three words: I hate moving.

I've done it so many times in my life already that I've grown to despise even the word. But this time I've moved in with Edward, nothing could make the tortuous effort of packing and unpacking more worthwhile. I chickened out when it came time to make dinner, not really in the mood for what I had had planned, and nagged Edward to order Chinese. I was craving it anyway. We settled onto the loveseat that Emmett and Jasper had so gallantly carried up the stairs, our respective cartons of carry out in our hands. Edward being much nimbler than me ate with chopsticks flawlessly, and I ate with an ordinary dinner fork.

I ate more than was usual for me, having worked up a real appetite all day long, and as soon as I was finished I was dead tired. We both decided to go to bed early and snuggle for a bit before actually passing out. But as soon as my head hit the pillow I was a goner. Edward pointed out the odd behavior in the morning. I never passed out that quickly, no matter how tired I was. We both just brushed it off as being exhausted from yesterday.

Today was going to be an unpacking day. Edward worked out in the living room rearranging furniture while I unpacked in the bedroom and bathroom where most of the things we'd moved were going. I knew Edward hated moving, but all day he never complained, and came in periodically to check on me, and asked me if we should maybe move the bed to the north wall instead.

"I don't know," I answered honestly. I stood in the doorway with him trying to picture what the room would look like if the bed was moved. "If we put the bed on the north wall then you're going to get the full blast of the sunrise in the morning since you sleep on the left side."

"That's a good point, and I hate waking up that way." Edward mumbled, rumpling his hair as he thought. "I've been meaning to buy those really thick curtains to hang in that window but I just never got around to it." Edward raked his fingers through his gorgeous hair making my heart flutter. I absolutely loved it when he did that, it always made my stomach turn with giddy anxiety. "You hungry?" He asked turning to glance down at me.

"Famished, actually. I feel like I haven't eaten all day."

"Want me to go grab some lunch, there's no food in the apartment right now. Don't look at me like that," Edward mock threatened as I threw him an indignant glare. "I'm gonna do the shopping, don't get your panties in a twist. Though, I doubt there's enough of them to twist in the first place."

"You would know," I mumbled, smiling playfully up at him.

"I would," Edward said confidently. "I'll be back in a little bit, take it easy ok."

"Please, what could possibly happen while you're around the corner getting sandwiches?"

I practically pushed Edward out the door with his wallet in my hurry for him to get food. I wasn't kidding when I said I was absolutely famished. I slumped down onto the couch with my cell phone and began going through my old messages deleting the ones I didn't need anymore. It suddenly started ringing and I saw on the caller ID that it was Renee. Wow, I hadn't spoken to my mother in almost three months.

"Hey, mom," I greeted her cheerfully, "what's up?"

"Just calling to see how things are with you, work, and your class? You know, just things in general, we've haven't spoken in a while."

I leaned back against the armrest of the loveseat and kicked my feet up on the cushions. "Yeah, I'm sorry about that I've just been… busy, lately."

"Work?" Renee guessed.

"Among other things." I said in a neutral tone.

"Like what kind of things? Do you have a boyfriend?"

I slapped myself on the forehead. That's right, I haven't told her yet. "Uh…Yeah actually."

"I knew it. I could hear it in your voice. What's he like?"

"He's really nice, a perfect gentleman. He takes good care of me, loves me for me."

"That's nice," Renee sighed.

"Mom, you sound a little off, what's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing, I just wish things were as good between your stepfather and I."

I sat up as soon as Renee used the term 'stepfather'. She _never_ referred to Phil that way. Not once in the three years they had been married had she ever called Phil my stepfather. It was always first name with her.

"This is why you called me isn't it?" I asked my tone serious.

"Yes," Renee answered honestly. That was another surprise, usually my mother liked to sugarcoat things she thought I would find difficult to swallow. She wasn't bothering with it now. Something was definitely wrong.

"Mom, what's going on?" I asked quietly, trying to keep my voice comforting.

"Phil has been unable to find work down here in Jacksonville, and we can't exactly make a good living on my teaching salary. And lately he hasn't exactly been trying to find work either. I keep encouraging him like a good wife and supporter, but he's lost faith in himself."

"Mom, you can't just give up on him just like that."

"It's been five months, Bella." Renee said slowly. "I don't know what we're going to do over the summer. Actually, if things to change direction by the end of April, I'll have to take a summer teaching job."

"I'm sure things will work out, Mom."

"I hope so, too, Bella, I really don't want to go through another divorce."

As soon as the word left my mother's mouth I felt a chill down my spine. No way would she divorce Phil, she loved him more than anything. He made her feel young and alive. "Just have faith, Mom." I said quietly.

"I'll try, Bella. I have to go for now. I'll call you again soon. Say hello to your new boyfriend for me. What's his name?"

"Edward."

"Say hello to Edward for me."

"I will," I promised, "bye, Mom."

"Bye, Bella."

The line clicked. I shut my cell phone slowly and just stared at it for a long moment. Was this really happening? Would my mom really go through with another divorce? I know in my heart that I didn't want her to. I wanted everything between her and Phil to work out. He really was a great guy for her, and I know he loves Renee as much as she loves him. Things would work out, they had to.

Edward walked through the door just then. The sound of him shutting it loudly snapped me out of my thoughts. He carried a plastic bag in his hand. As soon as I smelled the warm bread and chicken I was suddenly overcome with hunger and got up to join him at the counter.

"What were you thinking about when I walked in?" He asked as he placed my sub on a paper plate. "You seemed pretty lost in thought. Anything wrong, you looked a little worried."

I looked up no hearing him for a second, and took a moment to process everything. "No," I answered quickly, maybe a little too quickly. "Everything's fine. My mom called me. I finally spilled the beans to her about you and me. Well, actually she asked if I had a boyfriend and I said yes, but I didn't mention that I moved him with you this weekend."

"Not ready to share that yet?" Edward asked as he sat down beside me. I dug into my sandwich for a minute before answering.

"Not yet, give it a couple more weeks." I took another bite and chewed slowly.

"You sure everything's all right, you're zoning out again?"

"Fine," I lied again. I couldn't tell him, not now. I didn't want to spoil this. Edward reached over and rubbed my back comfortingly. "Thanks," I smiled at him. He leaned and kissed me gently. "Love you," I whispered when we parted.

"Love you more." Edward whispered back.

Yes, everything would work out. It just had to.

**A/N: Review please!**


	15. Change in Priorities

**A/N: Chapter 15, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I should have been paying more attention to her these past weeks. I knew something was wrong. I should have pressed her more to talk about it, but every time I broached the subject she just shut down. Ever since she moved in six weeks ago something just hasn't been right with Bella. She's been distant, but at the same time needy, clingy, and not in a bad way. I come home after a long day in the afternoon and she practically jumps off the couch to throw her arms around me. Who couldn't want more of a welcome than that?

But there are other things I've been noticing. She get dark sometimes, just stops talking and sits on the bed staring into a corner of the bedroom with her knees pulled to her chest, and sometimes she doesn't eat. Something has been gnawing at her inside for a while now and I've felt so helpless. She doesn't shut me out completely, she just doesn't let me in as much as she used to. I tried to get information from Emmett, but he said the same thing, among others.

Lately Bella hasn't been able to concentrate on her work too much at the club. She was slipping, dropping glasses again and losing her balance a lot. She couldn't handle as many customers at once as she used to be able to, she'd forget who ordered what and sometimes give someone the wrong drink. Emmett had sent her home very early three nights in a row because she couldn't stop throwing up. She chalked it up to nerves at the time because she was afraid she was going to lose her job, but I knew better even then.

And I'd even said to her, "Would getting a different job really be so bad?" Of course Bella had thought it would. She'd described her job at the club as the second most rewarding thing in her life. I was the first. That had made me feel good, and had sufficiently distracted me from the point I was trying to make at the time, which had probably been her plan.

I got through the third light and hit the gas even harder, my Volvo purring beneath me as I sped down the street toward the hospital. The last few weeks I'd noticed Bella eating less, but also more. She ate with me at breakfast, lunch, and dinner taking smaller portions, but I'd also been catching her scrounging in the afternoon, the late morning, and sometimes midnight. I'd never known her to be a grazer.

Again, something was not right. I didn't have any options to work with since I had no information to go on. Maybe something was going on between her and her parents. It wasn't farfetched. She had once told me that her father never really forgave her for moving out two years after she had moved back in with him to finish high school. She had been the last memory of her mother that he had and she had left, just like her mother.

But I'd only gotten a superficial view of what was going on with her lately. Apparently things were much worse. Bella had collapsed. From what I heard from my father, who'd called me after Bella had been admitted, she was walking downstairs from our apartment and just collapsed. Luckily our neighbor had just stepped outside and rushed to her. As soon as Bella got to the hospital and my father learned who she was he took her into the emergency room and called me.

I parked as close to the ER doors as I could and ran inside. They knew me here and the receptionist at the desk told me to wait by the entrance doors. I sat down, head in my hands. I could feel my body trembling in fear.

Was she hurt?

How bad was it?

Did she have a concussion?

Oh God, what if something really bad had happened? What would've happened if no one had been there to help her?

"Edward,"

I looked up to see Carlisle walking out of the ER carrying a clipboard under his arm. Typical doctor paraphernalia. I started to stand but Carlisle motioned for me to sit back down. Not good. Something _had_ happened to Bella.

"Don't get yourself worked up, she's fine. No broken bones, just a couple bruised ribs and a slight concussion. She slid more than fell down the stairs. She's awake now."

"Is she in any pain?"

"Some, but nothing severe. Nothing meriting strong painkillers. Besides, even if she was in considerable pain, I wouldn't be allowed to give her anything stronger than something generic."

"Why?" I asked, completely confused. "Does she have some kind of allergy?"

Carlisle shook his head slowly and he reached over to place his hand on my shoulder. "I shouldn't be the one to tell you this, Edward, but Bella asked me to. I took blood as I normally would and ran the standard tests, and when it came back there were results on there I was not expecting to see." He handed me the clipboard knowing well that I could read the test results, but he told me before my eyes reached the bottom of the page. "Bella's pregnant, Edward." He said quietly.

I looked up from the paper in front of me, my eyes wide in shock. I simply stared at Carlisle. I looked back down to the paper in my hands. There in black and white in front of me was the molecular proof. I couldn't believe this, I felt the clipboard fall from my hands and the room started to spin.

"Edward, breathe," Carlisle demanded gently. I tried to suck in a lungful of air but my chest was too tight. "Edward, calm down."

I looked down at my father now. When had I stood up? I sat back down attempting to take a few breaths. The air came easier this time. I looked over at my father feeling the accusation in my stare. "Why are you telling me?"

"I told you, Bella asked me to. I didn't want to, I shouldn't have been the one to tell you, but she begged me to do it."

"Has she known?"

Carlisle shook his head again. "No, she found out when her results came back. Edward, please, calm down. You can't go in there breathing fire."

"Why did she want you to tell me?"

Carlisle sighed, "Something about you having too much to deal with right now, in her eyes, and she wanted you to come in knowing. She didn't want to just "drop the bomb on you". She wanted you to be prepared."

I stood up again grabbing at my hair with both of my hands and began pacing back and forth. "Why is she so selfless?" I asked loudly to myself.

"Go in and see her. She needs you right now."

I nodded and headed for the door. "Wait," I said turning back to Carlisle, "how far along is she?"

"I don't know that yet. I asked an ultrasound tech to come downstairs with a monitor. She should be down in a bit, we'll know then."

I nodded once more and Carlisle got up from his seat. As I headed for the door again he turned to walk in the opposite direction. "Wait," I called again.

Carlisle turned and looked at me with a soft expression. "What is it, son?" He asked gently, his voice devoid of any patronizing tone.

"Thank you, for everything you did."

"Bella is part of the family now, I'm more than happy to help her and you both in any way."

I offered a small smile in gratitude, it was all I could muster right now, and headed through the double doors into the emergency room. I asked for Bella and the nurse behind the desk area pointed me to a room with the curtain drawn. I walked over and pulled the curtain aside a little bit peeking my head in to make I got the right one. Bella was sitting up sipping from a cup of water with a straw, her other hand lying flat on her belly on top of the blanket. If I didn't know better I'd swear it looked a little rounder, even with the blanket on top.

"Hey," I said quietly.

Bella's eyes shifted to me and her lips formed a small smile around the straw. She put the cup down and sat up a little straighter. "Hey," she answered softly.

I walked in making sure the curtain was completely closed and sat in the chair next to her bed. "So I heard you took a little tumble." I said, trying to ease the tension around us.

"Just a little one," Bella smiled back.

"You're not hurt are you?" I asked taking her free and in both of mine.

"No, just a couple bruises here and there…" Bella trailed off and took a deep breath. "Edward, I –"

I put a hand up and then wrapped it around hers again. "Carlisle told me already. You really didn't know?"

"I had a suspicion. I was keeping track of my symptoms and that's what clued me in, in the first place, but I was still getting my cycle. That's what threw me."

"Well, this affects every woman differently. I was wondering about your little stockpile of ice cream you have going in the freezer."

Bella blushed lightly and reached for her water. We sat there in silence for a couple long minutes while she sipped. There was a whole pitcher next to her. I figured it had to do with the ultrasound. Women were supposed to have a full bladder. It made locating the uterus easier.

"I can't believe this is happening." I whispered. "I never expected…" But I stopped when I felt Bella's hand on my face. I looked up and saw that she was gazing at me with softest expression. Her eyes were warm, liquid chocolate. I was overcome by the sparkle in them and leaned up to press my lips firmly but gently against hers. "I love you," I whispered when we parted.

"I love you, too." Bella whispered in response.

The curtain was pulled back slowly and a middle height brunette woman walked in pulling an ultrasound monitor behind her. "Isabella Swan?" She asked making sure she got the right room. Bella nodded. "Hi," she said pleasantly, closing the curtain behind her and shutting the overhead light off. "Have you been drinking the water?" she asked Bella.

"Yeah, as much as I can," Bella said quietly, her eyes downcast, "I'm sure the IV I've been on for the past hour helps."

"A little." The nurse admitted as she hooked up the monitor on the other side of the bed from where I sat. I kept Bella's hand between mine as the nurse pulled the blanket back and told Bella to lie back a little. She lifted Bella's shirt to her ribs and grabbed a white squeeze bottle from beside the monitor. "This is going to be cold, just a warning so you don't jump."

"Thanks," Bella said quietly without laughing. She was just as uncomfortable as I was right now. The nurse sat down and squeezed some of the clear gel onto Bella's stomach and switched the monitor on before beginning to glide the sensor across her belly.

"Ok, that's your bladder right there," the nurse said quietly as she glided the instrument a little further down Bella's stomach. She looked over at Bella who was staring at the monitor with empty eyes. "Scared?"

Bella blinked and nodded but didn't say anything. "Its ok," the nurse said gently. "I don't have to do this, we can stop."

"No, no, it's all right." Bella said quietly. She looked over at me. "We need to know." I smiled at her and leaned over to kiss her forehead. Bella let out a breath and settled back down. I saw the nurse smile to herself and turn back to the monitor.

"Is that it?" I asked a moment later.

"Yup," the nurse answered pressing a couple buttons on the monitor. "Tiny isn't it? There's the head," she pointed to a small white orb in the middle of the screen, "and there's the body." She pointed next to it a strip of white. I could barely make it out from where I was sitting, but there it was right in front of me. Tangible proof that I had taken root in Bella's womb. I felt her hand tighten inside mine and heard her sniff.

"It's overwhelming, I know." The nurse said quietly. "I take it this was not planned." She looked from me to Bella. We both nodded. She turned back to the monitor and pressed a few more buttons while continuing to move the instrument around. "Based on the measurements here I'd say you're eight weeks along. It's a little too soon to tell the sex, but in about four more weeks it should be clear. Do you want a print out of this?"

I looked at Bella. She just gazed back into my eyes. "Sure," I said quietly. The nurse pressed a couple more buttons and the monitor buzzed for a minute before she shut it off.

She handed Bella some paper towel and helped her to sit back up. "I'll be right back." She said and turned the light back on making sure she also closed the curtain on her way out.

I reached over and took the paper from Bella's limp hand and cleaned her up before fixing her shirt. I reached behind my chair to throw the sticky paper in the trash and looked back to Bella. Silent tears were running down her cheeks. "Oh, Bella," I got up and took her face in my hands kissing the moisture away. She held my wrists and tried to breathe normally although she was bordering on hyperventilation.

"I'm not upset, Edward," she finally managed to get out. "I'm not sad."

"You're not?" I asked quietly, cupping her face in my hand.

"No," Bella shook her head as she wiped the remaining moisture from her face. I sat back down still holding her hand. I couldn't let it go right now. "I'm… happy."

"You're not scared?"

"Of course I'm scared, I'm petrified." Bella laughed. I chuckled lightly. "But I'm not sad. "Frankly, Edward, and I hope you can forgive how blunt this is, but I'm glad that it's you who," Bella blushed a little and looked down into her lap sheepishly for a moment, "who knocked me up."

I let out a little laugh at that. "Bluntness forgiven," I said quietly, and then added more seriously, "Are you sure?" I asked. I wasn't asking if she was sure about her feelings, they were very clear to me. I was asking something else, something far more important. Something that, if she said yes, was going to change our priorities for the rest of our lives.

"I'm sure, Edward."

I breathed in and let it out extremely slow. "What about you?" Bella asked.

"I'm sure," I answered a moment later. I reached over and placed my hand on her belly. "I'm sure,"

**A/N: Review please!**


	16. Questions and Obligations

**A/N: Chapter 16, revised.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

On the drive back to our apartment I kept glancing at Bella every couple of seconds to make sure that she was ok. She was silent, staring at the printout of her ultrasound that she held in her lap. She hadn't been able to look away from it since we got in the car. I was surprised they had even allowed Bella to come home tonight. But Carlisle signed her release and said we could go. The nurse who had administered the ultrasound asked Bella if she wanted to make an appointment to come back in four weeks. Bella had just nodded and took whatever date they had available. I made note of it mentally and would write it down when we got back.

I reached over and took Bella's hand as I parked the car outside our building. "Bella, we're home." I said quietly, hoping my tone came out as comforting. Bella looked up at me and smiled, but not brightly. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah," she sighed, her eyes turning back to the printout in her hands.

"Let's go inside, I'll make dinner."

"Ok,"

I kept my arm loose around Bella's waist as we walked upstairs. Bella wasn't in much of a talking mood as we ate. I kept it simple, something chicken, keeping in mind that she needed more protein now. When she disappeared into the bathroom for a hot shower I took the opportunity to jot down the date of her next ultrasound on the notepad on the fridge, then I hung the fuzzy black and white printout next to it. I stood there for a long moment just staring at it.

The confusion going through my mind then must have been exactly what Bella had been feeling on the drive back. I looked away to listen for the shower. It was running, I think. I walked into the bathroom off of my bedroom and saw Bella sitting on the toilet, a towel wrapped around her otherwise naked body, her arms tight about her torso. She stared blankly down at the floor as the hot water wasted away in the shower.

"Bella," I walked in slowly and crouched down in front of her taking her hands. "What's wrong, love?"

"I don't know…" She started, "I thought… I thought I was ready. Now," Bella let out a long sigh and looked up at me, "now I'm not so sure, Edward. A ba- this- is a big step. Not just for us, but for everyone else, too."

"Don't think about everyone else, all that matters right now is you." I said softly, reaching up to cup the side of her face.

"I don't think I can do this, Edward. I… I'm not as ready as I thought I was."

"Well," I started slowly, "we don't have to do this. There are other options here, Bella. I know, I know you would never consider that," I said quickly when I caught the appalled expression on her face, "but if you don't think you're ready, if you think you can't handle this then you shouldn't force yourself to."

Bella sighed heavily and looked to her flat, towel clad stomach, and then back up at me. "What do you think?"

I was thoughtful for a long moment, choosing my words as carefully as possible. "I think it will be a very big challenge, but certainly not one that we can't handle."

"So you think we're ready for something like this?"

"No, I don't. But I don't think we can't not do this."

"You're contradicting yourself. Either you think we can do this, or we can't."

"We can," I said emphasizing it and taking Bella's face in my hands again. "We may not be ready as adults for something like this, or in relationship terms, but I know that you and I can do anything together. No matter the challenge. And honestly, Bella, I couldn't think of a better challenge for us."

"Is that how you see this?" Bella accused. I prayed the sudden temper was a mood swing.

"No, no, sweetheart, I see this as a blessing. An utter challenge, yes, but a blessing nonetheless. You know… You know how I feel about a family."

Bella didn't respond for a moment. She sighed again and got up. I stood with her. "I do," she said finally. She reached into the shower and turned the nozzles all the way to the right to shut the shower off. Guess that wasn't happening. "And I wouldn't want to take something away from you that I know you deeply desire."

"Don't worry about what I want, Bella, this is about what you want."

Bella reached for her thin robe hanging on the back of the door. She turned and faced the mirror starting to unwrap the towel. I turned to leave to give her some privacy, but she reached and took my hand and asked me to stay. I stood behind her as she let the towel fall from around her body. For several long moments we both just stood staring at her reflection, her hands pressed to her still flat stomach. I reached my arms around her and placed my hands on top of hers.

Bella closed her eyes. I wish I knew what she was thinking. I'd give anything to hear her mind right now. To know exactly what was flowing through it as we stood there. Eventually Bella opened her eyes again and asked for her robe. I draped it over her shoulders as she slipped her arms through it and tied it shut around her thin body.

She turned then and folded herself into my arms playing with the buttons on my shirt. "Will you lay down with me?" She asked quietly. I responded by dipping my head and kissing the top of hers and then scooped her up and carried her out into the bedroom. I sat down on the bed with Bella still in my arms and laid her down straightening out beside her. Bella curled herself against my body laying her head on my chest and wrapped her arms around me.

I wrapped an arm around her stroking her side as we lay there in comfortable silence for several minutes. I could tell there was something she wanted to say but needed a minute to word it in her mind. I let my hand drift to her stomach where I stroked lightly through the robe. Bella's hand came up and enclosed over mine.

"You really think we can do this?" she asked looking up at me.

"Yes I do." I answered honestly. "It won't be easy, but I know we can do this."

"You don't think Carlisle will say anything to your mother?"

"No, he'll leave it to us to break the news to everyone. He doesn't like to take liberties. He's too polite."

"I respect him. I had to literally beg him to tell you this afternoon. I didn't think he would."

"Hm," I dipped my head to kiss her forehead. Bella turned her face up to mine and I captured her mouth in a soft kiss. "What are you thinking?" I asked when we parted.

Bella settled herself back against my chest. "What it's going to be like telling Emmett."

"Don't assume his reaction. It may wind up not being as bad as you think."

"Or maybe it will be." Bella sighed pessimistically. She was silent for a long time, simply lying against me and breathing. "What do you think it will be?" She asked after some time.

"I don't know." I answered quietly. "What do you think?"

Bella smirked up at me playfully. "I asked you first."

I chuckled lightly. "A daughter," I whispered.

"Really?"

"Yes," I hugged Bella closer to me and we both held her stomach. "I want a little girl."

"Have you ever considered names?"

"No, I never got that far. I just always imagined having a girl first."

"Do you want to think of some names?"

As soon as the question left Bella's mouth the reality of our conversation hit me. We were really discussing naming our… future child. I couldn't bring myself to believe we were actually here. That Bella and I were seriously discussing starting a family. A family, the one thing besides the woman in my arms that I truly desired in life. This was too surreal for me.

"Edward?" Bella asked raising herself up on one elbow. "You ok?" She stroked my chest gently.

I looked up at her and reached out to touch her cheek. I ran my finger up and down the side of her face for a moment before bringing it down to trace the outline of her lips. I felt her press her mouth against the tip of my fingers.

"I guess I'm just going through the same emotions you are, love. Confusion, happiness, doubt… I just can't believe this is really happening."

Bella nodded and relaxed back against me. "I wonder how everyone is going to take this. God, I wonder how my mother is going to react. She's never even met you."

"How are things going with her?"

Bella was silent and went stiff in my arms. Just from her reaction I could tell I had just pinpointed exactly what had been bothering her for the last six weeks. I hadn't even been trying to broach that particular subject.

"Not good," Bella whispered. Her fingers clutched unconsciously at my shirt. "She and my stepfather are getting a divorce."

"Oh, Bella," I said softly, pulling her against me. "I'm so sorry." She didn't say anything. I wanted to know why, but I didn't want to push Bella farther than she was willing to go.

"She called me a couple days ago to update me on the situation between them. I know she doesn't want to do this, but they've been fighting so much lately that she can't take it anymore. She said it reminds her too much of when she and my father split up. She doesn't know if she can go through another divorce, and neither honestly want it, but they just can't see any other options right now. I told her to try and hang in there. They love each other so much. I just can't see them apart."

I let Bella talk and get it all out of her system. With the speed at which she was talking it was obvious she'd wanted to say all of this for a long time. I was sure our current situation was acting as a catalyst in helping her to finally get everything out. She needed to clear her mind so she could focus on something more important.

"Promise me we'll never be apart. We'll never let anything come between us." Bella whispered after a brief silence elapsed between us.

"I promise, Bella. Never."

"I love you," She whispered into my chest.

"I love you, too," I pressed my hand to her stomach again. "Both of you." We lay there again in silence for some time. Bella wasn't falling asleep and neither was I. I would lay here all night with her if that was what she wanted. But the promise I had just made to her made me think of a question. A question I had been planning on asking her for a few weeks now.

"Bella," I said softly. She looked up at me. "I… I want to ask you something. Something that I think will not only help ease in telling our families this news, but also help to ease your mind as well."

"What is it, Edward?" Bella asked. I sat up slowly and she sat up with me. She watched as I reached over into the nightstand next to the bed and turned back around to face her.

"This is for you." I said opening my hand. Lying in my palm was a small black ring box. I heard her gasp. "Bella," I looked up at her as she took it from me and flipped the lid open slowly. "Bella, will you marry me?"

She looked up from the ring that was nestled in the box with tears in her eyes and nodded. "Yes," she whispered. I let out a loud breath of relief and took the ring from the box and then her left hand and slid it into place on her third finger. She threw her arms around my neck then and kissed me deeply. I kissed her back holding her face between my hands. I pushed her down slowly onto her back, one hand slipping down to wrap around her and hold her to me. She had just made me the happiest man in the world. The least I could do in return was kiss her properly in gratitude.

"Thank you," I whispered into her ear when we parted to breathe.

"I should be thanking you," Bella said gazing up into my eyes. She brushed her fingers through my hair and kissed me lightly. "For loving me the way you do."

"You saved me from myself, Bella. You're still saving me. I owe you everything for all that you're giving me."

Bella smiled softly and kissed me again. "I've never wanted to be with someone so much in my life, Edward. I can't see myself happier than this with anyone else. I only want you."

"And I you," I leaned down and kissed away the tear that rolled down her cheek just then. I took her hand in mine and brought it to my lips to kiss her fingers. I then reached down and placed our interlaced hands on her belly. I don't know how long we lay there after that simply gazing into each other's eyes.

**A/N: Review please!**


	17. Telling Emmett

**A/N: Chapter 17, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**BPOV**

I was a bundle of nerves and then some. Today was the day I had decided to tell Emmett. I could just imagine he was going to be less than thrilled, but Edward had told me not to assume. I was trying very hard not to, but Emmett's initial reaction to mine and Edward's relationship always made me feel a little nervous when it came to sharing news about us. It was a sunny day without a chance of rain happening, the kind of weather that always gave one hope. I'd chosen a small, local restaurant to meet him at for lunch and had requested an outside table for two. Edward had asked if I wanted him to accompany me, but I told him this was something I had to do alone, initially at least.

I was already seated when I saw Emmett walk over. He leaned down and kissed my cheek in greeting, a good sign. He sat down across from me and folded his hands on the table in front of us. I reached out to pick up my glass of water and sipped it carefully watching as Emmett was handed a menu from the waitress. He waited until she was out of sight to place it down on the table.

"You look good," He observed as I put my glass down. "Beautiful, actually. Are you doing something different with your hair?"

"No, nothing new." I responded. Just hormones kicking in and changing my already imbalanced chemicals, I thought to myself.

"How are you feeling, I know you haven't been that well lately?" Emmett asked politely.

"Better than I was last week."

Emmett glanced over his shoulder when he heard the waitress walking back over and grabbed his menu glancing at it for maybe five seconds before putting it back down. The waitress walked over and asked if we were ready. I got a green salad extra veggies. Emmett got a burger.

"Watching our weight, are we?" He teased as the waitress walked off.

"Eating healthier these days."

A brief silence passed between us and we both sipped our waters. "So, what's up?" Emmett asked causally.

I took a deep breath considering my options here. I could try and continue with this casual conversation and ease into the real reason I had asked him to lunch, or just get right to the point. I didn't know how much longer my already frazzled nerves could last, so I decided to just say it.

"Emmett, there's something I need to tell you." I said quietly. I watched the expression on his face change from casual to concern when he heard the serious tone in my voice. "And something I need to show you."

Emmett looked at me confused. "Bella, what's going on?" He asked. I could hear the fear in his voice. I took another breath and turned to pull something out of my purse. I then sat there holding it between my fingers staring at it. I looked up and saw Emmett's eyes fix on the small piece of glittering jewelry. "What's that?" He asked, clearly terrified of the answer he already knew.

"And engagement ring, Emmett." I said quietly. "From Edward." I took my third deep breath and looked up at him as I slid the ring into place on the third finger of my left hand and then I looked up at him again. "I'm pregnant."

Emmett just gaped at me and was completely silent for an entire minute. I felt the seconds tick uncomfortably by. "You're joking right?" He asked finally.

I shook my head slowly. "No, Emmett, I'm not. I'm almost three months pregnant and Edward is the father."

Emmett was silent again. I reached across the table to lay my hand on his but he yanked them back in disgust. "I fucking knew this was going to happen." He muttered under his breath. "I told you, you two were wrong for each other!" He hissed quietly at me.

"Emmett, stop." I said holding a hand up. "No one saw this coming." I said quietly. "No one expected it, especially not Edward and I. It's not like this was something we dreamed about happening. At least not right now." I took a breath and continued, trying the entire time to keep my voice down and my tone gentle.

"Edward was going to propose soon anyway, but this current situation acted as a catalyst."

"Is that what you're calling this?" Emmett hissed again. "A "situation", Bella? Take some responsibility and just say you two got fucking careless."

"Excuse me?" I was shocked. "Emmett, you know Edward and I are always careful. You know how responsible we are."

"You call getting knocked up being responsible?"

"It could to happen to anyone!" I whispered loudly in my own defense. I took a breath to calm myself. "We didn't plan this, and we certainly didn't wish for it."

"Bella, just stop ok." Emmett said interrupting me. He pushed his chair back from the table. "I can't listen to this." He got up and looked down at me apologetically. "I'm sorry, Bella, but this is just too much for me to handle right now." He looked around uncomfortably for a moment. "I'll see you around." He said quietly, and walked off leaving me staring at his back as he departed.

I didn't know if I had just lost one of my best friends, but deep down something told me that I had.

~*~*~I~*~*~

**EPOV**

I got a call around two in the afternoon when I was in the middle of a class. It was Emmett. He sounded so upset that I went back into the classroom grabbed my books and made a quick apology to my chemistry professor about an emergency coming up and I had to leave. My recent string of straight A's bought me a little slack and I wasn't reprimanded for disturbing the class.

Emmett was outside my apartment when I arrived, shuffling on his feet and occasionally wiping his face. Had he been crying? Usually I was the more feminine one between the two of us. Emmet never cried. "What happened?" I asked as I walked up to him.

"I fucked up." Emmett said quietly. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes again. "I walked out on Bella. I shouldn't have done that. I've been trying to call her but she won't pick up her phone, or yours either."

"Come on," I led Emmett inside and we walked up the stairs together.

"I really messed up, Ed. I shouldn't have reacted the way I did. I just got up and stormed out of there, I shouldn't have done that."

"Stop, I'm sure Bella will forgive you. She's not one to hold grudges."

"It was inexcusable and unforgiveable. You don't treat your friends like that."

"Emmett, stop, ok. It' all right. Frankly, we were both expecting that reaction from you, but you should know that Bella's emotions are all over the place right now. It's like being caught up in a storm or something. One second she's all smiles and happy, and the next its like a flood or torrent or something and she can't stop crying."

"I'm such an ass." Emmett whispered as we reached my door.

"Shut up," I told him. "Besides, I know a way you can make it up to her. She has a favor to ask you and so do I."

"Anything for you guys, anything."

I reached over and clasped Emmett on his shoulder. "Thanks," I opened the door and shut it behind us. The first thing I noticed was that the apartment was too quiet. Bella's bag was on the table by the lamp. Her keys were next to it, shoes kicked off by the door. But where was Bella?

"Hang on," I said to Emmett and walked through the apartment to the bedroom. I tried the knob, it was unlocked. "Bella?" I asked quietly, walking in.

She was lying on the bed crying softly into a pillow that she was clutching. She didn't hear me. I immediately went over and got on the bed beside her wrapping her up in my arms. She let the pillow go and wrapped her arms around me instead. "He hates me," she cried into my chest.

"No he doesn't." I said stroking her back. "And he's not mad, either."

Bella picked her head up and sniffed. Her eyes were red from crying and slightly swollen. "How do you know?"

"Because he's here, he wants to apologize for the way he acted earlier."

Bella sniffed a couple times and hiccupped once. I chuckled and helped her to sit up positioning her in my lap. I wiped her face off with my hand and kissed her forehead a couple of times. "It's ok, sweetheart. No one is mad."

"Bells," Emmett said from the door.

Bella looked up as a wave of relief passed over her features. Emmett walked in and sat down on the bed. Bella left my arms and folded herself into Emmett's. "I'm so sorry, honey. I shouldn't have done that. You deserve better."

"You're forgiven." Bella croaked out. She sat up and punched him on the arm lightly. "That's for being a jerk." She smiled.

"I definitely deserve it. I'm sorry, Bella."

"I already said you're forgiven."

Emmett smiled and kissed her forehead before letting her go. Bella crawled back into my lap laying her head on my chest and sighing.

"So what's this favor I can grant to make up for my appalling behavior?" Emmett asked.

Bella and I exchanged smiles before looking back to Emmett. I spoke first. "We're going to get married in August." I said. "I know, I know, that's when you and Rose plan on getting married as well, but you guys chose a date late in the month right?"

"Yeah," Emmett answered. "Let me guess, you guys are thinking the beginning of the month?"

"Yeah," Bella said softly. "Emmett, I want you to give me away, I want you to walk me down the aisle."

Emmett's expression was one of shock. "Bella… I,"

"And I want you to be my best man." I added.

"Ok, that one I can do." Emmett answered with a small smile. He turned to Bella, "But it's your father's right to walk you down the aisle, not mine."

Bella looked away at the wall for a long moment. "Emmett," she said quietly turning back to him. "I called my father the other day and by some miracle he actually answered the phone. When I told him he was going to be a grandfather all I got was silence. Then I asked him if he would be willing to fly here and visit. He just said, 'I don't know about that, Bella," and then said goodbye and hung up. I haven't been able to get in contact with him since. I don't think he wants to talk to me. I think I really broke his heart." Bella paused in her explanation and took a breath. "So, I want you to walk me down the aisle."

"Bells," Emmett said slowly. He looked down and thought for a long moment. Bella and I sat there waiting for his answer. When he looked up again he let out a breath and nodded. "All right, I'll walk you down the aisle, Bella."

"Thank you!" Bella went to him and hugged him intensely. I mouthed a thank you of my own and Emmett nodded in response as he hugged Bella back. Once more Bella came back to me when she let Emmett go. I watched him get up and look around the room for a couple of minutes as Bella and I talked quietly. Emmett needed to process all of this.

"So," he said turning back to us, "do you guys know yet what it is?"

"Not yet," I said. "We're going back to the hospital in a couple weeks for another ultrasound. We'll find out then."

"Did you tell your mom yet, Bella?"

"Not yet. I want to actually go and see her, and tell her face to face. We're thinking some time in July. We have a few things to iron out here first." Bella looked at me and smiled brightly.

Emmett caught that and looked at me confused. "We're getting a small house. Well, actually my parents are getting us a small house. As a wedding gift." I clarified. Emmett's eyes bugged out for a second and then returned to normal.

"Wow, that's nice of them."

"We can't raise a baby in an apartment, Emmett." Bella said matter-of-factly. "Doesn't matter if it's two bedrooms, or three. It would always be too small."

Emmett nodded as he started pacing. "I suppose that's true. But, wow, you two are really taking leaps and bounds with this."

"It's not a matter to be taken lightly." I said, "I can now agree with what my mother told me and Alice growing up. 'As soon as children become a part of your life, your priorities change. You grow up in a second.' We both realize that this is going to take a level of maturity that neither of us has reached yet. We need to make certain sacrifices and accept that we're going to be parents now. It's time to grow up."

Emmett's eyebrows rose at this and he let out a long breath. "I never thought I would see the day." He said quietly.

I looked at Bella and smiled at her. "Neither did we."

**A/N: Review please!**


	18. Pain

**A/N: Chapter 18, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**BPOV**

Everything was finally falling into place. We were set to move in a few short weeks, Edward and I were done with classes for the year, and we were flying down to Florida to visit my mother after the move. Nothing could destroy this happy place that we found ourselves in these days. It was now confirmed that Edward and I were having a girl. We'd only just started discussing names. I honestly couldn't think of one that wasn't popular in the last few years and in the end we both decided to just make one up. Every time one of us got an idea we wrote it down on the pad on the fridge. Edward taken to dotting the i's in some of the names with little hearts. His discreet way of telling me that he loves me. As if I needed reminding.

The most recent ultrasound had been framed, at Edward's request, and now sat on the breakfast counter facing out into the living room. Every morning we would sit there having breakfast together and just stare at it. Sometimes Edward couldn't look away. I know being able to see the baby made it so much more real for him. So much more tangible. He was getting everything he's ever wanted, and pretty much all at once, and I couldn't be filled with more joy and satisfaction that I was the one giving it to him.

~*~*~I~*~*~

"Edward," I called as I walked through the door shutting it behind me. The lights were off. That was odd. I flipped them on and dropped my purse by the door. I looked around the apartment and saw Edward sitting on the floor against the far wall. He had a bottle of amber liquid in his hand and he was staring away into space. I rushed to him seeing the distraught look on his face. He didn't look up at me.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked gently, crouching down in front of him and taking the hand that wasn't holding the bottle of alcohol. "Why were you sitting in the dark?" No answer. He just raised the bottle and took a long drink from it. "Edward Cullen, you answer me right now! Why are you doing this?"

"I saw Tanya today." He said quietly, weakly. He still didn't look at me. He sipped the alcohol again. "She was with the same guy. She was… pushing a stroller."

I didn't get what any of this had to do with his sudden dark mood and the need to drink. "She looked…happy with him. He had his arm around her. They were just walking and smiling at each other, and smiling down into the stroller."

"So?" I asked gently. That would be us soon enough. Why was he so upset?

"That should have been me, Bella." He cried looking up at me finally. I felt like he had just slapped me across the face. There was no way to describe the pain that shot through me just then. This was coming out of left field completely destroying the buzz that had settled so wonderfully around us over the last few weeks. Why was this happening? Why was he letting this affect him so severely?

"I just couldn't stop watching them. That should have been me walking next to her, Bella, me holding her…our baby in the stroller."

I just stared at him as he looked at me with pleading eyes. I couldn't believe what he was saying. I swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill, and I patted the hand I was still holding. "But it will be," I assured him, "You'll have that soon enough."

"I wanted it to be with her!" Edward cried again. "I loved her so much, Bella. I wanted children with her. I wanted to marry her!"

"You're marrying me, Edward, doesn't that count for anything?" I asked, unable to keep the emotion out of my voice now. I could feel my body shaking with stress and fear and anger, and above all pain. He was ripping my heart out.

"It should have been Tanya." Edward whispered, and sipped his alcohol again. I grabbed the bottle from him and set it down out of his reach. I then took his face in my hands and made him look at me.

"Edward, please don't do this. I love you more than you can possibly understand. She's in your past now. I'm your future and you're mine. You're marrying me and I'm marrying you. You love me." I got no answer. I needed to force this out of him. I got up and grabbed the printout off the counter, the same picture he'd requested be framed. It was only from last week, but the difference between this one and the first was significant. His child was growing inside me and I shoved the proof of it in his face.

"What about our baby girl?" I demanded, showing him the fuzzy black and white print out. "What about our baby? Doesn't she mean anything to you, Edward?" I asked, the tears beginning to slip.

Edward looked up at me and I knew in that moment that I'd never seen him in so much pain before. Her let a couple tears of his own fall. "You don't understand, Bella. I wanted this, all of this, to be with Tanya."

I couldn't help the anger that pulsed through me. I threw the frame down on the floor where the impact made the glass shatter around the paper picture inside. Edward didn't seem to notice. I looked away from him for a long time not meeting his gaze. Finally I turned back to him. I felt a couple tears slip free as I made up my mind. I came to a conclusion that I thought I never would:

Edward had never wanted me all along.

I had just been a bandage, nothing more. But I was altered for life at this point.

_Fine,_ I said to myself. If he didn't want this anymore I was just going to have to do it on my own. I now had flight plans and a… wedding to cancel. I looked up at Edward and took his hand. I laid it out flat and then started to pull my engagement ring off. Edward looked up when me saw the motion.

"Bella, what are you doing?" He asked, terrified by my gesture.

"Sure, now you pay attention to me." I said darkly. Edward just stared at me. I pulled the ring off and placed it in his hand curling his fingers around it. He looked at me completely shocked now. So this was what it had taken to snap him out of it. I took a deep, necessary breath and swallowed back the tears and the thickness in my voice. "Hold on to this, keep it safe." I said quietly, fighting so hard not to cry. I failed miserably. "Give it back to me when you're ready." I leaned in and kissed his forehead softly, caressing his cheek. "I love you."

I got up and without a second look I picked my purse up off the floor and walked out shutting the door quietly behind me. Even when I made it outside I still couldn't cry as hard as I wanted to, I needed to make a phone cal first. I pulled my cell out and dialed a number I had memorized back at Christmas.

"Esme, it's Bella. No, I'm not all right. Edward… Edward and I…" I couldn't get the words out. "Something happened. Can Carlisle come get me? I'm at Edward's apartment. Thank you," I hung up with Esme and sat down on a bench to wait for Edward's father.

I couldn't think of anyone else to call. I couldn't call Emmett. He was the second to last person I wanted to see right now, and I certainly couldn't call Alice. She would show up here and more than likely murder her brother. Fortunately Carlisle didn't take long. He didn't ask questions either during the drive, but I did notice that he looked to my now empty left hand. He simply reached across the seat and held it. I had no response. I sat quietly in the front seat, silent tears running down my face as I went over everything in my mind. Edward's words replaying in my head cut fresh wounds in my already mangled heart and made it difficult to breathe.

When we arrived at the house Esme burst out the front door and quickly enveloped me in her arms stroking my hair and rubbed my back. I just stood there crying, finally letting the real flood of tears show. Esme just rocked me back and forth.

"Whatever happened, Bella, its all going to be all right. Edward loves you, he'd never leave you. It will be all right, dear." Esme promised in her gentle, maternal voice.

"He doesn't," I cried, "He doesn't love me. He never did. It was all just an illusion. He loved an idea."

"Let's go inside." Carlisle said quietly. "We'll talk." They both wrapped an arm around me and walked me inside. Carlisle sat me down at the table while Esme went about making a cup of something for me. After a minute I could smell chocolate. I smiled weakly to myself. Edward's mother knew me well.

I wasn't going to sleep tonight, that was much was certain. It wouldn't matter how much I cried, or how emotionally tired I made myself, sleep was just not an option right now. While the hot chocolate simmered on the stove Esme also made me something to eat. Her maternal instincts were kicking into full gear. I knew both of Edward's parents already saw me as one of their own children and I felt privileged to belong to their family.

I sat quietly at the table while Esme flipped a couple pancakes and cooked up eggs. Carlisle just held my hand and rubbed my back while I stared off at nothing. Neither of them pressed me with any questions. They both knew I wasn't ready to talk. I was still trying to figure everything out in my mind. I thought Edward had grown past all of this Tanya mess. I thought he was over her. On several occasions he had proudly told me of all the things he had burned that Tanya had given him, or things she had left behind. I had given him high fives on all accounts. I thought he had moved past all the pain she had inflicted on him. Guess I was wrong… again. This was the third time I thought someone really loved me, and the third time I was having my heart broken.

I didn't initially notice when Esme placed the plate of hot food and cup of cocoa down in front of me. I didn't want to be rude since she went through the trouble of making everything for me so I picked at the pancakes and forced myself to eat the eggs, fighting back the urge to be sick the entire time. I just couldn't eat right now, but at the same time I didn't want to be rude, it was impolite after everything that had already done tonight for me.

I did my best to explain everything that happened. Halfway through the phone in the living room rang and Carlisle excused himself to answer it. Esme told me to keep going, not being pushy at all, but she knew as well I did that I needed to talk about it. It was the first step toward healing. I paused for a couple minutes to pick at the pancakes a little bit more and sip the hot chocolate. From what I could hear of the conversation in the living room it sounded like Carlisle was talking to Edward. Just thinking his name hit me square in the chest and I started to bawl over all again.

This was the cry I had been waiting for to happen all night. I reached a fever pitch eventually and Esme immediately grabbed me and hugged me tight rubbing my back. I heard Carlisle walk in, he didn't say anything but I could feel him watching me. I could only imagine the fear that I had caused when I started wailing so loudly.

"He doesn't want me!" I cried. "He doesn't want our baby!"

Carlisle walked out then, his voice hushed as he started speaking into the phone again.

"Yes he does," Esme assured me, her voice as soft and gentle as always. "Yes he does, Bella. I'm so sorry about this, but you have to understand something important, dear." Esme raised my face to look at me and started wiping away the tears. "He loved Tanya very much. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, and we were ready to welcome her into the family. When she left him I thought I was going to lose my son. But then you entered his life."

Esme cradled my head against her chest and rocked me gently, stroking my hair. "You've brought him back to life and Carlisle and I owe you more than you could possibly imagine. I never saw him look at Tanya the way he looks at you. He never spoke of her the way he talks about you, and Bella, the way he loves you… Honey, there's not a chance in this world it was this deep when he and Tanya were together. He told me at Christmas, when he was first started to accept that he loved you, that you were like a lighthouse to him, calling him home from a long dark journey on an endless sea of night. He called you his safe harbor. He loves you so much, Bella."

I picked my head up looking at her in surprise. "He really said that?" I asked, choking on a cry.

"Yes, he really said that." Esme held my face in her hands now thumbing away my tears. She breathed for a moment and then looked to the plate of food that I had forgotten about. "Finish eating. You need to eat. You need to stay strong. Everything will be all right."

I had no choice but to believe her. She sounded so sure, so absolutely confident and optimistic. How could I not believe her? I sat up in my chair and started picking at the half finished, now cold, pancakes. Esme offered to reheat them, but I said they were all right. Carlisle walked back in looking exhausted and sat down. I glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that two hours had just flown by. Had I really been crying that long? Had Carlisle really been on the phone with Edward the entire time?

"I just hung up with Alice. Spoke to Emmett and Edward as well. Edward called first and I was on the phone with him for almost an hour. He called Emmett as soon as you left." Carlisle looked to me. "Emmett's staying the night. He said Edward is very upset with himself, Bella. He called Alice, and Alice called me. She wants to come over here now, but I told her not tonight, maybe tomorrow. She wants to be there for you, Bella."

I nodded. I hadn't seen or spoken to Alice since Edward and I spread the news around that not only were we getting married, but we were also having a baby. Alice had had a typical Alice reaction and I wouldn't be surprised if both my bridal shower and baby shower were already in the works.

"What did she say about...?" I couldn't say his name. It was too painful to think it, let alone say it aloud.

"That she wants to kill him for acting the way he did, but she also feels sorry for him. Edward is still sometimes very messed up in his head. He's still very confused. He has his moments of clarity, but what Tanya did to him cut him so deeply. It's a wound that's never going to heal no matter how much time he gives it."

"It will heal," Esme said quietly. "He just needs to move past everything. I know, easier said than done, but look at what he has to help him through. And you've already done so much, Bella."

Carlisle took my hand and nodded in agreement. "Yes, you've done so much to bring back the Edward he was before Tanya left him. He hasn't been this exulted in over a year. You did that, Bella."

"I don't deserve your kindness. I walked out on him tonight."

"Bella, don't blame yourself, and don't stress yourself, that's the last thing you need to do right now." Carlisle said sternly, but gently. "This was not your fault, nor was it Edward's. It's a string of unforeseen events that will right themselves."

"Catastrophic events," I muttered.

"He wants to see you," Carlisle said quietly, looking at me.

"He does?" I asked, looking up from my plate.

"In a few days,"

I shook my head, "I can't,"

"Bella, don't shut him out. Yes, he was wrong, and he hurt you. But I know that you're not the same person the he can be." Carlisle squeezed my hand gently.

"Let him apologize. He loves you, and the baby. He couldn't stop saying that. Couldn't stop saying what an ass he was and how he doesn't deserve your forgiveness. How sorry he is. If you could have heard the pain in his voice, Bella, you would know how deep this is hurting him as well."

I lost it for a couple of minutes and cried into my hands as Esme continued to rub my back. I picked my head up after getting more of it out of my system. "Why in a few days?" I croaked out, wiping my eyes on the back of my sleeve.

"He said he needs some time to think, and Emmett wants to have a very stern talk with him. He also wants to give you some time to think as well."

"I suppose I could use a few days."

Esme and Carlisle both nodded. She patted my shoulder and he squeezed my hand again. "Come on," Esme said as she gently pulled me to my feet. "It's getting early and you need to rest and relax."

"And I have to get to work." Carlisle said as he rose. He hugged me loosely repeating Esme constant words to me that everything would be all right. He kissed Esme goodbye and said he would be back around some time in the early afternoon. I heard the front door open and close quietly as he left.

"Would you like to sleep in Edward's old room or the guest room?"

I knew what I wanted although it was no good for me at the moment. "I'll sleep in Edward's room." Esme hugged me and kissed the side of my head.

"Sleep well, and try not to worry. Everything is going to be fine."

I nodded and walked upstairs and into the room at the end of the hall shutting the door quietly behind me. I didn't bother to undress. I just curled up on Edward's bed and hugged one of his pillows to me inhaling the fresh scent of it. A very removed part of my brain was thankful that his scent wasn't attached to it any more. I curled my body into a loose ball taking a shuddering breath before crying myself to sleep.

**A/N: Review please!**


	19. Forgiveness

**A/N: Chapter 19, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.**

**EPOV**

I woke up this morning determined to earn Bella back. I was an utter ass. There was no other way to describe myself. Fucked up, that was better. It didn't get more descriptive than that. I drove over to my parents' house with the radio blasting, trying to drown out the misery in my head.

What was I going to say? I couldn't just ask Bella to forgive me. Though there was nothing else I wanted, nothing more divine than for Bella to forgive me. My body craved it more than its natural crave for oxygen. I'd messed up, done the one thing I'd sworn not to.

"Hi," I greeted my mother solemnly when I walked into the kitchen.

"Good morning," She said pleasantly.

I sniffed. "What are you doing?" I asked watching her flit around the kitchen.

"Making Bella some breakfast," She said as she gathered ingredients here and there.

"I'll do it, I know what she likes." I said quietly, taking Esme's place at the stove. I went about preparing an omelet. "Is she eating?"

"From time to time," Esme answered beside me.

"Is she sleeping?"

"Off and on,"

"How's her mood?"

"Stable," Esme breathed deeply for a minute and I focused on Bella's eggs. "I won't sugarcoat this for you, Edward, but Bella spent most of her first night here crying."

I sniffed loudly. "You can't go up there crying." Esme chided me softly.

"I know. I'm trying to get it all out now." I flipped the omelet and added cheese.

"She loves you, Edward."

"I don't deserve it."

"You can't go up there with that attitude either."

I sighed and flipped the omelet onto a plate. Esme gave me a second plate with a slice of toast and three strips of bacon on it. I place them both on a tray that already had a tall glass of orange juice on it. "Make sure she eats," Esme said as I picked the whole thing up.

"I will," I promised and headed for the stairs. I walked to the end of the hall and knocked on my door quietly. Esme had told me last night when I called that Bella had been sleeping in my room. I suppose that was a good sign. She didn't despise me so much that sleeping in my room turned her completely off.

I got no answer so I opened the door slowly and walked in shutting it behind me. Bella looked up at me but didn't smile. She was sitting in the bay window her hands folded gingerly around her slightly rounded stomach, stroking it softly. She gazed with empty eyes out the window toward the neighborhood.

I put the tray of food down on my old desk and went to sit with her. She didn't look at me, nor did she react immediately when I reached out and took one of her hands holding it between both of mine. But after a few minutes she moved our hands to her stomach where she pressed mine flat to the little bump she had now.

"Just tell me that you love me," Bella whispered without meeting my gaze.

"I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. I love you more than I have ever loved anyone in my entire life. Anyone." I said it with as much sincerity as I could muster, praying Bella heard the truth in it.

"Really?" She asked turning her face up to me finally.

I cupped her face in both of my hands and held it as silent tears ran down her face. I thumbed them away and leaned forward pressing my lips to hers. After a minute her hands came up, not to push me away, but to hold my wrists. She kissed me back passionately, but not desperately. There was so much she conveyed. Her pain, her sadness… I wanted to erase it all.

I was a monster for what I had done to her. I didn't deserve her forgiveness, but here she was unconditionally giving it to me. I pulled back and stroked her cheek for a minute. My hand eventually made it down to her stomach. Bella fell forward her head falling to my chest. She wrapped both of her arms around me tightly.

"I love you," I whispered. "I'm so sorry."

"I forgave you three nights ago." Bella picked her head up and looked at me with her large, beautiful, chocolate eyes. "When I called Esme."

"I don't deserve it."

"Yes you do. We all deserve grace, Edward."

"Thank you," I held her close and kissed the top of her head softly, stroking her hair. Bella tipped her head up and kissed me lightly. She looped her arms around my neck, her hands burying themselves in my hair pulling me closer.

"I love you, too," She said when we parted.

"That's a very good thing." We sat there for several long minutes just holding each other. "Are you hungry?" I asked eventually.

"Yeah," Bella said softly, wiping a few stray tears from her cheeks.

I got up and crossed the room he get the tray of food and walked back over. I set it down in Bella's lap and she started to eat slowly. "You made this, didn't you?" She asked after the first bite of the omelet.

"How do you know?"

"Only you add garlic to your eggs. And… Is that taco seasoning?"

"A touch yeah, thought that might taste good to you right now."

Bella nodded enthusiastically. I chuckled and was silent while she ate the now semi-warm eggs and nibbled her toast. "I called Tanya," I said quietly. Bella looked up at me as she sipped her juice.

"Did she pick up?"

"Yeah, we had a very long conversation. Motherhood has really changed her. She's so happy. I told her about you, how we're expecting. I didn't mention this, though." I meant the recent "misunderstanding". "She was so happy for me. For both of us."

Bella smiled and reached out to take my hand as she chewed. "That's really great, Edward." She smiled. "How do you feel about it?"

"She's completely behind me, Bella. Like you said, she's my past and you are my future."

Bella smiled brightly again. It lit up her whole face with exuberant joy. "I do have one question for you." I said.

"Anything, Edward."

I reached into my pocket and pulled her ring out. "Would you mind putting this back on, please?"

"Will you put it on me?" Bella asked sweetly. I reached out and took her left hand and slipped the ring back onto her third finger where it belonged. I then brought her hand to my mouth and kissed it softly.

"Thank you," I breathed as relief and joy flooded my veins now,

making me high with happiness. I took the tray and put it aside and then pulled Bella gently into my arms. After a minute I lifted her up and carried her over to the bed laying her down beside me. We curled up together and made out for a long time. Eventually Bella snuggled her head into my chest wrapping an arm around me and slipping her hand under my shirt to stroke my back. I wrapped an arm around her in return and held her to me.

"I've been thinking that maybe we're trying to do too much at once." She said thoughtfully. "Maybe we should wait until after the baby is born to get married. I think trying to do that, move, and make all of these plans... It's just too much and the last thing we both need is stress."

"Especially you," I said very seriously. I knew from some of the anatomy and physiology classes I'd already the affect that stress could have on a pregnant woman's body. I shuddered internally when I remembered the ultimate affect it could have. Miscarriage.

"But what do you think?" Bella asked. Her soft sweet voice broke me out of my dark thoughts.

"I think you're right. Let's just focus on moving right now since that's coming up soon."

"We still need to go visit my mom. But maybe we can put that off till September." Bella bit her bottom lip in thought. She was probably considering the local temperature of Florida in the September. From what I could remember of family trips to Disney World as a kid, it was always hot, no matter what time of year you went.

"At the latest," I said, my hand stroking her tiny bump softly. "You're not supposed to fly after you start your third trimester."

"Oh yeah," Bella yawned softly and snuggled closer to me, tucking her head under my chin. She felt so warm and wonderful in my arms. "Sing me to sleep," She whispered.

I tightened my arms around her just a little bit more and kissed the top of her head humming a soft melody to her. It put her to sleep in minutes. I buried my nose in her hair and hugged her gently. My hand found its way back to her stomach, and this time I slipped it beneath her shirt to stroke her skin directly. I swore I thought I heard Bella sigh deeply in utter contentment.

The sound made my heart soar and brought the widest smile I could ever remember having to my face.

**A/N: Review please!**


	20. Movement

**A/N: Chapter 20, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**EPOV**

"Do I look ok?" Bella asked turning to me as she straightened her high waist maternity shirt.

"You look beautiful, as always." I said honestly.

Bella sighed and looked down at her swollen belly. She had really popped in the last few weeks. The need for maternity clothes had become desperate. She could no longer get away with wearing my button downs. She needed "special" clothes now. I had to admit, and I had already told Bella this on several occasions, pregnancy really suited her. I'd never seen her so beautiful. It was meant seriously when I told her she could model maternity clothes, but Bella had crossed the room, punched my arm, and accused me of calling her fat. It had of course been a mood swing and she was in my lap in a second forgiving me.

"You ready?" I asked reaching down to take her hand. I brought it up to my mouth and kissed the back of it softly.

Bella smiled delicately. "As ready as I'll ever be for something like this." She took a deep breath, turned to the coral colored door in front of us and knocked three times. I gave Bella's hand a comforting squeeze and she turned to look up at me, anxiety clearly written on her face. The door opened a minute later and Bella's mother stood there.

"Hi, mom," Bella said simply.

Renee looked us up and down and her eyes widened for a brief moment when she took in the style of Bella's clothes and the reason for it. She looked back up to her daughter with a tight smile. "Well, I suppose I should have expected something like this when you said you had something serious to tell me." The three of us were silent for a moment, an uncomfortable moment, and then Renee opened the door wider and gestured for us to come inside.

I could feel her eyes watching me as she shut the door. Once inside the welcome feel of air conditioning washed over us. I felt Bella relax significantly. She turned to her mother with a soft smile. "You're not upset are you?" She asked setting her purse down on the table in the hall.

"I'm not upset, honey." Renee enveloped her daughter in a gentle hug, careful not to squeeze too hard. "How far along are you?" she asked taking her daughter's hand as we walked through the house to the kitchen.

"Almost seven months." Bella said her tone happy.

Renee asked me to pick up a tray that was sitting on the counter. I did so. She had been expecting us so she had put together a light afternoon snack, probably assuming Bella would be hungry, which she always was now. I carried the tray of lemonade, cheese, fruit, and crackers out the back door as I followed mother and daughter to a back deck shaded by a thick, dark awning.

I set the tray down and sat next to Bella on the loveseat swing, starting a gentle rocking, draping my arms across her shoulders. Renee sat across from us and started pouring three glasses of the lemonade.

Bella downed her glass quickly. I would give her ten minutes before she would be up and running for the bathroom. Another thing she was constantly doing. Renee refilled her glass and handed it back to her.

"So I assume this is Edward," She said looking from me to Bella.

Bella laid her hand on my knee and nodded enthusiastically. "Yup. This is the love of my life, mom."

"Well, the first." I corrected with a playful smile.

"True," And Bella laid her hand on swollen belly again.

"Do you know what you're expecting?" Renee asked pleasantly, leaning back in her chair.

"A girl," I answered. Bella was in the middle of another long sip.

"We've been toying around with names for a few months now." She said setting her glass down. "We would have come down sooner but we had a few…issues to smooth over first."

"Like what?" Renee asked. She wasn't being nosy, she was being a mother.

"Just a little, what are we calling it now?" Bella asked with a light laugh. I knew she didn't like to think about it anymore than I did.

"A scuffle," I said answering Renee's question.

"At least you had your first fight already. I'd be worried if you didn't." Renee murmured more so to herself than t us.

Bella sighed to herself quietly and looked around for a minute. "It's so quiet without Phil here."

"It is, but I've had time to adjust to it. We decided not to divorce, right now, it's just too devastating for the both of us. But he's living with a couple friends for the time being until he can find permanent work. He's thinking of getting into coaching. We still see each other a couple times a week. We're not separated. I just can't support the both of us in this house alone."

"Well that's good." Bella said quietly. "Cause he's a really great guy, mom. I'd hate to see you two break up."

"Thanks honey." Renee reached out and patted Bella's knee. "I know it would upset you, too. And that reminds me, have you managed to get in touch with Charlie at all? I keep calling him and begging him to call you. He keeps telling me he'll get around to it."

"No mom, he hasn't called me." Bella answered sadly. "I think I really upset him. I don't blame him for not wanting to talk to me."

"Doesn't make it right, love." I said quietly. "Just because we're not getting married until next August doesn't mean you should give up now on him."

"What?" Renee asked, surprised.

"Oh right," Bella said in acknowledgement. "The other part of the serious news. We're engaged, too."

Renee's eyebrows shot up at that and her eyes fell to Bella's left hand. I saw a smile pull at the corners of her lips. "And we have a house." I announced proudly.

"Early wedding gift from his parents." Bella clarified.

"That's generous of them." Renee said sounding completely awed. "Have you moved in already?"

"Yeah, a couple months ago," I said. "It's nice. Three bedrooms, a large backyard. Small, but with room to grow."

"Have this baby first, get married, and then start thinking about other children." Renee said laughing. "Don't rush her. I don't know if you've learned this about Bella yet, Edward, but you don't push her, it'll come back to bite you."

"Oh I know that very well." I said, and ever so gentle tightened my arm around Bella's shoulders.

"Oh!" She exclaimed. "I forgot I brought the most recent ultrasound with me to show you. I'll go get it."

"No, sit, relax, I'll get it." I said starting to get up.

"I'll get it," Bella said already rising. "I need a bathroom minute anyway."

Knew it. Ok, so I had been off by three minutes.

I helped Bella to her feet and she walked, waddled actually, back into the house. I can't even begin to describe the joy I feel watching her do the "pregnant waddle". It just made my heart swell up. But now I was alone with Renee. I could feel a grilling coming on.

"So what do you do, Edward? Are you still in college?"

"At the moment, yes. Classes just started again last week. I'm pre-med."

"Oh that's excellent. Any idea what you want to practice in?"

"Vascular surgery."

"Wow, that's very impressive. But I assume one of your parents is a doctor as well."

I nodded. "Yes, my father is very well known in the area where we're living now. We're only about thirty minutes from my parents' house now."

"So what has Bella been doing in the city these past couple years?"

"She was a bartender for a while, that's how we met. She flair bartended at a club with my best friend for over a year. Then this happened, and well, now she sits, walks, or lies down at the house most days. Honestly, lately, she's been going out on major shopping trips with my sister. Alice wants to make it up to her now that she's only having a baby shower and not both that and bridal shower. Even next year she vehemently voted down Alice's bridal shower for her."

"But she eagerly accepted the baby shower?" Renee asked.

"Sort of. I may have nudged the idea into her head a little bit. Its next month. But I'm sure Bella will give you more information about it."

"I'm back," Bella announced smiling, her purse in her hand. She sat down next to me and started pawing through her little black bag for the copy of the ultrasound we'd gone in for last week. "Here it is." Bella pulled a piece of paper from her purse and handed it to Renee.

"Oh, Bells," Renee cooed softly and reached for her daughter's hand. "She's so adorable."

"You can keep that one."

"I'll hang it on the fridge. Oh, did you listen to the heartbeat?"

Bella nodded beside me. I felt a familiar prickling in my eyes and I sniffed, giving myself away. Bella patted my knee and nodded toward me. "He cried, just flat out cried. It made me cry."

I laughed to myself and wiped away the moisture in my eyes with my thumb. "I was so happy." I said in my defense, my voice slightly thick. "It just made this all so real."

Bella hugged my arm for a minute and I wrapped mine across her back rubbing gently. I bowed my head to kiss the top of hers. The gesture made Bella turn her face up to mine and I captured her mouth in a gentle kiss. She settled against me when we parted. I saw Renee watching us with a very satisfied and proud motherly smile on her face.

~*~*~I~*~*~

"Edward,"

I felt something stir next to me and I heard Bella's voice whisper my name in the dark, but maybe it was a dream. A good dream since any dream of Bella was a good dream.

"Edward," She whispered again, a little more urgent now. "Edward, wake up," I think I felt Bella shaking me but I couldn't be sure. I rolled over mumbling something incoherent. Bella pushed me now, as much as she could. That woke me up. I opened my eyes rubbing at them to clear my vision a little.

"What's wrong?" I asked, "Are you…"

"No, no, give me your hand." Bella said, and I felt her groping along the mattress for my hand in the dark. I opened my eyes a little wider and looked around. Bella was laying next to me half on her back and half on her side. I found her hand and she grasped it pressing it flat to her large belly. "Do you feel that?" she asked excitedly.

"No, I don't feel anything." I answered honestly. Bella moved my hand to another place on her belly.

"Right there, do you feel that?"

We were both quiet for a minute, and then I felt it; a flutter-like flicking against my palm. "Is that…?" I asked. Bella was already nodding.

"Yeah, that's our little girl." Bella said. Her voice was overflowing with astonishment. I could feel tears prickling in my eyes again. We both lay there in silence with my hand pressed to Bella's belly. Our baby girl kept flicking against my palm.

"What's she doing?"

"Kicking maybe, or maybe rolling around. I don't know for sure. Edward, isn't this amazing?"

"Yeah," I couldn't keep the emotion out of my voice. I rubbed Bella's stomach gently for a couple minutes. I could feel her fingers playing in my hair. I pressed the side of my face to her belly feeing Bella breathe beneath me. "Hey, little girl," I whispered.

Bella chuckled above me. I could hear a little thickness in her voice. I kissed her belly softly and then went to reclining beside her on the bed. Bella made the move first and leaned toward me. I met her halfway and we kissed lazily for several minutes before Bella started to settle back down. She rolled facing away from me since it was pretty much the only position she was comfortable in, that and lying on back. I draped my arm around her and pulled her as close to me as I could. Bella snuggled up in my arms sighing as she fell asleep. My hand found its way down to her belly and I stroked softly, wondering if this comforted the baby at all.

"I love you," I heard Bella whisper, the thickness in her voice was now from sleep.

"I love you, too," I responded, and squeezed her gently, "both of you."

**A/N: Review please!**


	21. Epilogue: Ceremony

**A/N: Epilogue, revised. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. **

**EPOV**

I know I'm not supposed to see the bride before the wedding, but Bella had requested to see me. I can't say no to her. I owe her my life, and then some. Bell Swan had done so much more for me than just drag my sorry, pathetic ass back to life. I'd been with her for over a year now. I love her deeply, more so than I thought a human could ever love anyone. She'd given me more reason to live beyond just loving her. I loved her and I loved our beautiful nine-month baby girl, Vanessa.

It had taken some time but we finally settled on a name the week before Bella was due. We had her christened Vanessa Marie Cullen when she was six months old. Today Bella would also be taking that last name and officially and lawfully become a member of my family.

I arrived at the door that said 'Bridal Suite' on the brass plaque and knocked twice. "Well, don't you look spiffy today, big brother?" Alice teased with a smirk when she opened the door. "You can't come in, though, its bad luck."

"Alice, I asked him to come by." Bella's voice said from inside the room.

"Oh, well if the bride says it's ok, I can't dispute." Alice stepped aside with a dramatic sigh and shut the door behind me.

"You clean up nice, little sis. Baby blue is a good color for you, it brings out the circles under your eyes" I teased back and dodged Alice's excuse of a punch. I fixed my tie and walked into the room more as Alice flitted to the bathroom to undoubtedly check her face.

Bella was sitting on the couch against the wall, Vanessa in her arms, Renee sitting on her right, and Esme on her left. Bella was the absolute epitome of beauty today. Her dress was a simple strapless that flowed outward at the bottom hem. It was off-white, and she had the veil tucked into an elegant glossy knot on the top of her head.

"Wow," I breathed looking at her for the first time completely done up.

All three women looked up at as I walked in. "Hey," Bella said with a soft expression and a bright smile.

"Hi," I walked over to her and leaned down to kiss her tenderly. I crouched in front of her and gently stroked Vanessa's fine auburn hair as she slept in her mother's arms.

"You want to hold her while I go finish with my makeup? She's starting to get a little heavy."

"Sure," I took Vanessa and held her against my shoulder without waking her. I sat down carefully between Renee and Esme without jostling the baby in my arms and they both leaned in to coo over how precious Vanessa looked in her white dress. I could hear Bella arguing with Alice in the bathroom over some cosmetic product and it made me chuckle. Apparently Alice was being relentless today. Wait, when was Alice not relentless? Especially when it came to fashion, makeup, and makeovers?

"Knock, knock."

Renee, Esme, and I all looked up when we heard the low gruff voice in the room. Bella ran out of the bathroom, trying not to trip over her dress. I heard a slight, gruff intake of breath from Charlie, and could only imagine Bella throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Thank you, dad." Bella said her voice thick. "Thank you so much."

"You're more than welcome, Bells."

Bella and her father walked in a moment later arm in arm. Bella was smiling triumphantly now. Everyone she loved was here. Not literally in the room of course, but they were all here together.

"Oh, I better go make sure Phil found the seats all right." Renee said as she glanced at her watch and got up. "I'll see you guys out there." Renee placed a soft kiss on her granddaughter's head and patted my shoulder. "Don't get cold feet now, either of you." Renee looked from me to Bella.

"We won't." Bella and I said together. Rene made another quick goodbye, kissed Charlie in greeting on the way out and shut the door quietly behind her. Vanessa yawned softly in my arms just then and I pulled her down into my lap. She looked up at me with curious eyes and smiled, and then waved her hands enthusiastically.

"She certainly knows who her daddy is." Charlie commented.

"I hope so," Bella said laughed.

"All right, I should go, too." Esme said getting up. She leaned down and kissed my cheek, and then took Vanessa's hand and waved it back and forth a couple times. "See you two at the end of the aisle."

"Guess that means I have to go, too." I said. I didn't want to leave now. I wanted to stay here with my two best girls. I got up and handed Vanessa to Bella. "I'll see you at the altar." I kissed her again, this time more passionately, but not too hard since she had our baby in her arms.

"See you there," Bella promised.

I started to walk out and turned to look over my shoulder once more at the Bella and Vanessa. They both smiled at me. I swear my heart felt as though it was beating so hard that it would explode out of my chest.

~*~*~I~*~*~

BPOV

"I have a surprise for you." I said to Charlie as soon as Edward had left.

"What's that, honey?" He asked as we sat down on the couch.

"Emmett is still walking me down the aisle. You're still ok with that?"

"I'm perfectly fine with it, Bella."

"You sure?" I shifted Vanessa to my shoulder as she began to nod off again.

"I'm positive. Honestly, this ceremony is stressful enough for me."

I sighed heavily. "I really appreciate you coming, dad."

Charlie reached over and took my hand. "I wouldn't have missed this for anything. Now, what's the surprise you have for me?"

"Oh, right. Well, Vanessa has the rings in this little pocket here." I said pulling out the two white gold bands. Mine was easily recognizable. It was a little fancier than Edward's plain white gold band, mine had diamonds running around the entire ring. "If you want, and only if you want, hold Vanessa during the service, and when its time for me and Edward to exchange rings bring her up to the altar. I won't make you carry her down the aisle. Would you do that, dad?"

"Of course I will, honey."

I leaned in toward him and gave him a one armed hug.

"Anyone in here?" Emmett's voice called from the door. "Bella, you ready, it's almost time?" He appeared in the room a moment later. "Hi, you must be Charlie. I'm Emmett." He said offering his hand to my father. Charlie shook it once.

"So you're the one giving my daughter away." Charlie teased.

"You can do it. It technically is your right."

"No, no," Charlie said raising his hands and getting up. "Bella has already given me a much more privileged role to play, which means I should probably go take my seat with your mother." Charlie turned to me and I got up to place Vanessa in his arms. This was the fifth time he had held his granddaughter in the last nine months. The first four had been when she was a newborn. Charlie had flown across the country last December at Renee's command to see me. He had spent two days with us, still a little shaken by the turn of events, but he had gotten to see his fair share of how happy I was, and since then we called each other at least once a week.

I watched as Charlie marveled over how different Vanessa felt to him now. "She's sturdy." He said as made his granddaughter comfortable. Vanessa opened her eyes, the same color brown as mine, and stared up at Charlie. "Hello there, little one." He cooed to her. Vanessa gurgled and smiled at him with a tinkling laugh.

"Ok, let's go! Let's go!" Alice chimed as she flitted from the bathroom. She grabbed up the two bouquets and shoved the larger one into my hands. Charlie said his goodbyes and waved Vanessa's hand at me as he walked out. Emmett, Alice, and I walked out a couple minutes later, me on Emmett's arm with Alice leading as my maid of honor.

"You ready for this?" Emmett asked as Alice started walking ahead of us.

"Ready and most definitely willing." I responded and smiled brightly up at him.

"Good, because once you see the look on Edward's face, you're not gonna want to turn back."

I looked ahead of us at the short aisle surrounded on both sides by the minimal gathering of friends and family and felt my stomach flip flop. Edward stood at the end of the aisle staring at me, just me. His eyes were completely focused on no one and nothing else. As soon as Emmett and I started our march, my eyes locked on to Edward's and I didn't look away as I walked closer and closer to him, the bright smile on my face only growing brighter the entire time.

~*~*~I~*~*~

**EmPOV**

From the sidelines it always looks different.

Sometimes you don't even know who it is you're cheering for or who it is you want to win. I wanted them both to win, and at first I'll admit, I didn't want them to win each other, but over the last year I've had to reconsider my stance on Edward and Bella's relationship.

He had been a mess for so long and she not only dragged him out of a deep and dark depression, she helped him to fall in love again. Something I didn't think he would be able to do. I watched as they took baby steps at firsts, and then made more serious decisions, like Bella moving in with him.

And then she got pregnant.

I saw red at first when Bella initially told me, but I knew I was wrong to walk out on her and vowed to do whatever it was that she wanted. At least she picked something easy, if not emotionally stressful, still easy. Walk her down the aisle. Thank, Bells. Edward's had been more practical, and now as I stand here behind him as his best man and watch as he and Bella exchange their vows, I'm completely awed by them.

Neither can look away from the other. They see only each other. When the minister asked for the rings I watched as Charlie got up and carried Vanessa over. Edward carefully pulled the rings from the front pocket of Vanessa's dress and Bella kissed her father on the cheek before he went to sit back down. I watched as he wiped a couple tears with his free hand, and then Bella's mother took hold of it. She held her husband's hand in the other.

Bella was so glad that her mother and step-father were back together, I know it had been a source of real stress for her for quite a few months. But shortly after Vanessa was born, I remember Bella telling me about her mother calling to say that she and Phil were back together.

I turned my eyes back to Edward and Bella as they repeated the end of their vows to each other. I couldn't see Edward's face that clearly, but I saw how Bella's eyes were sparkling with joy. As soon as they were announced husband and wife Bella threw her arms around Edward's neck and he wrapped his around her waist holding her close.

Again I was completely awed by the love they have for each other. It was not everyday you saw a couple like them. So serious about each other, sometimes overprotective, but so very much in love. Bella was just as intense about Edward as he was about her. I'd watched their relationship grow from a confusing friendship into something deep.

Only once did they "fight", and I say "fight" because it was more of a misunderstanding than an actual squabble. Edward managed to hurt Bella so bad that she walked out on him and they didn't talk to each other for three days. Right in the middle of Bella being pregnant, too, and that hadn't helped the situation.

Right after Bella had left Edward had called me and I rushed over there to find him curled up on the floor, a shattered picture frame beside him, Bella's ring on the floor beside a half empty bottle of alcohol, and a crying Edward. After he managed to calm himself down enough to explain what happened and what had been said I gave him a very stern lecture and then stayed the night. The next morning I really chewed his sorry ass out about what he had done and was sorely tempted to rip him another asshole.

But that was in the past now between them. They both still talk about it from time to time, still remember it, and every time they do they swear up and down, 'never again'. I watched now as they parted and a moment later everyone gathered to see them was cheering for them. They just stared into each other's eyes with such adoration and love that I felt a tiny bit of moisture in my own eyes and turned to my wife of almost one year. Rosalie smiled back at me from her seat and shook her head at me. "Pansy," she mouthed at me, and I felt myself chuckle.

I could see a very bright future for my two best friends as I watched them walk back up the aisle together hand in hand. There was nothing they couldn't do together, and no tribulation they couldn't overcome. They were truly meant for each other, and I was more than happy to see them find that happiness at last, and more importantly, with each other.

**A/N: End… Reviews are welcome ;)**


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